Yesterday I wrote about shame and how it can cause us to hide. I wrote how shame isn’t from God and basically isn’t a good thing (understatement…)
I’m aware that not everyone will have a problem with shame, but I also think it is something that can creep in without us realising it. Maybe it creeps in for a period in our lives: as a new parent, as a newly wed, in a new job… Or maybe its been a companion for years and we just didnt know the name of it. It can steal away exciting new opportunities and keep us trapped in a metaphorical pit.
Shame is something that can isolate us. It can cause us to hide away, or lash out and be defensive. It can lead us to feel like imposters, like we have to pretend to be someone we’re not. Society doesn’t help. We are constantly fed images of how we should look and instructions on how to act or think, and if we don’t fit that then we’re wrong. And that’s the key of shame. It tells us we are wrong. Maybe it makes us feel like we’re not worthy of things – success, happiness, love…
God says otherwise. If shame makes us compare ourselves unfavorably, God says don’t bother. Romans 3: 23-24 says ‘all have fallen short of the glory of God and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus’.
Let’s unpack that a moment. All have fallen short. Everyone. No one gets it right all the time. We all miss the mark. So give yourself a break.
All are justified freely by his grace. All. Everyone. No exception. Jesus dies for everyone. If you think you’re not worthy, grace says you are. Because of Jesus.
So what is grace? I did a Bible study a couple of weeks back where we attempted to answer that question in an hour. Needless to say we didn’t exactly succeed. But we did have some interesting thoughts. Here’s some of my favourites:
Grace is the vessel through which we receive everything else: love, peace, joy… all received because of God’s grace. Grace is something undeserved, but given anyway. We can’t always feel it, but it is always there. It’s like a cosmic trapeze – we have to let go and trust that the next one will be there (and the bible says it always will!) Grace is forgiveness, it’s not getting the punishment we deserve.
Here’s another thought: Grace isn’t fair. No matter how hard we work, how often we go to church, how many good deeds we do, or indeed how few or infrequently, the level of grace is the same. At our lowest, we can be glad of that. At our most productive, maybe we’re not so glad to hear that. Brene Brown talks about grace using one of Jesus’ parables (video below, warning for some mild swearing)
So, with that brief look at grace, knowing we don’t deserve it but it is freely given anyway, the things that make us hide in shame, or push people away in defense don’t need to be hidden. That’s what shame says. You’re not good enough, they won’t accept you if they know that about you, you’re not worth it. But grace says you are enough, you are accepted, you are most definitely worth it. Jesus gave everything out of love, not because he owed you anything. So if that is you, if there is something you think you need to keep hidden, don’t. Bring it into the light (good Christian phrase…) If it’s in the open, there’s no where for shame to work.
And no, grace isn’t fair. But isn’t that the point?
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