I have written before about shame. Its a topic I write about a lot because I think it is something a lot of people come up against and because shame is not godly. I have written about the need to bring things into the light so we don’t feel like we are hiding something. I have written about bringing whatever it may be to God, bringing it into the light and receiving God’s forgiveness.
But I was reading something the other day that opened my mind. There is another reason to bring mistakes and failures into the open. It could change the world.
If we acknowledge and own our own mistakes and accept how easy it is to slip, we may find it easier to understand and forgive others. Plus, when we don’t hide things in shame we have less reasons to beat ourselves up and can start to like ourselves a little more which shows in how we relate to others. So bringing things into the open could help build peaceful communities based on understanding and respect and minimise judgement.
But more than that, it gives people permission to make mistakes. There aren’t many places where it is safe to talk about mistakes and failures (and I mean those ones we’d rather keep hidden). Our very culture suggests they are reasons to be ashamed and hide. But what if we were to normalise talking about our mistakes and failures? Instead of trying to hide them and making the same mistake again, or letting our past define our future, we could realise that maybe we’re not alone. And if others have failed in that way, maybe they have advice. Or maybe we have advice others could use. Instead of failures being something to hush up, they would instead become an opportunity to learn and grow.
Let me briefly clarify, some failures are choices we make, and by permissioning failure I don’t mean allowing people to go around hurting other people or choosing to do things they know are wrong. What I mean is that if someone finds they have done something wrong, realises their choices have led to them stumbling, then they have permission to admit it. And I mean that on those occasions where people would rather not act for fear of getting it wrong we would give them permission to try without the fear of lasting shame hanging over them.
Where is my basis for this? There is a story of an encounter between Jesus and an adulterous woman. The crowd bring her to him and demand that he passes sentence on her. Jesus’ response is to tell them that the one who has never sinned may throw the first stone. One by one, the stones drop to the ground. Everyone has made mistakes. Everyone has fallen at some point. The crowd leaves, and Jesus and the woman are left alone.
“Where are your accusers? Didn’t any of them condemn you? Then neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
If the one who is perfect chooses to forgive when a failure is brought into the light, shouldn’t we also? And if we are honest and admit that we are not perfect and we fall, shouldn’t we have more compassion on the people we meet? If we stop expecting perfection in public, people won’t feel they have to hide their mistakes and maybe they will learn how to do better.
If we give ourselves and each other permission to fail we might just find that we live in a kinder world where people actually fail less often.
The Reason for my Hope Blog 