Cake…
So much cake….
So, week 2 of fasting was much harder than week one. I found myself baking muffins for a friends birthday, and lots of tray bakes for church to give away to the local community on Easter Sunday. And all without being able to taste them…. (That’s why this post is a couple of days late, sorry!)
On top of that, I had real struggles and stresses including news of a friend who was ill, being brought back to work part time (with new responsibilities) plus a temperamental boiler. There was a strong temptation to go back to hiding behind a screen instead of seeking God, and to take comfort in sugary food. ,
Full disclosure: I didn’t eat a single muffin or slice of cake, I didn’t scrape the bowl after baking (which meant more of the mixture actually made it’s way into the cake tins) and I didn’t lick the spoon after icing. I did, however, find myself scrolling more than I would have liked.
So the week started ok. When I found out my friend was very ill I was able to pray for her and get comfort from God. Yes, I was still concerned, but I could also find peace within that by releasing her and relying on God. And even going back to work with the new responsibilities, and the stress and confusion that brought, although tempting, wasn’t the thing that tripped me up. In fact, I also became more intentional about setting aside time to meditate on a psalm (Psalm 91 this week) and was able to keep saying Night Prayer (see post about prayer week 3). No, it was in between baking over 100 portions of cake and my boiler causing a sleepless night that I tripped up and began the distraction/escape scrolling.
But I’m going to keep going. I am going to see this through to the end (even though I now have three chocolate Easter eggs sitting in my cupboard). There are a couple of situations in my life right now where I need guidance from God. There is one big area I am seeking break through. And, as ever, I want a deeper relationship with God. I want the kind of relationship I see that others have where they can confidently say “God has told me…” or where they can be in the midst of a massive ‘storm’ and are still able to confidently remain calm, knowing that God is with them and, whatever the outcome, God is good and God has them secure.
So, to help me next week I am going to focus on a different psalm, but the same one for the whole week. And every time I get the urge to scroll on Facebook on my phone I am going to open the bible app instead, to that psalm (I haven’t worked out which one yet…) And I am going to set aside time to read a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.
Sometimes when going on adventures the hero will make a mistake or take a wrong turn, but then comes back to the right path, usually a little wise. It is my hope that that is what will happen here. No, I didn’t have any major breakthroughs about God (although the distractions brought me close to a melt down when I tried to manage apart from God), but I do know that God’s grace means I can keep going and try again. My slip ups don’t disqualify me. God doesn’t give up on me, so neither will I!
The Reason for my Hope Blog 