40 day challenge day 21: The Master Baker

On Sunday I shared 2 songs. On Tuesday I explored the meaning behind the first one. On Wednesday I wrote about how to move on from that place. So today, I’ll look a little at the second song.

As a reminder, it’s called ‘Tryin” and is about not trying to be who others want you to be, not trying to fit in, and learning to love who you are, exactly as you are.

The world around us has loads of images that tell us what passes as beautiful/handsome. That doesn’t always match what we see in the mirror. The world is wrong, not the mirror. You are uniquely beautiful/handsome and the world doesn’t get to make you believe otherwise. God made you, you are beautiful.

The people around us can tell us who/what we are. Or what we’re not! Sometimes they might be right. But before you believe what they say, no matter how well meaning, judge it against what God says.

I can give an example. I shared with a friend a specific gift I feel I have, a characteristic trait that I am comfortable with about myself. That person told me I didn’t have that gift, that character trait, because if I did I would be more like someone else (a mutual friend of ours).

Well, let me tell you, I believed them. I counted myself out. Because I wasn’t like that other person, clearly I didn’t have that trait. Let me also tell you, my friend was absolutely wrong. It took me a little while to realise it, but that gift, that trait, is just as evident in me as it is in that other person, even if it looks different.

Just to clarify, my friend wasn’t trying to put me down or belittle me. In fact, she was trying to help me. But in this instance, listening to her was not the right move on my part.

Think of a cake. Different ratios of ingredients show themselves differently in each cake. Doesn’t mean the ingredient isn’t there! So God is like the master baker, carefully measuring out the ingredients for each of his creations in the ratios he intends, and the combinations that are just right. OK, that’s not technically theologically accurate, I made that one up. You won’t find that analogy in the bible. But it’s a good image!

So linking this back to the song, we don’t need to change to be the person other people think we are. We don’t need to measure up to pictures in magazines. The person we are, the person God made? That person is enough. The same God that took care to create the delicate butterfly, patiently crafted you (and me…)

So maybe instead of wishing to be different we should try loving the person we are. I’m not saying never change. Growth is good! But change because its right for you, because God is directing that, and not because the people around you want you to be different.

You are enough. You have been hand-made with love by the Master Baker himself. You are amazing.

40 day challenge day 20: It’s not fair!

Yesterday I wrote about shame and how it can cause us to hide. I wrote how shame isn’t from God and basically isn’t a good thing (understatement…)

I’m aware that not everyone will have a problem with shame, but I also think it is something that can creep in without us realising it. Maybe it creeps in for a period in our lives: as a new parent, as a newly wed, in a new job… Or maybe its been a companion for years and we just didnt know the name of it. It can steal away exciting new opportunities and keep us trapped in a metaphorical pit.

Shame is something that can isolate us. It can cause us to hide away, or lash out and be defensive. It can lead us to feel like imposters, like we have to pretend to be someone we’re not. Society doesn’t help. We are constantly fed images of how we should look and instructions on how to act or think, and if we don’t fit that then we’re wrong. And that’s the key of shame. It tells us we are wrong. Maybe it makes us feel like we’re not worthy of things – success, happiness, love…

God says otherwise. If shame makes us compare ourselves unfavorably, God says don’t bother. Romans 3: 23-24 says ‘all have fallen short of the glory of God and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus’.

Let’s unpack that a moment. All have fallen short. Everyone. No one gets it right all the time. We all miss the mark. So give yourself a break.

All are justified freely by his grace. All. Everyone. No exception. Jesus dies for everyone. If you think you’re not worthy, grace says you are. Because of Jesus.

So what is grace? I did a Bible study a couple of weeks back where we attempted to answer that question in an hour. Needless to say we didn’t exactly succeed. But we did have some interesting thoughts. Here’s some of my favourites:

Grace is the vessel through which we receive everything else: love, peace, joy… all received because of God’s grace. Grace is something undeserved, but given anyway. We can’t always feel it, but it is always there. It’s like a cosmic trapeze – we have to let go and trust that the next one will be there (and the bible says it always will!) Grace is forgiveness, it’s not getting the punishment we deserve.

Here’s another thought: Grace isn’t fair. No matter how hard we work, how often we go to church, how many good deeds we do, or indeed how few or infrequently, the level of grace is the same. At our lowest, we can be glad of that. At our most productive, maybe we’re not so glad to hear that. Brene Brown talks about grace using one of Jesus’ parables (video below, warning for some mild swearing)

So, with that brief look at grace, knowing we don’t deserve it but it is freely given anyway, the things that make us hide in shame, or push people away in defense don’t need to be hidden. That’s what shame says. You’re not good enough, they won’t accept you if they know that about you, you’re not worth it. But grace says you are enough, you are accepted, you are most definitely worth it. Jesus gave everything out of love, not because he owed you anything. So if that is you, if there is something you think you need to keep hidden, don’t. Bring it into the light (good Christian phrase…) If it’s in the open, there’s no where for shame to work.

And no, grace isn’t fair. But isn’t that the point?

https://youtu.be/fW6c9ZmOFU8

40 day challenge day 19: Feelings Inside Not Expressed

This is the post I wanted to write yesterday but ran out of time. It picks up on the first song I posted on Sunday. The chorus says is about how we say we’re fine when we’re not. The song talks about how we present one side to the world which isn’t necessarily true to what’s going on inside.

I once sat in a talk where the speaker talked about how he wouldn’t accept the answer “I’m fine” if he asked how someone was. It’s a bit of a non answer and can cover a lot without giving any information away. And it’s an answer we often give, perhaps in part because we think the person asking the question is just being polite (particularly if your British) rather than actually interested in the question. I’ve been guilty of using ‘fine’ as a way of not sharing how I’m really feeling. But this speaker said that, to him, fine stood for Feelings Inside Not Expressed, and he would often follow up with the person. He cared, and that’s why he asked the question, not because he was being polite.

The song I shared talks about how we don’t tell the truth about how we’re feeling, we don’t let people know when we feel like things are out of control. Maybe because we’re comparing to others who have seemingly perfect lives (who are probably also hiding the bad bits) or because we’re ashamed of mistakes or failures, or of appearing weak.

This is something I feel strongly about. I have been in that place of not wanting to ask for help because I was ashamed of the weakness, felt I was making a fuss when others were dealing with harder things than me. I have put in a mask every time I was with other people. I have used the answer ‘fine’ instead of being honest. And I did that with God as well as the people around me.

So, speaking from experience, here’s some wisdom: it is unnecessarily exhausting and damaging. Often, how we imagine others will react is the worst case scenario, and people are actually more patient and compassionate than we give them credit for. I’m not saying we need to be open and vulnerable with everyone we meet. I imagine the person scanning our shopping could do without our life story! But that doesn’t mean we have to shut everyone out.

I am someone who cares. If I ask how you are, I’m asking because I’m interested in the answer, and I will make time to listen if that’s what you need. And I am not unique in that. I can guarantee there are people around you who are the same. I have gathered around me ‘Team Karen’ – people I can call on when I need a shoulder to lean on or to just sit and eat cake (other foods also available…) Now, these are people too, and sometimes they get it wrong. And it hurts when they do. But it is an open and honest hurt that can be dealt with. It’s better than trying to bottle it up inside and ignore it in order to present a strong face to everyone.

And, if you have a faith, there is definitely no need to shut God out. There is no part of who you are or what you’ve done that God doesn’t know. He loves you anyway. You don’t need to be strong for God. He’s stronger than you even on your strongest day. And you don’t need to hide in shame from God. Shame is not from God.

In Genesis, in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had everything they needed. They walked with God in the garden and had food and work, and they were content. Then the serpent got involved. God had given them one rule, one boundary, for their own good. But they were tempted. They ate the fruit from the tree that they shouldn’t have done. And it is at that point they realise they are naked and are ashamed. Shame does not come from God. We don’t need to hide anything from him.

And even after, when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions, Adam and Eve are not abandoned. God provides clothing for them, and he keeps watch over them and their children. Even when we mess up, even when we are weak, even when we feel like we’re losing control, we don’t need to hide from God.

When Jesus is walking around Israel he doesn’t turn away from sinners, he turns towards them. He doesn’t walk past the sick and the beggars, he stops and talks to them. He doesn’t ignore those who are mourning, he reaches out to them. That is the nature of God.

So what I’ve learnt (the hard way, not recommended) is that if I give people a chance to help, they want to step up. I don’t have to compare my problems to anothers. (What I find hard to deal with another may find easy, but I might not struggle with the things that they struggle with – comparison is not helpful!) And God never wants us to hide from him. He created humans to be in an open relationship with him. He knows it anyway, so trying to hide it is a waste of time. And by being open and honest with God, in my experience, he can direct the right person into my path to help me through that stretch. Letting people and God in doesn’t make the problem or the pain disappear, but it does make it easier to bear.

So, if I ask you how you are and you tell me fine, expect a follow up question! I care. And so does God.

40 day challenge day 18: Do you love me?

It’s been a long and busy day, so only a short post. But a very apt post considering how much work I’ve fitted in…

Like 10: 20 says ‘Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.’

This is Jesus talking to his 72 followers. He had sent them off to do what they had seen him doing and they had come back talking about what they had achieved. You can almost imagine the hubbub of chatter as they compare notes with each other, almost boasting about what they’ve just done. Here Jesus is quick to remind them that if they subdued a thousand spirits or no spirits, the thing to rejoice in is that their claimed by God.

Our works are not the main focus, God is. Whether we succeed or fail, our names are still written in heaven. Are we ever tempted to be like those 72 followers, boasting and comparing, focusing on works? How often do we fall into the trap of comparison? How often do we allow failure to define us? How often do we brag about success?

How often do we choose God over our achievements?

So after a day of being busy and achieving a lot, I just needed to remind myself that my worth is not based on work.

Someone wise once said to me: At the end of the day, God says do you love me?

Yes, I do.

40 day challenge Sunday bonus

As I found out last week, the 40 days of lent don’t include Sundays so I don’t have a long post today. What I do have are 2 songs which I really connected with when I first heard them. The songwriter, Matthew West, uses real people and real experiences to influence his songs, and the lyrics of these two songs have really connected with me over the past few years.

One is a song called ‘Truth be told’ about how we hide behind being fine when actually we’re not. Been there, done that… And the things about God is he already knows we’re broken so we don’t need to hide from him. Longer post on that later in the week (I’ve got 40 days to fill, can’t put it all out there too soon!)

The other is called ‘Tryin” about no longer trying to be like another person, but to be who God made us to be. Big journey for me, to realise that I am enough in God’s eyes, just as I am. We are each unique, the mould is broken after we’re made. Trying to be someone else defeats the point of being made uniquely… Again, more on that later (probably…)

The 2 songs are kind of complete opposites, but the first step to reaching the point of being enough as you are (song 2) is to stop pretending that everything is OK (song 1).

So nothing too deep, just a couple of songs to listen to and reflect on and see what God says through them:

40 day challenge day 17: “But we got to see the pigs…”

OK, slightly strange title, but bear with me. I enjoy going onong walks. I especially enjoy going in long walks in the countryside with a group. Last year, I did one of these walks and there was a point where we had a choice of going straight on or turning right. We were looking for a specific building and as we couldn’t obviously see it ahead, we decided to turn right. This took us between 2 fields, then a left turn along the top of one of the fields and another left turn to go back down its side.

Yep, we’d done three sides of the square, and that brought us out in the same place as if we had gone straight on. No harm done, just a slightly longer walk. But, and this is the important bit, as we walked along the top of the field we also passed some pigs. We wouldn’t have been able to see them from the bottom route. So our detour had added something to our journey. If we had gone straight on and taken the shorter route, we wouldn’t have seen the pigs.

There’s a theological point there too. The bible says that God has a plan for us, and some believe that there is one specific plan. My belief is that there is an end goal and we will end up where we are supposed to be. But that doesn’t mean we won’t take detours. The Israelitea travelled 40 years in the dessert (a 40 year detour) and got to experience some incredibly things by God’s hand. Jonathan took a detour on his way to Ninevah (OK, he ran away in the opposite directuon) but God used that to show the sailors on the ship who he was and how he could control the storm, and to show Jonah his mercy. Oh, and Jonah got to see the inside of a fish.

We won’t always take the most direct route to where we are supposed to be, but I firmly believe that in every detour there is something to see or learn. So don’t despair if you think you’re going the long way round, just keep your eye out for them pigs!

40 day challenge day 16: Remember who you are and whose you are

You are not defined by your mistakes. You are not defined by your successes. You are not defined by your job. You are not defined by what you own. You are not defined by what you have been. You are not defined by what others think of you.

Unless you let yourself be…

You are defined by what you choose to believe you are. Following on from yesterday’s post about Gideon being a ‘Mighty Warrior’, I wanted to write a bit more about who we are.

People around us can say things that end up sticking, and they become part of our identities. Fat, stupid, negative, selfish, coward, a failure, a liar, the one who missed the shot, the one who forgot the words, the shy one, the arrogant one… I’m sure you could add to that list some labels that have been given to you over the years. Maybe there are some positive ones in there too: the fun one, the clever one, the one who solves problems, the one who bakes great cakes, the pretty one, the reliable one… Again, I’m sure you can add to that list.

The problem is that when the negative labels become a huge part of who we are, it can limit what we do. If we believe we are a coward, we won’t take risks. If we believe we are a failure, we won’t oush ourselves. You get the idea. If the positive labels become a huge part of who we are there is pressure to live up to that. So what happens when you don’t have the answers? What happens when you need to step back and look after yourself but that would mean letting others down?

The other things is that the people around us only see part of the story. The people around Gideon wouldn’t have called him a mighty warrior. But God saw his potential. Gideon chose to believe God, not the people around him. Have you ever seen something in yourself that the people around have taken away? Maybe they’ve told you that you’re not who you think you are. You have the choice to listen to them, or to believe in yourself.

God sees you. He has claimed you, adopted you into his family (Ephesians 1), you are his child (1 John 3) and the apple of his eye (Psalm 17). He sees the real you, not the skewed view of the people around you. So his is the reliable voice. You are his (Isaiah 43). And if you ask him, and listen to him, he can tell you who you are. At the most basic level, you are his child. And nothing will change that – no scars, no mistakes, no decisions. You can choose to believe that, or to believe what the people around you say. But I guarantee God’s voice is more accurate. He sees the best you can be. And if God sees that and believes in you, you don’t have to worry about what others think. Because God is enough.

You are his much loved child, and he will never leave you.

40 day challenge day 15: Heroes of the bible – Gideon

A few years ago I wrote something about Gideon. Today, I was reminded of his story again.

Gideon’s story is one of my favourites, partly because I can relate to bits of it. I mean, not the circumstances, but some of his actions and responses.

His story is in Judges 6-8. The Israelites had started breaking the commandments that God had given them, and neighbouring countries were attacking them. There were 12 tribes of Israel, and there was a slight hierarchy. The tribe that was at the bottom of the pecking order was Manasseh. The Israelites called out to God to save them.

The person God chooses to use in order to answer this prayer is Gideon. He is the youngest son of a family from Manasseh. He is the least important person from a family in the least important clan. When we first meet him, he is threshing wheat in a pit. Threshing is the act of separating the edible part of the wheat by tossing handfuls in the air and allowing the wind to low away the lighter, inedible parts. So Gideon was doing this in a pit. Because pits are known for their strong wind…

Gideon is hiding in the pit because he is scared. And yet, when the angel of the Lord greets him, he calls him “mighty warrior”. Hiding in a hole.

Gideon doesn’t value himself and questions the angel, but the angel reassures him that God is with him. Gideon asks for proof, which the angel provides. Gideon is then sent away to tear down an altar to another god. Which this brave warrior does. At night so no one will see him.

Then God tells him to gather soldiers and fight the invaders. But Gideon wants proof and lays out a fleece. He wants God to make the fleece wet and the ground dry. Done. But that’s not enough, now Gideon wants a dry fleece and wet ground. God again comes through. Then there’s a funny bit of the story where God wittles down Gideons army until logically they stand no chance so victory can only be by God’s hand.

And Gideons army does win. Because of God. It’s an astounding victory.

Now I’ve sold Gideon a little short. He was understandably terrified. And he did ask for proof. But he was also obedient. God could still use this terrified, lowly person who needed constant reassurance. Because Gideon said yes. What can God use us for if we are only willing to say yes?

And are there times we need a fleece moment to be sure? Is that OK, to ask for reassurance? I don’t have an answer to that. But I do take heart from the fact that God chooses to use Gideon, despite Gideon’s obstacles. I do find reassurance in the fact that God doesn’t give up on Gideon. And I take courage from the fact that God sees Gideon for who he really is, not what the circumstances have made him into. Gideon is a mighty warrior, and God can see that even when he’s not behaving like one. I wonder who you really are?

40 day challenge day 14: The more you give the more you get

I did an assembly today. I had roughly 15 minutes to explain the concept of God’s love to 5-8 year olds. We started talking about Easter (Jesus died, got put in a tomb and came back to life), the reason Jesus did that and then we finished with a very energetic song. Love working with children!

Anyway, the reason Jesus died on the cross was because he loved us. Jesus died because he loved all of us. And there is enough love to go around.

In the past I’ve used a candle to show how God’s love spreads. If you start with one lit candle and light another from it, the light spreads without getting dimmer. Works especially well ina dark room.

But today we did it a little differently. I had a piece of paper with the words ‘God’s love’ written on it. So I, personally, had 4 corners of God’s love. And because I was being generous and didn’t really need 4 corners, I cut a corner off and gave it to one of the children. So they had one corner of God’s love, and I had 3, right? Except that’s not how it works. By cutting one corner off, I created 2 more. So my 4 corners became 5. And the one I cut off? Well, that actually had 3 corners.

So I cut another corner off. 4 minus 2 equals… that’s right, 6. I was now holding 6 corners, and there were another 6 corners in the room. They cut their in half and I cut more corners off and pretty soon we had 27 corners of God’s love.

I know it’s simplistic, I know you can’t equate love to corners. Except… isn’t that quite an accurate portrayal of God’s love? The more we share it with the people around us, the more of God’s love is around? The more people who know that God loves them, the more people act with love. And it multiplies exponentially. Imagine what the world would be like if we all shared that love, and the people we shared it with accepted it and shared it with others.

Love is a key theme that runs throughout the bible, from Genesis to Revelations. It is constant and unconditional. Sometimes we can over complicate things in order to make them seem sophisticated and grown up. But maybe God’s love is as simple as the corners of the piece of paper. The more you share it, the more you have.

40 day challenge day 13: Hands wide open

Yesterday I shared a seasonal piece of music that I love and which I find helps point me to God (which is the point of these 40 posts…). It was a long work, and quite intense.

Today, I heard another piece of music that is important to me. It’s much shorter and much simpler, but it comes with a story.

The song is called ‘Nothing I hold onto’. It basically has three sections, but somehow, despite its simplicity, it has a very deep meaning to me.

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of The Maker of heaven

I give it all to You, God
Trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me…

And I will climb this mountain
With my hands wide open

There’s nothing I hold on to

It’s very repetitive. Each of these sections is repeated many times, and the first bit comes back at the end. Unlike yesterday’s, the melody isn’t breathtaking. Its simple. But because of that, the words stand out.

So the line ‘trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me’ is one of the key lines. It’s a reminder that with everything we walk through, every mistake we’ve made, every scar we carry, God can use it all if we let him. Our stories matter. We don’t need to give the good bits and hide the bad bits. The whole story, all of our life, it has a meaning and a purpose. God didn’t cause the painful bits, but he can still use them.

The other key line for me is ‘I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open’. A few years ago now, I went on an 3 day walk with a group. The first day was baking hot walking through fields. I coped with that. The second day we climbed up the side of a gorge. I needed some encouragement, but I coped with that too. But on the third day… Parts of the walk were in silence as we reflected on a key thought or question. I can’t exactly remember what the question was, but I know I had that inner voice telling me I didn’t belong. John 10: 4 talks about the sheep of the flock knowing the voice of the shepherd. I didn’t. At that point, comparing myself with others (always dangerous!) I couldn’t recognise what was God’s voice. So that little inner voice was telling me I didn’t belong. If I didn’t recognise the voice, I wasn’t part of the flock.

Then we came to a hill. A steep hill. Not quite a mountain, but after 3 days and over 30 miles I was physically exhausted. And after hours with that voice I was mentally beaten too. I was at the back and I had to stop. But four others on the walk stopped with me. One took my bag, one gave me a drink and the other two offered words of encouragement and refused to leave me behind. Didn’t belong? They clearly thought I did. And the reflections of the walk were based on St Patrick’s prayer, and the last verse is:

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger

It was that last line that cut through the voice. Christ in mouth of friend and stranger. So yes, I climbed the ‘mountain’ with my hands wide open, with the encouragement of friends and strangers (although by that point, not quite strangers…). The view from the top was… clouds. But the feeling of belonging, of overcoming? I didn’t care about the clouds. Whenever I hear or sing that song, it reminds me again of that moment, how God used the people around me then to show me I belonged and he wasn’t going to leave me. He still does use my friends (and occasionally strangers…) to speak to me about key things. Who knows, maybe he’s used you! But remembering that, it also gives me courage to trust God to turn everything into something beautiful. Even if I can’t see it at that point.