40 day challenge day 6: Pressure

Encanto, day 2. What else can be a barrier to a close relationship with God? Enter Luisa, Mirabel’s oldest sister. (If you need a catch up on what I’m talking about, read yesterday’s post and/or watch Encanto.)

Luisa’s gift is being super strong. She can fix leaning houses, redirect a river, carry multiple donkeys and is just generally expected to be strong enough to fix everything. She gets her own song, ‘Surface Pressure’.

She’s interesting because there are different angles here. There’s the need to always be strong and never show a weakness because that’s what others expectations are, and she doesn’t want to disappoint or let people down. There’s having her whole worth based on the work she does. And, of course, the need to live up to the uigh standards that Abua sets (I told you, read previous post!)

In her song, as she is finally being honest with someone about how she is feeling, she actually sings the line, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.’ Relate to that, anyone?

But then she also sings, ‘if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations would that free some room for joy or relaxation or simple pleasure?’

I know I can get focused on my worth being caught up in my work. The problem with that is when work doesn’t go as planned or disappointment hits, my self-worth is affected too. I also know that, in order to ‘protect’ the people I love, I can hide the stress and pressure (I’m better at that one than I used to be!)

And Luisa is right, if we shake the weight of what others expect of and from us, there’s more room for joy and simple pleasures. John 10:10, Jesus says ‘I came that they might have life, and have it to the full.’ Yes, we have to work, but that does not determine our worth or our identity. God does not put pressure on us to get results. God doesn’t need us to hide the stress and weakness from him.

We are children of God, and the more we focus on work and in being strong, the less room there is for that truth to take root. Next time I have a bad day, I’ll need to remember that I am still God’s child. And the next time I’m feeling under so much pressure I might break, I don’t need to go through that alone either. God listens when I pray honestly. Oh, and I might have one or two friends to come alongside me too…

40 day challenge day 5: You can’t earn it

I wonder if you’ve seen the latest Disney film, Encanto? It’s a dream for children’s work. The story has a great message, the characters are relatable and the development for each are things that children can take on board and learn from. In fact, not just the children. That’s why it’s made its way into this challenge.

Sometimes there are things that get in the way of us focusing on God. We can get blocked by needing to be perfect or strong, or feeling like we need to do something to earn God’s love. Sometimes fear and shame can be a barrier, or comparison or needing to be in control. There are, of course, other things that can form mental barriers, but these are the ones I’ve come across in Encanto. There’s a lot in that list and I’ve still got 35 days to fill, so I’ll spread them out.

Fair warning, if you haven’t seen Encanto yet there will probably be some spoilers coming up. It’s worth a watch. I love it. I think it’s good enough to watch even if you’re not a fan of singing and dancing Disney films. But I’m a little biased.

OK, basic premise: Mirabel is part of the family Madrigal, a family who have special gifts to help those around them (and a magic house) thanks to a miracle. The miracle found Abuela (the grandmother and head of the family) after her husband sacrificed himself to save the village from invaders. Abuela has 3 children and 6 grandchildren and all have a gift except for Mirabel. The film follows Mirabel as the magic starts to fade and she sets out to ‘save the miracle’ and her family despite not having a special gift like the rest of the family. Good film, bad summary. Just go watch it!

For the first in the ‘Encanto’ series, I wanted to look at Abuela. Her husband sacrificed himself out of love and compassion (see the link?), and Abuela gets a miracle which she uses to bless the rest of the village. That’s good, right? Early in the bible, Abraham is blessed in order to be a blessing to others, not to selfishly hoard it to himself.

Except, in the opening song it’s clear to me that Abuela has missed the point.

We swear to always help those around us and earn the miracle that somehow found us

The town keeps growing and the world keeps turning

But work and dedication will keep the miracle burning

And each new generation must keep the miracle burning

Abuela’s husband sacrificed himself, nothing could possibly repay that. It was a gift, not something to be earned through ‘work and dedication’. We see throughout the film Abuela putting pressure on the family to be perfect and strong, and to always put the needs of others first. But the problem with that way of thinking is that no-one in her family will ever be able to meet those expectations, especially not Mirabel without a gift.

The things (in my opinion) that drive Abuela are fear of losing more (she lost her home and her husband already), and a need to earn the sacrifice and subsequent gift.

As I look towards Easter and remember the sacrifice Jesus made for me (and you…), I need to look at how I receive that. Do I try to work hard in order to feel like I’ve earned that? Because if I do, I’m gonna lose that everything. I can never earn that gift. Or am I trying to hold on to what I’ve found, hold onto God and that belonging because if I don’t measure up I’ll get kicked out of the club? Again, I will always fall short, and every time I mess up I’m going to fall into a spiral of beating myself up before daring to crawl back to God.

The thing is, it’s all about grace and love. Abuela learns that the miracle isn’t the gifts (or the magic house), the miracle is the family around her. And I need to learn and relearn that I don’t have to and could never earn my way into God’s family, and mistakes don’t get us thrown out of God’s family. I need to learn the accept that gift and to trust in God’s grace. Because I’m fairly sure I count myself out quicker than God does. In fact I’m sure of it. Throughout the bible we see God reaching out to people who get it wrong and mess up. I’m not so special as to be the one he doesn’t reach out to.

So I need to silence the Abuela voice inside and listen to the Mirabel voice, the one telling me to push boundaries, be human and have fun. God didn’t set us up to fail, he came to save us.

40 day challenge day 4: Be Still

It’s Saturday. The weekend. I’ve got no work due today. So that means it’s time to do my washing and hoovering and…

No. Thats not right. It is so easy to be busy. But sometimes we need to clear the busyness away. We were not designed to work non stop. Jesus says as much (Mark’s gospel chapter 2). He says the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath. A day of rest is not a luxury, or it shouldn’t be. It’s a gift, yes, because we need it.

Psalm 23 says ‘The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want: he makes me lie in green pastures” An interesting take, when a shepherd makes a sheep lie down, its not easy and gentle… (or so I’m told, never worked with sheep myself!)

Psalm 46 says ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ It’s in the stillness with no distractions that I can focus on God. I have that verse hanging on my wall (and yet still I seem to forget).

Just at the moment, I can’t do very much. I’ve been very good at filling my time with distractions and fitting God in around if I can. (In the last couple of weeks I have got better, but only with the help of friends). So it almost feels like I have been made to ‘lie down’ (not sure about the green pastures…) I am not able to fill all my time with distractions. I can’t run from God (which was part of the reason why I’m doing this challenge!)

I realised today I’m not great at just sitting. I’m not great at just being. I need to be doing. And when that gets taken away (if only temporarily) what am I left with?

Oh, right… God. Because what I can manage right now is prayer. I can manage listening to music. And I can manage to read the bible (other books are available, but that’s a good one!)

So I have been doing just that. Being still and remembering God is in control. He doesn’t need me. He was there before me, and he will be there after me. But right now, he doesn’t need me. But he wants me. And I don’t know how I can explain that feeling to someone who doesn’t believe, who doesn’t know God yet. But to those who do, you can understand. That extra voice in your head, the words spoken by a stranger that are what you need to hear, the actions of a friend, or just the feeling of being known, loved, seen and heard when I’m alone.

Give it a go. Take some time out to be still. See where God meets you. If it helps, there are a couple of songs below that I used today.

40 day challenge day 3: Worthy of it all

Forgive me, this is a short post, possibly a bit of random rambling. I’m not feeling 100%, so I’m just sharing a moment when I met God today.

I had an interesting kind of day today. It involved preparing for an event that we have subsequently had to cancel. But while I was merrily painting an ark and sorting out googly eyes (did I mention I do kids work?!) I got a song stuck in my head. So while I was alone in the office, preparing, I started singing too. Not gonna lie, it didn’t sound great (something akin to a honking goose…) but there wasn’t anyone around to judge it so I didn’t stop.

Often, earworms (yes, that’s the technical term) are annoying songs, and working with children or watching Disney leads to many earworms that are often small snippets and are just generally annoying.

But this one was a worship song. It’s called Worthy of it All. So while I was crawling on the floor and mixing the right shade of brown, I was also very much focusing on God.

The lyrics say everything that needs to be said:

You are worthy of it all

You are worthy of it all

For from you are all things and to you are all things.

You deserve the glory

Day and night, night and day

Let incence arise

There’s a little more to the song than that, but this is what I was happily singing while painting. And I don’t need to explain much more. God is good all the time, no matter what we see happening. And through what I’ve seen and experienced, the ways I’ve seen God’s provision for me, I want to worship and praise him.

So yes, today I was on my knees, covered in paint singing and praising God who I believe is worthy and awesome, and I don’t care who saw me. Because God doesn’t need us to look great or sound fab, he just wants to be with us in our everyday things.

(I couldn’t find a version of this song on YouTube I loved – I prefer more acoustic versions, but this one is pretty good. I’m sure some will love this version.)

40 day challenge day 2: The wrong direction

Reading back through some previous posts, it almost reads like I’ve got it sorted, this walking with God thing, (I don’t) like I never waver (I do).

My favourite stand alone film which I come back to time and again as a ‘feel-good’ film is The Frisco Kid. I may have posted about it before. Its about a Polish Rabbi called Avram who travels to America. He is due to take up a post as a Rabbi in San Francisco but finds himself stranded in New York. The film is about the adventures he has as he travels across America by land. He encounters Amish, Native Americans, silent monks and those who want to take advantage of his trusting nature. He learns a lot about himself and how being a Rabbi is more than knowing the Torah. As he travels he meets a cowboy called Tommy who manages to keep him travelling to San Francisco (rather than Mexico – his sense of direction wasn’t great!)

Apart from being a film that makes me laugh, it also has a good message about going on journeys in life. At the end of the film, Tommy and Avram are having dinner before Avram becomes the Rabbi. Except he is having second thoughts. He made a couple of bad decisions and starts doubting his ability to be a real Rabbi. And it is Tommy, the one who doesn’t stick by the rules, who speaks sense.

Avram: Tommy, I am not a rabbi.

Tommy: Don’t say that! You are a rabbi. I’m a bank robber. I’m a card player. I’m a whoremonger. That’s what I am. You are a rabbi. You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass, you can travel in the wrong direction. Jut even on your ass, even in the mud, even if you go in the wrong direction for a little while, you’re still a rabbi! That’s what you are!

It takes someone looking from the outside, at the whole picture, to see past the mistakes that are all Avram can see. Tommy has travelled across America with him and has seen his actions and his character.

And I love that phrase “travel in the wrong direction for a little while.” It is never too late to change direction and get back on course.

What does this have to do with lent and focusing on God? I have travelled in the wrong direction, I have slipped in the mud, I have stumbled and fallen. My walk with God has not been smooth. But through it all God has been there.

There’s a verse in Isaiah that says ‘whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “this is the way, walk in it”‘. Psalm 139 says ‘Where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your presence?’. Jeremiah 31: 3 says ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’

Even at those moments when I wanted to walk away, God followed. At those points where I drifted, God called me back. When I slipped and tripped, when I looked foolish, God never left and never stopped loving me. He could see past the mistakes I thought counted me out, because he has walked the whole journey with me. He knows me better than anyone else.

So I am reminding myself to lay aside the things I think count me out. I am reminding myself that it’s God’s grace that matters. It’s nothing I have done, it is all on God. What I do, the direction I go in, it doesn’t change who I am. And it’s never too late to turn back to him.

So no, I don’t have it sorted. But God does. He always has arms open to welcome his children back. This journey to lent, 40 days of pointing to God, they are me keeping my gaze on God. Because God’s never taken his eyes off of me. That gives me reason to hope.

40 day challenge day 1: The Power of Prayer

OK, so off to a good start. One day, one post. Can I keep this up? I hope so! I know I’ll feel richer for it at the end and hopefully some of you reading will to. Spending a little while each day focusing on who God is certainly can’t do any harm…

So, where to start. It’s all very well saying 40 posts on 40 days, but that also requires 40 lots of inspiration as well as being aware of and sensitive to what’s going on around the world. I am not a trained theologian, nor the perfect Christian, so I hope you can forgive me when I get it wrong.

The place to start is always, to me, in prayer. Prayer is an act of humility, admiting we need help. It is an act of worship, acknowledging God’s power. It is an act of vulnerability, being completely open and honest about ourselves, our concerns and our weaknesses, whatever they may be.

But still, where to start? At times I have found myself without the words to pray, so overwhelmed by what’s around me either big world problems or personal problems that can seem huge (although in the grand scheme of things are probably relatively minor…)

Max Lucado tells a story in one of his many books (can’t recall which one, but he’s a fab writer so I recommend them all!) of his daughter performing a piano piece in a recital and forgetting the music part way through. She eventually got to the end of the piece, but the mistake had been made. Her parents rushed to meet her She threw her arms around her dad and buried her head in his shirt. “Oh Daddy!”

That’s where to start. When disappointment hits. “Oh Daddy!” When things are out of control. “Oh Daddy!” When we feel isolated and alone. “Oh Daddy!” When our feelings are overwhelming and confusing. “Oh Daddy!” And when we feel helpless. “Oh Daddy!”

That’s how prayer starts- by calling out to the one who is listening. What follows, whether it be words, emotions or tears, whether it be audible or silent, will be heard and accepted as a prayer. We just need to take that first step and start the conversation.

“Oh Daddy!”

Philippians 4: 6-7 states ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but it every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus’

What happens when we dare to admit we don’t have the answers, that we’re not OK, that there’s a situation (or two) that we can’t handle on our own? “Oh Daddy!”

I once heard someone say that prayer was a cop out, that sometimes God needs help. I strongly disagree. We need help. God doesn’t. A friend sent me the following picture a couple of days ago

God doesn’t need help. But he chooses to listen. “Oh Daddy!”

A few years ago I came across a quote from Jim Graham which is an encouragement to pray. And on the first day of lent, at the start of the journey to Easter, I will stop and pray. I will lay down all those things that are running through my mind, all those concerns for things I can’t fix, all those situations that seem hopeless right now. I will give them to God in prayer, as the bible says, and I will find peace.

“Oh Daddy!”

40 day challenge: An introduction

A year ago I was challenging myself to spend 4 weeks on each of 6 different spiritual disciplines. I got something out of doing that, so I decided I’d do something similar this year – not giving anything up but using the time to refocus on God.

So, my challenge which I am setting myself is to write a post a day from Ash Wednesday until Easter. There will be a mixture of scripture based posts, looking at films or music, or just general observations. But, if I can find the discipline, there will be 40 of them. And they will all point to God in some way, shape or form. Because that is the reason for this blog, to show the reason I don’t give up, the reason I always have hope no matter what is going on. Its because I trust in God, that there is a bigger picture than I can see, that there is a longer term plan than I can comprehend.

That doesn’t mean I never ask questions, or that I accept and understand everything I see going on around me. It means that when I do ask questions, when I do see things that make no sense, I have something to fall back on to remind me to look up and to let go. When you read the bible you find a whole load of things that don’t make sense in isolation, but somehow things turn out alright in the end, the bigger picture is one of love and salvation. And the bible reminds me not to just look at now, but to put it in the context of eternity (which, if I’m honest, is something small brain struggles with…)

So as time draws closer to Easter, I am going to do what I can to focus on the fact that Jesus came and walked among us out of love, because he wanted to make a way for us to be with God in eternity. Will you walk with me?

Scattering the seed

There have been lots of changes for me recently. New job, new flat, and everything that goes with that. It was an overwhelming amount of change in one go. I felt a little lost and, if I’m being completely honest, a little inadequate in my new role.

But I also had the privilege of seeing what I’d left behind me, the impact that I’d had.

Jesus tells many parables, and one of the better known ones is the parable of the sower. It tells of a sower scattering seed on various types of ground. The seed that feel on the path got eaten by birds. The seed that fell in the weeds got strangled and couldn’t grow. The seed that fell among the rocks quickly sprung up but because there wasn’t enough soil for deep roots it also withered very quickly when the weather became harsh. The seed that fell where the soil was good and deep started to grow. Because there was enough soil it could develop deep roots to see it through the harsh weather.

Jesus explains that the seed in the story is like words we use. We are the sower. The different types of terrain where the soil lands are like the people we are teaching. Sometimes people will not have time to understand the teaching before it is snatched away. Others have too much going on in the rest of life, they are distracted by jobs/wealth/health/ or lack of, or are just more interested in other things. And others will hear for a little while but only when times are easy. They teaching won’t run deeply in them so when times get tough they will forget it and turn to other things. And then there are those like me, where the teaching takes root and leads to further learning and deeper roots.

But sometimes we are the sower. We are the ones scattering the seeds. In fact, we do that more than we know. I hadn’t consciously scattered seed in the place I have just left. Regardless, the way I acted, the way I spoke, the way I treated my colleagues, they were seeds scattered. It wasn’t in striving or working long hours. It was just by being me in the place I found myself.

It was in looking back and seeing that impact that I had a fresh revelation of God. No, I’m not perfect. No, I’m not indispensable. I am ordinary, wonderfully ordinary. And that’s the sort of person that God chooses to use to show his children that he loves them.

So where I am now, its OK to feel a little overwhelmed. Its OK not to be amazing at my job straight away. I just need to show them me, that’s all God asks me to do. I wonder how many other people need to be reminded of that?

Hunting for God: Final discipline – simplicity

Isn’t it strange how we can set out with the best of intentions and all the determination in the world and still get led astray? I set out to write a post a week while I explored some of the disciplines as written about by Jo Swinney and Richard Foster in their respective books (see previous posts for information) and, with a little flexibility, I was doing ok. Then right at the end I came unstuck… But although I didn’t write about it doesn’t mean I didn’t explore it in my life. In fact, this is the discipline I struggled with the most.

So, simplicity.

I thought I could live quite simply. I don’t have particularly expensive taste, I’m quite happy with basics. My shopping list must-haves are milk and eggs. Oh, and tea bags. But I can live without most ‘stuff’. I have it, but I don’t need it. I can lay aside my phone or my laptop, I don’t need to pick up a book. And can appreciate the quiet of outdoors without needing to fill the time or the silence.

But actually it’s quite hard to actually live simply, especially when the society I live in promotes the complete opposite. There always seems to be a call on our time, either working extra or spending time with friends and family. There’s always the latest thing to buy with adverts constantly inviting us to try out this or that new thing. And suddenly, I’m not living that simply anymore and I have to go back and lay things down. Strip back the electronics, sort through things and pass them onto to charity shops or others in need, re-evaluate and prioritise my use of time so that I can put God first again. And then the cycle starts again – the request to work an extra shift to help the team, the invite to spend time with friends, making time to watch the latest episode…

So I have been particularly challenged while exploring this discipline. I visited a very welcoming church in the south of England and they sang 2 very apt pieces that struck a chord in my heart. One was a hymn called Dear Lord and Father of Mankind. The third verse reminded me that Jesus always set aside time to spend in silence with God. In the midst of his ministry, he found that time. While travelling around with his friends, he still found time. And from that simple place of knowing God and knowing he was loved, Jesus lived his life. He didn’t miss out on anything, he got the job done, he built relationships with people everywhere he went and his friends followed him wherever he went.

The other piece that struck me was a musical setting of the prayer of St Richard, and it perfectly encapsulates what living simply means.

Day by day, dear Lord, of thee three things I pray: To see the more clearly, love thee more dearly and follow thee more nearly, day by day.

I definitely haven’t nailed this one yet, but in realising that I need to reorder and reevaluate my use of time and my view of the world, I think I can get better.

What about you? After exploring these disciplines, is there something for you to explore? Have you found God? Is God calling you deeper? What are you going to do next?

Hunting for God: Solitude 2/2

Solitude is more a state of mind and heart than it is a place.

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

I had to start here, with this quote taken from Foster’s book. I had to share this revelation and discovery. Because just being alone and finding silence isn’t enough – that can just lead to loneliness, unhealthy thought patterns or distractions. Likewise, being around people all day, every day because of job/family doesn’t discount the ability to find solitude with God.

One of the things I love about God is how his timing works. Some would call it a coincidence, I choose to see God’s hand behind it. During this period of using Solitude to hunt for more of God, I have found myself in a situation that requires me to need that time alone with God, specifically to listen.

The discipline of solitude reminds me very much of Elijah and God. After Elijah has done and seen amazing things, he finds himself running for his life. He gets so far and can’t go on and says to God “I give up, I don’t want to live.”

So God feeds him, let’s him rest and guides him to a place where he is alone. Then God tells Elijah to watch for him. God sends a mighty wind, an earthquake, and fire. But God himself was not in those powerful forces. No, God was in the gentle whisper that followed.

In Foster’s book he points out that silence is important for practicing solitude, but that can be hard to achieve on a large scale. He talks about taking advantage of the ‘little solitudes’ – sitting in rush hour traffic, a few moments before a meal, upon seeing a flower or tree that catches our attention. Just finding moments as small as these can be used to reorient our lives and point back to God.

Then he talks about larger solitude, 3 or 4 times a year when we can take a few hours out to reorient our goals and inviting God into that.

Of all the disciplines I’ve explored, Solitude has been the one that is most about God and me. It’s been the one about finding comfort and guidance. It’s like a shield to take refuge behind when everyday life is overwhelming and a compass to guide the way for the next step.

Maybe that’s why solitude has struck me so much more than prayer or fasting, or any of the others. The others I all did to some extent before, but solitude I didn’t, or at least not consciously, not through choice. It was a completely new concept to intentionally seek silence to seek God. But it reminds me that it’s never too late to reorient ourselves to God.

Taken a wrong turn, made a wrong decision, wandered in the wrong direction? God is always there waiting to help, wanting to cheer you on and get you back on track. It’s one of those bible promises that is repeated – God will never leave you or forsake you. One of the best known parables is the one about the prodigal son. It follows the lost sheep and the lost coin. In each instance, something that has wandered away or been lost is found, and a party is thrown to celebrate.

OK, solitude and rowdy parties not quite the same, but it reminded me that I will never lose hope in God and his plan because I know that God will never give up on me. And as long as I can make space for God, God has never failed to meet me in that space.

So where ever you are at with God, whether a long term believer or a sceptic or somewhere in between my encouragement is to set aside half an hour with the expectancy of letting God speak to you. He only requires that you be willing to listen.