40 day challenge day 12: the power of music

I am musically trained. I’ve been singing since I was 6, playing the piano since I was 7 and the clarinet since I was 10 (ish), and along the way I have dabbled with the organ, the accordian, the recorder (as in, more than just school level) and I own a violin and a guitar. I am also a conductor and the musical director of a community choir. I see how much joy music can bring to both the performers and the audience.

So perhaps it is no wonder that music speaks very strongly to my soul. I don’t mean that music makes me want to sing along, or music changes my mood (although some pieces/songs certainly do that), I mean that there are some songs that just hit really deeply within me. They help me feel a very strong connection to some aspect of God.

God is a creator and an artist, and Zephaniah 3: 16 says that God rejoices over us with singing. To me, some music captures something of God. So, here’s where I share a few in the hope they may help others discover something of God.

Piece 1: Stainer’s Crucifixion. OK, starting with something simple…

Often sung on Good Friday, this extended piece tells the story of Jesus’ death with solos/duets, choir anthems, congregational hymns and the odd organ voluntary. I think the whole work is worth a listen if you have a spare hour, but there are two parts that particularly stand out for me.

God so loved the world. Based on John 3:16, the words and the music marry perfectly. The music really helps to highlight the important words and convey the feeling. It’s a more tranquil movement compared to some others. Partly its the familiarity of this that speaks to me (I may have sung it once or twice…) but there is also the way the music swells at eternal life and the stillness and quietness of it. Its a reflective piece reminding us of why Jesus let himself be crucified, placed in the middle of the musical work with all the voices singing together in harmony.

The second is called ‘The appeal of the crucified’. At this point, Jesus is on the cross. The song goes through a range of emotions. There are clashing harmonies, changing tempos and juxtaposed dynamics. Then there is a section that is almost pleading for people to come to Jesus, to believe in the sacrifice. The words are almost the thoughts that may be going through Jesus’ head at this point. The words and the music coupled together speak powerfully to me about the reason for the sacrifice. God wanted to walk with us, that was the plan from the very beginning at Eden. This was a redemption plan to save us because God couldn’t bear the thought of eternity without us.

God has done his bit. He suffered and died in order to make a way for us. But we have to do a bit too. We have to step forwards. We have to accept that gift, that sacrifice. In this movement I am reminded of that as Jesus pleads or questions the bystanders or pass by-ers. Jesus didn’t go through that for fun. He was serious about saving us. How amazing is that, to know that someone would do that for you?

That’s music speaking to my heart, it’s God talking to me in a way that is apt for me, to remind me to not give up because Jesus didn’t. He could have. He could have run away or taken the easy way out, but he didn’t. He suffered. Because God loved the world. Because God loves me. Because God loves you.

Best recording in my opinion. God so loved at 23:25, Appeal of the Crucified at 45:34.

40 day challenge day 11.5: ‘Seek him in his temple’

So apparently, in order to make lent last 40 days and stretch from Ash Wednesday to Easter, it doesn’t include Sundays… So, post 11.5. Rather than a full blown post, I’m gonna keep it simple.

I was reading Psalm 27, and verse 4 stuck with me:

One thing I ask from the Lord,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the House of the Lord

all the days if my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

and to seek him in his temple

This is the psalm that ends with ‘Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord’ – good advice, but not easy advice.

It struck me because I am always looking for security, for a plan. But actually, what I need to do is trust in God’s promises. There is comfort there. Living with God, trusting him, seeking him… that brings peace. When things around are out of control, seeking God is a way to hold onto hope and not give in to despair.

40 day challenge day 11: what do I know about football?!

I once told a friend I could make a theological point based on anything. We then proceeded to have a theological discussion based on an odd sock…

However, I think I may have exaggerated. Because a different friend requested football in a post. I am not an avid follower of football, I much prefer playing sport to watching it. I know there are 2 teams who are trying to score a goal while defending their own. I know there are some serious rivalries between teams (growing up, it was a big deal whether you supported Portsmouth or Southampton…) I know a lot of young people join football teams or play it in the playground. I know that at games there is a sense of unity between fans, with spontaneous outbursts of songs, collective cheering and groaning and colour-coded clothing.

So, having shown off my ignorance, can I also write a post about football that links to God? I’ll let you decide that.

My sport of choice is badminton. I’ve been playing it since I was 6. I was part of a local club where I trained alongside others. I won, I lost, I fell over (a lot!) I got a few trophies for winning too. And when I progressed though the levels, I stayed and helped the younger players to train. I’d play in a way that would help them learn rather than win. And I’d encourage them. But I was much more of a player than a watcher.

Unless it was in a team match. Then I’d love to watch my team. I shout encouragement from the side and come alongside players when disappointment hit.

That’s something I can appreciate about football. Players cheering each other on and picking each other up, coaches on the side shouting and everyone striving for the same thing: a desire to win. And to get to that level, with football as with badminton, you have to practice basic skills and help each other out to get better. And when you don’t get it right, the coach/trainer is there telling you how to improve, pushing you to do better all the time. Well, the good ones do anyway.

And that’s a good analogy for God. If your a player on the field, God is right alongside shouting encouragement and advice. And when you get it doesn’t go your way, God has your back. And Christians, just like footballers, need to practice basic skills. (Unlike footballers, the practice isn’t in private – practice for Christians is everyday life and everyone sees when you get it wrong…) And just like a coach, God knows when you can do better and encourages/pushes/demands more. Not because it’s not good enough, but because you can do better.

And like on a football pitch where there is a team of players with the same aim working together, there are fellow Christians that should be working together too. Each with their own role and own skills and strengths, working together to get the best out of each other and win. Unlike football, Christians don’t win points or trophies, but they might be able to win hearts, and there is a promised goal of everlasting life to aim for.

OK, maybe pushing the analogy too much. But Jesus is like the coach who has been there, done that and know is passing on experience to us. He will defend us, but he will also push us to do better when he knows we can. And he wants as many people on the team as possible. I’m on Jesus’ team, and I’m playing to win.

40 day challenge day 10: Waiting on a miracle

OK, last day in Encanto (please keep cheering to a minimum, some people like Disney…)

Now we reach the main character, Mirabel herself. Mirabel wasn’t blessed with a gift when she became the right age. She doesn’t have a room of her own. At the beginning of the film we see her introduce her whole family and declare she is part of the Madrigal family so she is special too. One of the children asks if her gift is being in denial. We see as she tries to help make the party for her cousin special. She makes special decorations, and it’s Mirabel that finds Antonio and walks him to his door to receive his gift.

And then there is a heartbreaking moment, after Antonio gets his gift (‘a gift as special as he is’) when Abuela calls the Family Madrigal together for a photo. And Mirabel gets left out. This is her breaking point. She sings ‘Waiting on a Miracle’. Its a very poignant moment . She walks unseen around her family (it’s Disney…) She starts at that place of denial, telling herself not to be upset, that’s she’s fine to stand on the side whe everyone else shines. Then she breaks. She’s not fine. She can’t do what the rest of her family can, constantly comparing herself to them. But she’s also at the point where she can’t hide how she’s feeling anymore. You can almost feel the conflict of wanting to show a happy face, feeling that she’s blessed enough to be part of the Family Madrigal, but also wanting more, wanting to shine like the rest of her family, wanting to be seen and be able to serve like the rest of the family. She lists what she would do, if only she could have a miracle too. And she ends singing sadly ‘am I too late for a miracle?’

Can you relate to her? Perhaps you’ve got siblings/parents/cousins who you think are amazing and you don’t compare to them. Maybe you think you need to hide how you’re feeling so you don’t seem ungrateful. Maybe there’s things you want to do but you’re waiting for something to happen first, something that will make that possible. Maybe you just feel unseen and invalid, like your getting in the way more than you are being of use.

But here’s the thing. Mirabel is the one that gives Antonio the courage to walk through the crowd to get his gift. Mirabel is the one who Luisa opens up to when she is feeling the pressure. Mirabel is the one who finds Bruno and talks him into helping. Mirabel is the one who encourages Isabella to try something new. Mirabel is the one who notices that the house is breaking, and the one who saves the candle that symbolises the miracle. Mirabel is exactly who is needed for the family to flourish, exactly as she is.

We could all do with a Mirabel in our lives – someone who will take the time to come alongside us and encourage us, someone to listen, someone to help us reach out potential. Maybe you are someone’s Mirabel!

We don’t need to wait for ‘a miracle’ to start acting on those deepest desires and dreams. We may need a little help along the way, but we can make that first step ourselves. And yes, you may be from an amazing family, but that doesn’t make you any less loved or amazing yourself. You are different from your family, so comparison is pointless and unhelpful. And hiding away deeply unhappy feelings just to keep the people around you happy? We’ve already looked at feelings, and it’s not right to push them down and ignore them. It’s OK to admit when your not feeling great because then you can do something about it.

So here’s the God bit: God made everyone unique and doesn’t compare, so neither should we. You have been blessed with gifts that are right for you, for your life. And you will be able to use them. You are enough, as you are. What you bring to the table is valued. Don’t try to be another person or fill another’s shoes, just do you, your way. And that is good enough.

Sometimes you won’t see the effect you have straight away. Mirabel didn’t see how special she was until the end of the film after she had saved the miracle. And that didn’t happen until after she thought she had failed. Don’t give up just because you can’t see the good stuff you bring. God can see it. And the people around you can see it.

And don’t wait on a miracle before acting on your dream. Have the courage to act on it (wisely). Because you can find hundreds of excuses to not step out but then you won’t be happy. But take that first step and who knows where you’ll go. Mirabel did. And she saved her family. (And Peter did when he stepped out of the boat to walk to Jesus. On the water. Step first, the miracle will follow if needed)

OK, that’s it for Encanto. But, for a Disney movie, it’s incredibly relatable to some of the things we face everyday. Which also means it’s got some good lessons we can take away from it. And from a Christian perspective, Jesus sacrificed himself for us and we did get a blessing and a miracle. And that’s on God. We don’t have to earn it. We can’t earn it. But God gives it anyway. Just know that you are loved and you can’t escape that, because God’s love is unconditional. Don’t give up, don’t count yourself out, and don’t wait for permission to be amazing. Just keep being who you were made to be. Because God doesn’t make mistakes

40 day challenge day 9: We need to talk about Bruno…

OK, so if you haven’t seen Encanto, that title is very random! But I can’t put him off any longer.

Bruno is Abuela’s son and Mirabel’s uncle. He is absent for the first half of the film. His gift is having visions of the future. People don’t always want to hear his visions.

Bruno loves his family dearly, and he doesn’t think his gift is helping his family or the town. In fact, he gets a reputation of making bad things happen. So he leaves, he disappears.

Bruno thinks his family are better off with him out of the picture. But he so wants to belong. He ends up living in the secret passages, so no one sees him but he still sees his family. He has a song (which is the one that gets stuck in your head) called ‘We don’t talk about Bruno’ where the family outline all the scary and bad things about Bruno. That’s the reputation he has. That’s the reason he disappears. Shame, guilt, fear… He counts himself out thinking he has nothing to offer, thinking his gift is hurting his family. But we also see that he loves his family, we see he cares as he patches up the cracks, we see his has a sense of humour. He is so much more than the visions he has. And when Mirabel needs help, he comes to her aid.

I wonder if we ever count ourselves out? Do we ever think that what we bring to the table isn’t good enough, that it does more harm than good? Are we ever so ashamed that all we want to do is run away? Because that’s what I see in Bruno. I see a good person who let’s the words of others shape the way he views himself to the point of thinking he’s not a good person.

And I think that’s also very real. We can let the words of others affect the way we view ourselves to the point that we carry labels, which leads to shame and counting ourselves out sometimes.

But just like Bruno is not a bad person, neither are we. Bruno is more than the visions. He is a son/brother/uncle, a joker, a caretaker. He’s also misunderstood. And when it matters, he’s the one that tries to speak up for Mirabel, even though he has been in hiding for years. He puts her needs before his own fears. He’s brave.

We are more than the labels we’ve been given. Often, they are given by people who only see part of the story. When God is choosing a king for his people (1 Samuel 16 if you want to check it out) he doesn’t look at the outward or the obvious, he looks at the heart. Labels given by people don’t need to stick because they are not the truth. They are someone’s perception, but they do not define us. If in doubt, read psalm 139. God does know you. All of you. And he loves you. It’s not conditional. The only label he gives is a label of identity. He calls you child (1 John 3).

Don’t let shame or fear or the opinions of others stop you from believing that truth. When Bruno came out of hiding his family was just glad to have him back. God does not want you to hide, he wants you back in the family (parable of the prodigal son). You just need to come out of hiding, he’ll do the rest.

40 day challenge day 8: Control

Woops, late post today. But it is still today and not tomorrow, so it still counts! (It just might make a little less sense than usual…)

OK, we’re not done with Encanto (recap is on day 5). But today’s character doesn’t have her own song. Or she doesn’t have a song specifically about her. She is one of Abuela’s daughters, and Mirabel’s aunt, Pepa. Her gift is that her mood affects the weather.

Ah, obvious problem. What happens when she has a bad day? The town gets wet. What happens when she has a really bad day? Batten down the hatches, there’s a storm coming! So Pepa always has to be in control of how she is feeling. That’s a lot of pressure. But she tries so hard to keep thinking ‘clear skies’ in order to keep life comfortable for the people around her. She doesn’t always succeed, but she always tries. She knows that if she loses control of how she feels it will affect those around her, those she loves. So she tries to push down bad feelings. Except that just makes them build up and build up and eventually explode into something worse (hurricane, anyone?)

OK, so I’m reading a lot between the lines for this character. This may not all be accurate for Pepa. But I think it can be accurate for a lot of real people to some extent. We can sometimes think we need to be in control – of emotions, of circumstances… In fact, being out of control can seem very scary. So we can try to control as much as we can. Has that ever been you?

But sticking with the emotion thing, it can be simar for us as with Pepa – maybe not literally creating a storm with wind and rain, but by pushing down and ignoring emotions because we don’t want to lose control because we don’t want to hurt the people around us, actually puts us in a much worse position. It does make the eventual (and inevitable) storm much worse. Its OK to reach out and ask for help.

Right, this blog is about pointing to God, so here’s my bible backing for this: Jesus never ran away from what he was feeling. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he cries out to God in grief and fear, and he asks his friends to keep him company. After his cousin is killed he takes time away to grieve. When the temple is being used in a way that stops people from coming to God, he gets angry. And I mean really angry! (Over turned tables, scattered coins, uncaged birds… chaos!)

The point is, we were made with emotions so we have to deal with them. If we try to bury them, we are blocking off a part of ourselves. And God doesn’t want part of us, he wants all of us. The good and the bad, the pretty bits and the ugly bits, the happy days and the sad days. Because God wants a true and honest relationship.

So sometimes it’s OK to relax control a little bit. Pepa did, and instead of dark storms, you could find her dancing in the rain. We don’t need to be in control, God is in control. Sometimes, all we need to do is let the rain fall.

40 day challenge day 7: Being perfect (or not)

Sticking with the theme (yes, I have too much time on my hands and have probably seen this film too many time), Encanto strikes again. Today, Mirabel’s other sister. Need context? Read the post from day 5 (and day 6…)

Isabella’s gift is to create flowers and beautiful things. In the introduction song, she’s called the ‘perfect golden child’. She is the one everyone loves, she is beautiful and graceful. She is the one due to get engaged and secure the future of the Family Madrigal. On the surface, she has the perfect life – everyone loves her and she brings joy to the people around her with the flowers and bouquets.

However, there is a scene where Mirabel is meant to give her a hug to save the miracle. Its at that point we find out the pressure Isabella is under. She can’t be honest about her feelings because everyone expects her to be graceful and calm. She can’t be honest with her Abuela who wants her to marry someone from the village because she doesn’t want to disappoint her. She isn’t free to be who she wants or do what she wants. She has to be perfect for her family.

Perfectionism (self imposed or family expectation) and people pleasing. Two more things that can act as barriers to a relationship with God. When we let the opinions of others dictate our actions, we lose sight of God’s vision. If we try to please everyone, we’ll… Speaking from experience, it doesn’t work. It’s just exhausting and not possible. Trying to keep everyone else happy often leads to burn out and not being happy yourself.

Trying to be perfect leads to a fear of getting it wrong. A fear of getting it wrong leads to not taking risks or trying new things. Jesus tells a parable of three servants given some money while he goes away. 2 invest the money and risks losing it, but end up making more. The other is scared of losing the money so buries it to keep it safe. He ends up losing the little he has when the master returns, while the other two are entrusted with more.

Isabella gets her own song, and one of the lines is “what could I do if I just knew it didn’t need to be perfect?” How about us? What could we do if we didn’t have the pressure of needing to be perfect? What could we do if we knew we were already good enough, if we knew God didn’t need us to work hard to please him but loved us anyway?

And that’s the thing, so often we treat God’s opinion of us like that of the people around us – something that needs to be earned and could be lost if we don’t measure up. God never states that. Ever. His love is not conditional. In fact God encourages us to try new things, to step out and take risks. He won’t abandon us at the first sign of a mistake, and he forgives all who say sorry (and mean it). We can’t measure him by the people around us.

So being secure in that knowledge, that you are loved and forgiven, what do you dare to try?

40 day challenge day 6: Pressure

Encanto, day 2. What else can be a barrier to a close relationship with God? Enter Luisa, Mirabel’s oldest sister. (If you need a catch up on what I’m talking about, read yesterday’s post and/or watch Encanto.)

Luisa’s gift is being super strong. She can fix leaning houses, redirect a river, carry multiple donkeys and is just generally expected to be strong enough to fix everything. She gets her own song, ‘Surface Pressure’.

She’s interesting because there are different angles here. There’s the need to always be strong and never show a weakness because that’s what others expectations are, and she doesn’t want to disappoint or let people down. There’s having her whole worth based on the work she does. And, of course, the need to live up to the uigh standards that Abua sets (I told you, read previous post!)

In her song, as she is finally being honest with someone about how she is feeling, she actually sings the line, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.’ Relate to that, anyone?

But then she also sings, ‘if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations would that free some room for joy or relaxation or simple pleasure?’

I know I can get focused on my worth being caught up in my work. The problem with that is when work doesn’t go as planned or disappointment hits, my self-worth is affected too. I also know that, in order to ‘protect’ the people I love, I can hide the stress and pressure (I’m better at that one than I used to be!)

And Luisa is right, if we shake the weight of what others expect of and from us, there’s more room for joy and simple pleasures. John 10:10, Jesus says ‘I came that they might have life, and have it to the full.’ Yes, we have to work, but that does not determine our worth or our identity. God does not put pressure on us to get results. God doesn’t need us to hide the stress and weakness from him.

We are children of God, and the more we focus on work and in being strong, the less room there is for that truth to take root. Next time I have a bad day, I’ll need to remember that I am still God’s child. And the next time I’m feeling under so much pressure I might break, I don’t need to go through that alone either. God listens when I pray honestly. Oh, and I might have one or two friends to come alongside me too…

40 day challenge day 5: You can’t earn it

I wonder if you’ve seen the latest Disney film, Encanto? It’s a dream for children’s work. The story has a great message, the characters are relatable and the development for each are things that children can take on board and learn from. In fact, not just the children. That’s why it’s made its way into this challenge.

Sometimes there are things that get in the way of us focusing on God. We can get blocked by needing to be perfect or strong, or feeling like we need to do something to earn God’s love. Sometimes fear and shame can be a barrier, or comparison or needing to be in control. There are, of course, other things that can form mental barriers, but these are the ones I’ve come across in Encanto. There’s a lot in that list and I’ve still got 35 days to fill, so I’ll spread them out.

Fair warning, if you haven’t seen Encanto yet there will probably be some spoilers coming up. It’s worth a watch. I love it. I think it’s good enough to watch even if you’re not a fan of singing and dancing Disney films. But I’m a little biased.

OK, basic premise: Mirabel is part of the family Madrigal, a family who have special gifts to help those around them (and a magic house) thanks to a miracle. The miracle found Abuela (the grandmother and head of the family) after her husband sacrificed himself to save the village from invaders. Abuela has 3 children and 6 grandchildren and all have a gift except for Mirabel. The film follows Mirabel as the magic starts to fade and she sets out to ‘save the miracle’ and her family despite not having a special gift like the rest of the family. Good film, bad summary. Just go watch it!

For the first in the ‘Encanto’ series, I wanted to look at Abuela. Her husband sacrificed himself out of love and compassion (see the link?), and Abuela gets a miracle which she uses to bless the rest of the village. That’s good, right? Early in the bible, Abraham is blessed in order to be a blessing to others, not to selfishly hoard it to himself.

Except, in the opening song it’s clear to me that Abuela has missed the point.

We swear to always help those around us and earn the miracle that somehow found us

The town keeps growing and the world keeps turning

But work and dedication will keep the miracle burning

And each new generation must keep the miracle burning

Abuela’s husband sacrificed himself, nothing could possibly repay that. It was a gift, not something to be earned through ‘work and dedication’. We see throughout the film Abuela putting pressure on the family to be perfect and strong, and to always put the needs of others first. But the problem with that way of thinking is that no-one in her family will ever be able to meet those expectations, especially not Mirabel without a gift.

The things (in my opinion) that drive Abuela are fear of losing more (she lost her home and her husband already), and a need to earn the sacrifice and subsequent gift.

As I look towards Easter and remember the sacrifice Jesus made for me (and you…), I need to look at how I receive that. Do I try to work hard in order to feel like I’ve earned that? Because if I do, I’m gonna lose that everything. I can never earn that gift. Or am I trying to hold on to what I’ve found, hold onto God and that belonging because if I don’t measure up I’ll get kicked out of the club? Again, I will always fall short, and every time I mess up I’m going to fall into a spiral of beating myself up before daring to crawl back to God.

The thing is, it’s all about grace and love. Abuela learns that the miracle isn’t the gifts (or the magic house), the miracle is the family around her. And I need to learn and relearn that I don’t have to and could never earn my way into God’s family, and mistakes don’t get us thrown out of God’s family. I need to learn the accept that gift and to trust in God’s grace. Because I’m fairly sure I count myself out quicker than God does. In fact I’m sure of it. Throughout the bible we see God reaching out to people who get it wrong and mess up. I’m not so special as to be the one he doesn’t reach out to.

So I need to silence the Abuela voice inside and listen to the Mirabel voice, the one telling me to push boundaries, be human and have fun. God didn’t set us up to fail, he came to save us.

40 day challenge day 4: Be Still

It’s Saturday. The weekend. I’ve got no work due today. So that means it’s time to do my washing and hoovering and…

No. Thats not right. It is so easy to be busy. But sometimes we need to clear the busyness away. We were not designed to work non stop. Jesus says as much (Mark’s gospel chapter 2). He says the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath. A day of rest is not a luxury, or it shouldn’t be. It’s a gift, yes, because we need it.

Psalm 23 says ‘The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want: he makes me lie in green pastures” An interesting take, when a shepherd makes a sheep lie down, its not easy and gentle… (or so I’m told, never worked with sheep myself!)

Psalm 46 says ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ It’s in the stillness with no distractions that I can focus on God. I have that verse hanging on my wall (and yet still I seem to forget).

Just at the moment, I can’t do very much. I’ve been very good at filling my time with distractions and fitting God in around if I can. (In the last couple of weeks I have got better, but only with the help of friends). So it almost feels like I have been made to ‘lie down’ (not sure about the green pastures…) I am not able to fill all my time with distractions. I can’t run from God (which was part of the reason why I’m doing this challenge!)

I realised today I’m not great at just sitting. I’m not great at just being. I need to be doing. And when that gets taken away (if only temporarily) what am I left with?

Oh, right… God. Because what I can manage right now is prayer. I can manage listening to music. And I can manage to read the bible (other books are available, but that’s a good one!)

So I have been doing just that. Being still and remembering God is in control. He doesn’t need me. He was there before me, and he will be there after me. But right now, he doesn’t need me. But he wants me. And I don’t know how I can explain that feeling to someone who doesn’t believe, who doesn’t know God yet. But to those who do, you can understand. That extra voice in your head, the words spoken by a stranger that are what you need to hear, the actions of a friend, or just the feeling of being known, loved, seen and heard when I’m alone.

Give it a go. Take some time out to be still. See where God meets you. If it helps, there are a couple of songs below that I used today.