40 day challenge day 32: Writers block

Have you ever put so much pressure on yourself that what you do can never be good enough? Have you ever set the expectation bar so high that you set yourself up for failure? Have you ever set perfection as the goal, to the extent that its easier not to even start because your scared you won’t succeed?

Just me?

I’ve got a piece of work to do and the deadline is fast approaching. I need to write a couple of sides of A4 for someone I’ve never met as a kind of introduction. I don’t want to give a bad impression before they’ve even met me! And it’s for something that is important to me, something that I’ve given a lot of time in prayer to, so I really, really don’t want to screw it up. So I have started writing, read it back and deleted it. And repeated. Multiple times…

Except that’s not the point, is it? To get it perfect? I’ve written before about perfection. However, it isn’t aiming for perfection that is causing me to stumble, it’s fear of messing it up. But God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear (also written about that recently).

I can think of someone in the bible who was held back by fear (amongst other things).

Moses was a miracle child. By rights, he should have been killed at birth because that is what Pharaoah had decreed: all Hebrew boys were to be killed so the Hebrew slaves wouldn’t overthrow the Egyptians. But Moses was hidden in plain sight. He was left in the Nile and found by Pharaoah’s daughter, then raised in the Palace as royalty. As a young man, he stood up for his people. He saw a slave being mistreated and confronted the Egyptian guard, killing him. He got it a bit wrong…

Moses then had to run for his life. He fled to the desert, where he met Jethro and married his daughter. Years later, while he is moving Jethro’s flock, he stumbles across a burning bush. God uses that bush to get Moses’ attention, then tells him to go back to Egypt to save the Hebrews, the task that he was saved for.

Big pressure! Big expectations! And Moses got it wrong before. So instead of looking at the burning bush that wasn’t burning up, or trusting the voice of God, or the subsequent miracles that God shows him, Moses sees the pressure, the opportunity to fail (again) and makes excuse after excuse about why he can’t go back, why God should choose someone else. Because if Moses fails, the consequences don’t bear thinking about! Maybe it was a fear of failure, a fear of messing up, that made Moses ignore what was right in front of him and instead hesitate.

But God doesn’t set us up for failure. And although it took a while, Moses did succeed. Or, more accurately, God succeeded, using Moses as his mouthpiece. Because essentially that is what Moses did. He passed in messages and warnings from God to Pharaoah. And God made sure no harm came to Moses.

OK, my writers block is very much less serious. No one gets hurt if I mess this up. But there is a lesson in Moses’ story, for all of us. Moses messed up as a young man. He was supposed to save the Hebrews and instead ended up fleeing for his life. His timing was off, or he went about it in the wrong way. But that mistake did not derail God’s plan. His mistake in the past did not dictate how his future would pan out. It wasn’t a case of one (very) bad choice and God could no longer use him. And if God can still use Moses after a serious mistake like that, he can still use us even after the mistakes that we make.

So fear of messing up (again) shouldn’t be enough to cause us to freeze. Or stop us from trying. And instead of hitting a brick wall (or writers block in my case), what we really need to do is stop and remember what it’s for. And who it’s for. God finds a way, despite our mistakes. It’s not really up to us. God loves people who make mistakes, he doesn’t count them out. So tomorrow I’m going to try again. I’m going to lower the bar and remember that a little rough around the edges is OK. I’m going to choose to trust that God will do his bit if I do mine. And I’m going to remember that God’s love for me doesn’t end if I don’t achieve perfection.

40 day challenge day 31: Be more Barnabus

You can tell something about a person by their favourite characters. Whether that’s their favourite character from a book or a film, or a real person they admire, there’s often something about that character that is similar to the person themselves, a quality that they share or a value they both hold.

I once did an experiment in church to find out other people’s favourite bible characters. It almost back-fired when someone said Balaam’s donkey…. However, on closer look it also fitted the example. Both were super reliable and both were obedient to God. Turns out, even when people are trying to throw a spanner in the works, my point still stands!

Anyway, the point of that waffle is to say that my favourite bible character is Barnabus. He is not often mentioned and yet has a lot of influence. He firsts gets mentioned in the book of Acts. He is the one that convinces the apostles (Jesus’ original 12 disciples) to give Saul (renowned persecutor of the early church, later changed his name to Paul) a chance to say his piece. On the road to Damascus, Jesus spoke to Saul and converted him from someone who hunted down Christians into someone who would spread the gospel. But he needed to approval of Peter and friends, and it was Barnabas who convinced them to hear him out.

Barnabus was also the one who took Paul along on his missionary trips. When they first travel, you find the pair called Barnabas and Saul, and then along the way they become Paul and Barnabas. He brings Paul along, gives him an opportunity to learn and grow, then steps aside and let’s him tale the lead.

Later, Barnabus and Paul set off on different missionary trips, and this time Barnabas takes with him John Mark. Earlier in Acts, John Mark starts a trip with Paul and Barnabus but for some reason pulls out and Paul won’t trust him to go on a trip again. But Barnabus gives him another chance.

Barnabus isn’t his actually name. His real name was Joseph. But his nickname was Barnabus, which means Son of Encouragement. And I think that’s an amazing nickname. Barnabus must have a good standing with the early Christians in Jerusalem because he convinces them to hear Saul (Paul) out. Barnabus is the one who gives Saul (Paul) his chance to spread the gospel. Barnabus is the one who doesn’t need the credit, but willing steps aside to let Paul fulf his calling. Barnabus is the one who sees past John Mark’s mistake and gives him another chance.

So there you have it, my favourite bible characters. Read into that what you want about me. I love to be an encourager, building other people up. I love to believe in people and give them another chance. I like to think that I can graciously step aside as I see someone else growing and give them the room to achieve their potential. And I know that I will speak up for someone I think is being unfairly treated.

The last 2 posts have spoken about thinking about using our gifts. I believe that one of my gifts is to be an encourager. I take joy in seeing others succeed, and I will build people up and encourage them whenever I see the opportunity (or I try to at least – I do make mistakes and miss opportunities to do that…)

So maybe have a think about your favourite character and what that says about who you are or who you want to be. And while your at it (just for fun), what would your nickname be if you were named after a defining characteristic? I think mine would have something to do with perseverance…

One final point about Barnabus (and this is something I admire but doubt will ever be able to emulate). Paul (probably) wrote most of the letters in the New Testament. John Mark (probably) went on to right Mark’s Gospel. Both were given the opportunity to grow and achieve by Barnabus. So, in a round about way, Barnabus enabled around 2/3 of the New Testament to be written. Not bad for someone who is only mentioned in 28 verses!

40 day challenge day 30: Timothy

There are a number of letters written by Paul (and others) in the bible. Some are written to whole cities/churches, and others are written to individuals. I want to take a quick look at one written to Timothy, a young man that Paul was imparting advice to so that he could lead with confidence and assurance.

Paul writes 2 letters to Timothy (or at least, there are 2 letters to Timothy in the bible. There may have been more, but only 2 have survived with enough credibility to be included). The bit I want to look at is at the beginning of the second letter.

“I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.’ (2 Timothy 1: 5-7)

First point: the people around us are important. As I’ve said previously, they don’t get to label us or dictate who we are (that’s God’s job) but they do get to set and example to us. I have had a number of good people around me who have pointed and continue to point me to God, who encourage me to trust and let faith speak louder than fear, and who patiently teach a (sometimes stubborn) student what it means to live and grow in Christ. The people around us are a legitimate part of the journey. They will walk alongside, pray, give advice and encourage.

Second point: even back in the day, people needed encouragement. Ever doubted yourself? Ever looked at the people around you and thought they had more to offer than you? Ever been hesitant to offer what skills and talents you have for any reason? So did Timothy. He had great role models, and still needed some extra encouragement to step out and use what he had. So if that’s you too, you’re not alone. But as Paul says to Timothy, the Spirit does not make us timid, but instead gives us the ability to be bold and use those gifts.

God’s gifts are not meant to be hidden, but neither are we supposed to step out alone. God promises to always be with us. Jesus says that God will send his Spirit to us. When we trust in that Spirit, we can use the gifts without fear. And when we are in doubt of that, those trusted people around us can help point us back to God.

“Fan into flame the gift of God” – what gifts has God given to you?

40 day challenge day 29: Faith over Fear

A friend once gave me a picture. I love it and have it somewhere I can see it often. It has a mouse floating on a dandelion seed and says ‘let your faith be bigger than your fear’.

Part of what I love about it is that it doesn’t say ‘don’t be afraid’ which is something we are often told. That phrase appears many times in the bible. Now, I don’t know about you, but being told to not be afraid is not the most comforting thing to hear. It’s not like I can just switch off fear as an emotion! So this picture gives advice that is easier to take on board – don’t let fear dictate your actions, choose faith instead.

One of my go to bible stories comes after Jesus feeds the 5000. He sends the disciples ahead across the lake while he takes some time alone, then he walks across the water to get to the other side. There is a massive storm and the disciples’ boat is still trying to sail across so Jesus catches them up. The disciples don’t recognise him at first and think he’s a ghost. Then he calls out to them (to not be afriad…) and they recognise him. And Peter, our favourite impulsive disciples calls out to Jesus, saying, “Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water.” So Jesus says, ‘Come!”

Now, the disciples were human, just like you and me. They were also fishermen, so used to the lake and its currents. And yet the storm was so bad that they were scared. So Peter is facing all of that when Jesus calls him to step out. I personally wouldn’t have blamed him if he had decided to stay in the boat. Except…

He must be feeling afraid at that point, but he trusts Jesus enough to take that first step. And he doesn’t sink! He actually walks on water! Imagine what that would feel like. Imagine the trust he must have had in Jesus to obey that command.

When people use the excuse ‘so and so told me to do it’ and they are then asked, ” If they told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” I know the answer is supposed to be no. But if you trusted the person asking you, and I mean really trusted them, would you do it then? Would you assume that they had a good reason for asking you to do it, even though it defied logic? Would you trust that no harm would come to you?

Because that’s what Peter shows here. Logically, he should have stayed in the boat where it was safe (ish) but he chooses faith and experiences something incredible. He trusted Jesus enough to know that no harm would come to him if he obeyed. And Jesus showed that trust was well placed. As long as Peter focused on faith, he stayed on the surface. When the fear took over he started to sink, and Jesus immediately reached out and stopped him sinking. Immediately. No harm came to Peter for being obedient.

So back to my mouse floating on a dandelion seed. I imagine that would be quite an experience! But only if that mouse chose to move past the fear. What opportunities do we miss because of fear?

So I like to be reminded that feeling fear is not a bad thing, as long as my faith is bigger. Because fear means I don’t act rashly, but if my faith is strong enough, I won’t miss the opportunities and experiences God is calling me into.

40 day challenge day 28: Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again

Another musical one! I enjoy watching older films. I used to watch them al lot with my grandparents. I love ‘Singin in the Rain’, but I have a soft spot for anything starring Fred Astaire. The films are simple, feel good films, the music is catchy and the dancing is just so effortless.

There’s one particular song from one particular film that has stuck with me. In the film ‘Swing Time’, Fred Astaire plays a character who can dance, and who is trying to get to know a lady (played by Ginger Rogers) who teaches at a dance school. So Astaire’s character enrolls in the school pretending that he wants to learn to dance, and wants this lady to teach him. (There’s a lot more to it than that, I’m just getting to the point quickly)

He is a very clumsy student who falls over so much that his teacher declares that she can’t teach him anything. So he turns on the charm and sings a song about what to do when you fall. It’s called ‘Pick yourself up’ and uses the repeated phrase, ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again’. Its a song about being teachable and keeping trying.

This does have a biblical link (at least, it does in my head). Jesus travels around with 12 young men (and lots of others, but he particularly chooses the 12). They follow him and watch him and learn from him. As a teacher, I know that Jesus would never give up on them, but at times you can almost read the frustration on what Jesus says. You find him saying, “do you still not understand?” And many times has to explain himself more than once. But in particular, there’s Peter.

Peter often says the right thing, there’s no doubting his courage for speaking his mind, or his heart for trying to get it right. But equally as often, he says the wrong thing. He declares that Jesus won’t die, despite that being written in the old testament prophesies, and being Jesus’ reason for coming. He suggests building tents for Moses, Elijah and Jesus on the mountaon during the transfigura – as if heavenly beings need a permanent residence on earth. He impulsively cuts off a soldiers ear in the garden when Jesus is arrested (probably, there is some conflict about whether it was Peter or not…). He denies Jesus three times around the fire while Jesus is being tried…

And yet, each time he accepts the knock, accepts he’s got it wrong (again) and keeps going. Although he does often speak without necessarily thinking, he doesn’t make the same mistake twice – he learns. And at the end, he is one of the most influential people in the spread of the early church. Whe he got rebuked or knocked down, he didn’t stay down but tried again and eventually became a teacher in his own right.

So God is a patient teacher (not quite like Ginger in the film…) and we need to be good students. Not perfect students who never make mistakes (that’s not what being a studenteans!) But students who, when we do make mistakes and get knocked down, are able to get up, brush off the mistake and try again.

40 day challenge day 27: A job well done

I painted a labyrinth this week… We are setting up some interactive prayer stations, and one of those stations is a labyrinth. For those who are interested, a labyrinth is different from a maze because there is only one path that takes you to the centre, no dead ends. Its an inevitable journey with only one destination although lots of twists and turns. So I decided it would be a good idea to make one.

I bought a dust sheet that would be big enough and looked up online how to draw one. Then I got a paint can to mark the middle and drew 6 circles in crayon. Then I marked the extra ‘vertical’ lines that would mark out the path. And after that took me a couple of hours and much frustration, I got out the fabric paint. I started to paint over the crayon lines so that it would be permanent.

Did you know, dust sheets aren’t paint proof? I lifted the sheet to find paint on the floor underneath (fortunately, a hard cleanable surface…) So I had to put some waterproof sheets underneath before I could continue. Needless to say, this relatively simple task of following instructions became a rather frustrating task with lots of lateral thinking needed. And the end result isn’t perfect. But I am satisfied with it. I know there are mistakes, but it will serve the purpose, and looking at it I feel a sense of achievement. It’s not bad for 1 person, some fabric paint/pens and a dust sheet.

The point? It reminded me of two things I heard a couple of years ago about God and us. One was using the imagery of a child drawing a house with a garden and trees. And it’s not a work of art. It’s a little messy, and that might be a dog in the picture, or it might be an alien… But the point is that a loving parent may stick that to the fridge. And that’s like God. When we proudly present him with our work of art, out masterpiece, which to him is like a child’s crayon drawing of a house, you can bet he will smile broadly and stick it to his fridge. Well, I’m sure he would if he had a fridge… The point is, he doesn’t look at it critically and point out all the flaws. He doesn’t say its not good enough, rip it up and throw it away. He takes pride in what you do and loves to celebrate achievements and creations.

The second thing I heard was a story of someone painting a room. And their small child helped them. In their own way, with not tidy strokes, they enjoyed ‘helping’ paint the room. And when they were finished, both parent and child stepped back and looked at the room. And the child said, “Look at what’s we’ve done, isn’t it great!”

Now the child only contributed a little, and it was probably painted over by the parent when the child wasn’t looking, but the parent didn’t contradict the child. Instead they celebrated together about a job well done. Together.

God is like that too. We work together. What we contribute as we love people and pray for people and serve people is like what that child contributed when painting the room: it’s a little messy, but it’s our best and done with good intentions. And God is like the parent. He will celebrate what we have done and enjoy working with us, even though he doesn’t need us.

Because he is about relationship. He’s about growth and creativity. He is a proud parent who loves us. He sticks our drawings on the fridge with fondness and he looks at the painted room and smiles down at our helpful contribution. Because that was always the intention, right back in Genesis. We would walk together and work together.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is give yourself a break if things aren’t perfect. Have you tried your best? Could you have done better? God loves you because you are you, not because of your work. And don’t be afraid to try things out. Don’t be afraid to offer help to God. He doesn’t need it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. And at the end of the day, he will look down at you and your small contribution to his kingdom, and say, “that’s a job well done.”

40 day challenge day 26: Reunion of the heart

During the 2020 lockdown, the place where I worked had a Zoom social with the theme of wearing something from our favourite band/artist. I didn’t have a lot of those. Strike that, I had one I could wear. And so it became a bit of a running joke that I, the youngest in the office, was a mega fan of an artist who is getting on a bit. He started in the 60’s and has hits in every decade since, the only person to have done that. And to be fair, I do enjoy listening to his music and have some of his CD’s. But when I was at Uni studying music, I was advised not to shout too loudly that I liked this guy. So obviously I’m not going to reference him in a public blog, right?

Except, there is a song that he performs which is perfect for pointing to God. So, here we are. I am unashamedly a fan of Cliff Richard (although not his biggest fan…) I grew up listening to his music and can sing along to a good number of them.

The one I want to focus on, and the reason I am publicly declaring my fondness for Cliff, is called ‘Reunion of the Heart’

It tells a story, and could almost be the Israelites story. “You picked me up when I was living down Iin Egypt” – sounds like what God did back in Exodus. The song is about being shown how important you are, but still you wander away. And even though you wonder away, you are called back by someone calling your name. You are hesitant to return, you mucked it up last time and you don’t want to make the same mistake again, but the voice doesn’t stop calling…

OK, now I’ve butchered the lyrics! But that gives a sense of what the song is about. And how true is that of us and God? If Egypt is metaphorical for us, a place where we are trapped or at the mercy of another, God meets us and offered freedom. How often do people get that offer and walk away? Look at the parable of the prodigal son. He has love and security, but he walks away thinking there was something better, more exciting. But he realises his mistake and turns back to his father, not as a son because he knows he doesn’t deserve that and he messed up, but he comes back looking to work as a servant in the household. The father has other ideas.

In this song, the voice calls out a personal invite to return. You think the owner of that voice doesn’t know what a mess we’ve made? But the voice calls anyway. God calls anyway. He can handle the mess and the mistakes, he just wants us to hear that invite and come back – not as unworthy servants, but as family, fresh with a new start. Sometimes traditional hymns are a bit old and dirge-like, and sometimes contemporary worship songs just don’t hit the mark. But there is a whole world of music out there, and God doesn’t see it as ‘church music” and “secular music”, he just hears “music”. So I don’t mind saying that this particular song really points me to God. (And if you like this one check out “You’ll be in my heart” by Phil Collins…)

40 day challenge day 25: True humility

What comes to mind when you think of humility? It’s the opposite of pride, right? Except its also the opposite of self doubt. Humility is acknowledgement of our weaknesses and our strengths. It is holding the balance between leading and serving. It is being only human and wonderfully human at the same time. It is holding in tension confidence and modesty.

Which is another way of saying I can’t really define humility…

I once spoke in church about humility and how Jesus shows us that. Using a passage in Philippians where Jesus is described as both human and divine, where it is described how he left divinity to become human and walk among us, I talked about how Jesus modelled what it would look like to be humble.

Jesus, The Word, The Creator, Omnipresent. He was born to Mary and had to learn to talk. He had to be spoon fed. He had to be shown how to nail two pieces of wood together. He had to walk around Galilee.

He gave up divine power to be obedient and to save us. (To clarify, he never stopped being divine, just like we can never stop being children of God – its who he was). And coming to earth, he isn’t born into wealth, power or priviledge, but to a young girl and a carpenter, in a back room at an inn where there wasn’t enough room. He was a refugee by the time he was 2. When he goes to be baptised, he waits in line just like everyone else.

God tears apart the heavens to claim Jesus as his son, and Jesus ‘celebrates’ by spending 40 days in the desert being tempted to use his identity as Son of God to make life easier. But he chooses not to. He chooses to trust God. He waits and doesn’t try to claim the power offered to him, or take the food to ease his pain, or test God to prove that he’s real. He chooses patience, faith and trust. He chooses to be human. He chooses to use his human voice to declare God’s words from the Old Testament, divine words. Because God is never silent, sometimes we have to choose to trust him like Jesus did.

And yet this man also answered the Pharisees questions with authority. He taught and people listened. He commanded respect. And he still knelt and washed his disciples feet. Leading and serving. Secure in who he was, comfortable to be himself without apology. Reaching out and healing with a touch or a word. Kneeling in the garden and crying out to God for respite and help. Strength and weakness. He served but never bowed down. He wasn’t better than the least of us, neither was he worse than the best of us.

I thought this level of humility was unattainable. Looking at the people around me, I see people modelling an extraordinary amount of love, or living with almost unbelievable amounts of faith and trust, but I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone who showed me that level of humility. Not someone perfect, but someone so secure of who they are in Christ that they take responsibility of mistakes. Someone who will take the credit where it is due and still point to God. Someone confident and yet modest.

And maybe to reach that level of reliance on God, that level of self-assurance and God-assurance, you need to be broken and put back together. Maybe you need to experience God’s grace in such a way that you only ever want to be grateful for what you have and point others to the person who gave it to you.

I’m doing a bad job of describing it. But I do know a person who has a level of humility I didn’t think was possible, and that I want to emulate. It’s not out of reach. Its not something only for Jesus.

True humility can acknowledge when it has done well without arrogance and when it hasn’t without beating itself up. True humility can build others up without fear of knocking self down. True humility gives credit and doesn’t seek attention.

Jesus is truly, wonderfully, humbly human, and if we choose it, we can be too.

40 day challenge day 24: Jesus on the outside

I love discovering new angles when reading the bible. I was reading John 9 earlier. Its a widely recognised passage. There is a man who has been blind from birth. The disciples ask why the man is blind, whether it was because he had sinned or his parents had sinned. Jesus answers that neither has sinned, but this was an opportunity to show the works of God. He then proceeds to spit in the dirt and create mud, then put that on the man’s eyes. The man goes to wash in a specific pool and he is miraculously healed.

That’s the bit of the story often told. But it was the bit after that I read today. The Pharisees have let it be known that if anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue. The man’s parents back off and let the man himself take responsibility. When the Pharisees question the man he answers honestly about what Jesus has done for him and refuses to call him a sinner. He doesn’t back down and the tries to explain to them how Jesus couldn’t be a sinner because God listens to him (and the thinking at the time was that God didn’t listen to sinners). The Pharisees take umbridge at him trying to teach them and threw him out.

This is the bit that caught my attention today. Jesus heard that he had been cast out and came to find him and revealed himself as the Son of Man (old testament name for the Messiah…)

Stop for a second. Jesus had already given this man his sight. But when he heard that the man had been thrown out of the synagogue, Jesus takes the time to search him out and speak to him. The man could have denied Jesus, he could have given in to the Pharisees, but he chose to believe in Jesus. And Jesus meets him there. Jesus blessed the man with his sight, it was the choice of the Pharisees to kick him out. Jesus didn’t leave him there, he invited him to be one of his followers.

I wonder if there are people around who have been made not welcome in our places of worship or at our meetings? I wonder if you are one of those people? Take heart from this passage. Jesus searches for those on the outside. He meets them. He won’t let them be abandoned, no matter what mistakes the leaders have made. The Jesus worshipped inside churches is just as present to those outside, those who for whatever reason don’t feel comfortable or welcome inside. Jesus makes the invite to them to be a part of his family. Jesus is on the outside.