An ordinary Christian's thoughts on the journey through life
It’s been a long and satisfying weekend, but my brain is a little fried, so I thought I’d share a picture I have lodged in the front of my bible. It reminds me, no matter what is happening, God’s love is constant. Oh, and it makes me smile because its a duck…
Yesterday I was witness to some amazing teaching. A very good friend was encouraging another person to pray.
Sometimes when we pray we can think it all rests on us. If things don’t change, it’s our fault. Maybe we used the wrong words or weren’t holy enough. And that fear can sometimes stop us from making that step to pray.
So this friend used the best analogy I have heard in a long time. She said that when we pray it’s like asking for a McDonalds. You place the order but you don’t make the burger! Prayer is you placing the request, while God fulfills the order. God is the one who has the responsibility, God is the one who gets the credit, God is the one with the plan.
OK, slightly simplified, but for teaching and encouraging someone to pray, I think it’s pretty good. I’m going to be borrowing that one for my teaching!
Picking up on yesterday’s theme, I found some inspiration from another children’s film. Ferdinand is a film about a bull who starts life in a school for teaching bulls to fight (there’s probably a proper term, can’t think of it off the top of my head). He sees his Dad get taken to a matador fight, and the trailer return empty. He runs away and ends up on a farm with a young girl (and her father). He grows up being loved and with no one telling him who he should be. He discovers he loves to dance and roll around in the flowers.
Now, Ferdinand is a very fine specimen of a bull. He is huge and strong. When he goes to the local flower festival, chaos ensues and he gets sent away to a bull school. The same one he ran away from. The other bulls recognise and remember him, and aren’t impressed. Both them and the trainers try and make him into a fighter. Ferdinand refuses to trade in who he is in order to please the trainers or the other bulls, and in doing so is a positive influence on the bulls around him. One particular bull, the alpha bull, says at one point, “So I should dance around and care for flowers?” (Or something like that anyway…) and Ferdinand replies, “No, that’s me. You do you.” (or words to that effect).
It is a great film and teaches about the importance of being who you were made to be, and not who others want you to be (basically, yesterday’s post) but it also shows the effect that can have on the people around us. If we have the courage to be who God made us to be and not give in to the pressure to conform, maybe, just maybe, that courage can be contagious. And just imagine how varied and interesting life would be if we had the courage to be ourselves, if we had the courage to ‘do us’ instead of fitting the mould! How much fun would it be to show off our individual styles instead of being told they were wrong! What would you do if you weren’t afraid of what others thought? What would happen if we celebrated what makes each of us unique instead of criticising it? What does ‘you do you’ mean to you?
And while you ponder on that, check out what ‘you do you’ meant to the bus Ferdinand met…
On Sunday I shared 2 songs. On Tuesday I explored the meaning behind the first one. On Wednesday I wrote about how to move on from that place. So today, I’ll look a little at the second song.
As a reminder, it’s called ‘Tryin” and is about not trying to be who others want you to be, not trying to fit in, and learning to love who you are, exactly as you are.
The world around us has loads of images that tell us what passes as beautiful/handsome. That doesn’t always match what we see in the mirror. The world is wrong, not the mirror. You are uniquely beautiful/handsome and the world doesn’t get to make you believe otherwise. God made you, you are beautiful.
The people around us can tell us who/what we are. Or what we’re not! Sometimes they might be right. But before you believe what they say, no matter how well meaning, judge it against what God says.
I can give an example. I shared with a friend a specific gift I feel I have, a characteristic trait that I am comfortable with about myself. That person told me I didn’t have that gift, that character trait, because if I did I would be more like someone else (a mutual friend of ours).
Well, let me tell you, I believed them. I counted myself out. Because I wasn’t like that other person, clearly I didn’t have that trait. Let me also tell you, my friend was absolutely wrong. It took me a little while to realise it, but that gift, that trait, is just as evident in me as it is in that other person, even if it looks different.
Just to clarify, my friend wasn’t trying to put me down or belittle me. In fact, she was trying to help me. But in this instance, listening to her was not the right move on my part.
Think of a cake. Different ratios of ingredients show themselves differently in each cake. Doesn’t mean the ingredient isn’t there! So God is like the master baker, carefully measuring out the ingredients for each of his creations in the ratios he intends, and the combinations that are just right. OK, that’s not technically theologically accurate, I made that one up. You won’t find that analogy in the bible. But it’s a good image!
So linking this back to the song, we don’t need to change to be the person other people think we are. We don’t need to measure up to pictures in magazines. The person we are, the person God made? That person is enough. The same God that took care to create the delicate butterfly, patiently crafted you (and me…)
So maybe instead of wishing to be different we should try loving the person we are. I’m not saying never change. Growth is good! But change because its right for you, because God is directing that, and not because the people around you want you to be different.
You are enough. You have been hand-made with love by the Master Baker himself. You are amazing.
Yesterday I wrote about shame and how it can cause us to hide. I wrote how shame isn’t from God and basically isn’t a good thing (understatement…)
I’m aware that not everyone will have a problem with shame, but I also think it is something that can creep in without us realising it. Maybe it creeps in for a period in our lives: as a new parent, as a newly wed, in a new job… Or maybe its been a companion for years and we just didnt know the name of it. It can steal away exciting new opportunities and keep us trapped in a metaphorical pit.
Shame is something that can isolate us. It can cause us to hide away, or lash out and be defensive. It can lead us to feel like imposters, like we have to pretend to be someone we’re not. Society doesn’t help. We are constantly fed images of how we should look and instructions on how to act or think, and if we don’t fit that then we’re wrong. And that’s the key of shame. It tells us we are wrong. Maybe it makes us feel like we’re not worthy of things – success, happiness, love…
God says otherwise. If shame makes us compare ourselves unfavorably, God says don’t bother. Romans 3: 23-24 says ‘all have fallen short of the glory of God and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus’.
Let’s unpack that a moment. All have fallen short. Everyone. No one gets it right all the time. We all miss the mark. So give yourself a break.
All are justified freely by his grace. All. Everyone. No exception. Jesus dies for everyone. If you think you’re not worthy, grace says you are. Because of Jesus.
So what is grace? I did a Bible study a couple of weeks back where we attempted to answer that question in an hour. Needless to say we didn’t exactly succeed. But we did have some interesting thoughts. Here’s some of my favourites:
Grace is the vessel through which we receive everything else: love, peace, joy… all received because of God’s grace. Grace is something undeserved, but given anyway. We can’t always feel it, but it is always there. It’s like a cosmic trapeze – we have to let go and trust that the next one will be there (and the bible says it always will!) Grace is forgiveness, it’s not getting the punishment we deserve.
Here’s another thought: Grace isn’t fair. No matter how hard we work, how often we go to church, how many good deeds we do, or indeed how few or infrequently, the level of grace is the same. At our lowest, we can be glad of that. At our most productive, maybe we’re not so glad to hear that. Brene Brown talks about grace using one of Jesus’ parables (video below, warning for some mild swearing)
So, with that brief look at grace, knowing we don’t deserve it but it is freely given anyway, the things that make us hide in shame, or push people away in defense don’t need to be hidden. That’s what shame says. You’re not good enough, they won’t accept you if they know that about you, you’re not worth it. But grace says you are enough, you are accepted, you are most definitely worth it. Jesus gave everything out of love, not because he owed you anything. So if that is you, if there is something you think you need to keep hidden, don’t. Bring it into the light (good Christian phrase…) If it’s in the open, there’s no where for shame to work.
And no, grace isn’t fair. But isn’t that the point?
This is the post I wanted to write yesterday but ran out of time. It picks up on the first song I posted on Sunday. The chorus says is about how we say we’re fine when we’re not. The song talks about how we present one side to the world which isn’t necessarily true to what’s going on inside.
I once sat in a talk where the speaker talked about how he wouldn’t accept the answer “I’m fine” if he asked how someone was. It’s a bit of a non answer and can cover a lot without giving any information away. And it’s an answer we often give, perhaps in part because we think the person asking the question is just being polite (particularly if your British) rather than actually interested in the question. I’ve been guilty of using ‘fine’ as a way of not sharing how I’m really feeling. But this speaker said that, to him, fine stood for Feelings Inside Not Expressed, and he would often follow up with the person. He cared, and that’s why he asked the question, not because he was being polite.
The song I shared talks about how we don’t tell the truth about how we’re feeling, we don’t let people know when we feel like things are out of control. Maybe because we’re comparing to others who have seemingly perfect lives (who are probably also hiding the bad bits) or because we’re ashamed of mistakes or failures, or of appearing weak.
This is something I feel strongly about. I have been in that place of not wanting to ask for help because I was ashamed of the weakness, felt I was making a fuss when others were dealing with harder things than me. I have put in a mask every time I was with other people. I have used the answer ‘fine’ instead of being honest. And I did that with God as well as the people around me.
So, speaking from experience, here’s some wisdom: it is unnecessarily exhausting and damaging. Often, how we imagine others will react is the worst case scenario, and people are actually more patient and compassionate than we give them credit for. I’m not saying we need to be open and vulnerable with everyone we meet. I imagine the person scanning our shopping could do without our life story! But that doesn’t mean we have to shut everyone out.
I am someone who cares. If I ask how you are, I’m asking because I’m interested in the answer, and I will make time to listen if that’s what you need. And I am not unique in that. I can guarantee there are people around you who are the same. I have gathered around me ‘Team Karen’ – people I can call on when I need a shoulder to lean on or to just sit and eat cake (other foods also available…) Now, these are people too, and sometimes they get it wrong. And it hurts when they do. But it is an open and honest hurt that can be dealt with. It’s better than trying to bottle it up inside and ignore it in order to present a strong face to everyone.
And, if you have a faith, there is definitely no need to shut God out. There is no part of who you are or what you’ve done that God doesn’t know. He loves you anyway. You don’t need to be strong for God. He’s stronger than you even on your strongest day. And you don’t need to hide in shame from God. Shame is not from God.
In Genesis, in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve had everything they needed. They walked with God in the garden and had food and work, and they were content. Then the serpent got involved. God had given them one rule, one boundary, for their own good. But they were tempted. They ate the fruit from the tree that they shouldn’t have done. And it is at that point they realise they are naked and are ashamed. Shame does not come from God. We don’t need to hide anything from him.
And even after, when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions, Adam and Eve are not abandoned. God provides clothing for them, and he keeps watch over them and their children. Even when we mess up, even when we are weak, even when we feel like we’re losing control, we don’t need to hide from God.
When Jesus is walking around Israel he doesn’t turn away from sinners, he turns towards them. He doesn’t walk past the sick and the beggars, he stops and talks to them. He doesn’t ignore those who are mourning, he reaches out to them. That is the nature of God.
So what I’ve learnt (the hard way, not recommended) is that if I give people a chance to help, they want to step up. I don’t have to compare my problems to anothers. (What I find hard to deal with another may find easy, but I might not struggle with the things that they struggle with – comparison is not helpful!) And God never wants us to hide from him. He created humans to be in an open relationship with him. He knows it anyway, so trying to hide it is a waste of time. And by being open and honest with God, in my experience, he can direct the right person into my path to help me through that stretch. Letting people and God in doesn’t make the problem or the pain disappear, but it does make it easier to bear.
So, if I ask you how you are and you tell me fine, expect a follow up question! I care. And so does God.
It’s been a long and busy day, so only a short post. But a very apt post considering how much work I’ve fitted in…
Like 10: 20 says ‘Do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.’
This is Jesus talking to his 72 followers. He had sent them off to do what they had seen him doing and they had come back talking about what they had achieved. You can almost imagine the hubbub of chatter as they compare notes with each other, almost boasting about what they’ve just done. Here Jesus is quick to remind them that if they subdued a thousand spirits or no spirits, the thing to rejoice in is that their claimed by God.
Our works are not the main focus, God is. Whether we succeed or fail, our names are still written in heaven. Are we ever tempted to be like those 72 followers, boasting and comparing, focusing on works? How often do we fall into the trap of comparison? How often do we allow failure to define us? How often do we brag about success?
How often do we choose God over our achievements?
So after a day of being busy and achieving a lot, I just needed to remind myself that my worth is not based on work.
Someone wise once said to me: At the end of the day, God says do you love me?
Yes, I do.
As I found out last week, the 40 days of lent don’t include Sundays so I don’t have a long post today. What I do have are 2 songs which I really connected with when I first heard them. The songwriter, Matthew West, uses real people and real experiences to influence his songs, and the lyrics of these two songs have really connected with me over the past few years.
One is a song called ‘Truth be told’ about how we hide behind being fine when actually we’re not. Been there, done that… And the things about God is he already knows we’re broken so we don’t need to hide from him. Longer post on that later in the week (I’ve got 40 days to fill, can’t put it all out there too soon!)
The other is called ‘Tryin” about no longer trying to be like another person, but to be who God made us to be. Big journey for me, to realise that I am enough in God’s eyes, just as I am. We are each unique, the mould is broken after we’re made. Trying to be someone else defeats the point of being made uniquely… Again, more on that later (probably…)
The 2 songs are kind of complete opposites, but the first step to reaching the point of being enough as you are (song 2) is to stop pretending that everything is OK (song 1).
So nothing too deep, just a couple of songs to listen to and reflect on and see what God says through them:
OK, slightly strange title, but bear with me. I enjoy going onong walks. I especially enjoy going in long walks in the countryside with a group. Last year, I did one of these walks and there was a point where we had a choice of going straight on or turning right. We were looking for a specific building and as we couldn’t obviously see it ahead, we decided to turn right. This took us between 2 fields, then a left turn along the top of one of the fields and another left turn to go back down its side.
Yep, we’d done three sides of the square, and that brought us out in the same place as if we had gone straight on. No harm done, just a slightly longer walk. But, and this is the important bit, as we walked along the top of the field we also passed some pigs. We wouldn’t have been able to see them from the bottom route. So our detour had added something to our journey. If we had gone straight on and taken the shorter route, we wouldn’t have seen the pigs.
There’s a theological point there too. The bible says that God has a plan for us, and some believe that there is one specific plan. My belief is that there is an end goal and we will end up where we are supposed to be. But that doesn’t mean we won’t take detours. The Israelitea travelled 40 years in the dessert (a 40 year detour) and got to experience some incredibly things by God’s hand. Jonathan took a detour on his way to Ninevah (OK, he ran away in the opposite directuon) but God used that to show the sailors on the ship who he was and how he could control the storm, and to show Jonah his mercy. Oh, and Jonah got to see the inside of a fish.
We won’t always take the most direct route to where we are supposed to be, but I firmly believe that in every detour there is something to see or learn. So don’t despair if you think you’re going the long way round, just keep your eye out for them pigs!
You are not defined by your mistakes. You are not defined by your successes. You are not defined by your job. You are not defined by what you own. You are not defined by what you have been. You are not defined by what others think of you.
Unless you let yourself be…
You are defined by what you choose to believe you are. Following on from yesterday’s post about Gideon being a ‘Mighty Warrior’, I wanted to write a bit more about who we are.
People around us can say things that end up sticking, and they become part of our identities. Fat, stupid, negative, selfish, coward, a failure, a liar, the one who missed the shot, the one who forgot the words, the shy one, the arrogant one… I’m sure you could add to that list some labels that have been given to you over the years. Maybe there are some positive ones in there too: the fun one, the clever one, the one who solves problems, the one who bakes great cakes, the pretty one, the reliable one… Again, I’m sure you can add to that list.
The problem is that when the negative labels become a huge part of who we are, it can limit what we do. If we believe we are a coward, we won’t take risks. If we believe we are a failure, we won’t oush ourselves. You get the idea. If the positive labels become a huge part of who we are there is pressure to live up to that. So what happens when you don’t have the answers? What happens when you need to step back and look after yourself but that would mean letting others down?
The other things is that the people around us only see part of the story. The people around Gideon wouldn’t have called him a mighty warrior. But God saw his potential. Gideon chose to believe God, not the people around him. Have you ever seen something in yourself that the people around have taken away? Maybe they’ve told you that you’re not who you think you are. You have the choice to listen to them, or to believe in yourself.
God sees you. He has claimed you, adopted you into his family (Ephesians 1), you are his child (1 John 3) and the apple of his eye (Psalm 17). He sees the real you, not the skewed view of the people around you. So his is the reliable voice. You are his (Isaiah 43). And if you ask him, and listen to him, he can tell you who you are. At the most basic level, you are his child. And nothing will change that – no scars, no mistakes, no decisions. You can choose to believe that, or to believe what the people around you say. But I guarantee God’s voice is more accurate. He sees the best you can be. And if God sees that and believes in you, you don’t have to worry about what others think. Because God is enough.
You are his much loved child, and he will never leave you.
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