Highs and lows.

Any Junior Bake Off fans out there? I’ve been catching up on the latest series and stumbled across something very profound that gave me cause to pause.

Obviously, in a competition people enter because they want to win and it can be hugely disappointing to have to leave. I think even more so when you have worked hard to produce something personal like cake (same applies to music/art/sewing/pottery). There’s something about creating something with your own hands and then having that judged and deemed not as good as another’s that can be deeply personal. So I could relate to one young girl who was voted off and was devasted.

But in her interview afterwards she said something very wise. She said “I never knew I could be so sad. But then I never knew I could be so happy.”

Can anyone else relate to this? Some times in life where we have felt at our worst are linked with times that have also brought greatest of memories? I can immediately think of losing a loved one. The grief can be hard to bear, but for my part I’d rather feel the grief and also carry the joy and memories of having known that person than have not experienced that joy.

And I guess to me, my faith is a little like that. There have been times when I have said to myself ‘I didn’t know I could feel so much pain’. But the thing that has kept me pushing through has been the memories of more joy than I knew was possible too. But unlike getting knocked out of a competition or dealing with loss, I believe that in faith, the sadness is not the end. I believe there is always hope for bigger joys.

There is a verse in one of the Psalms (Psalm 30 v 5) which says ‘Tears may last through the night but joy comes in the morning’. It flips things around – sadness does not follow joy, but rather joy will always follow sadness.

I think Peter could relate to this too. Told by Jesus to throw his net over the other side of the boat he caught more fish than he had ever caught. Ok, Jesus, you have his attention. Called to follow Jesus and become a ‘fisher of men’, Peter’s journey is extraordinary. He experiences extraordinary things as part of a group and as an individual. He is there when water is turned into wine, and when at least 5000 people are fed. He is on the mountain top when Jesus is transfigured and claimed and when Moses and Elijah appear. He then offers to build them tents… Maybe missing the point? He gets out of the boat and walks on water. And almost sinks (except Jesus rescues him). He gets renamed because he recognises Jesus as the Messiah, and in the next breath tries to convince Jesus not to go to Jerusalem, and is rebuked by Jesus. And then, at the end, he falls asleep, runs away and denies Jesus three times. Massive highs, massive lows.

Except that’s not the end, because Jesus rises from the grave and appears to the disciples. And at the end of John’s gospel there is a passage about how Jesus restores Peter by giving him a chance to affirm Jesus three times. It doesn’t end in sorrow, it ends in joy.

I know that’s not the end of Peter’s story. I know Peter is martyred. But Jesus promises that he will show the way to the Father, to heaven. Death wasn’t the end for Jesus, and it’s there that the greatest of all joys exists.

My journey of faith started with experiencing a bigger joy than I had ever known, and I believe it will end with more joy than I can ever imagine. And along the way there have been some hugely low points, but there have been some moments of just soaring freedom I didn’t know was possible. But it’s the hope of more joy that keeps me pressing on when trouble hits, the memories of what I have experienced and the promise of more to come.

Tears may last through the night but joy comes in the morning

Inspiring others with our story

I always try to find a way to link what I’m trying to say back to the bible. Because ultimately that’s an historical document which I believe can be relied upon. There are scholars out there (more specialised than me) who can show how reliable the bible is as a document using the dates and numbers of early manuscripts and comparing them to other documents that are seen as reliable and accurate. There are also other documents of the time that confirm some of what is written about in the bible, including there was a man called Jesus and he was crucified.

But actually the reason for my hope is found as much in the stories of the people around me and their encounters as it is in this historical document written all that time ago. I have been incredibly privileged to hear some peoples stories, moments in their lives where they have seen miracles happen or where they have experienced God on a personal level.

Some stories seems incredulous, almost beyond belief. And then I remember that in the bible there is a story of a man turning water into wine, walking on water and feeding thousands of people with a few loaves and some fish. And this man is killed and yet three days later his tomb is empty and he appears to people in a physical form. God was doing some pretty unbelievable things 2000 years ago. Why should God not do something wild today?!

But some people have stories that hit much closer to home. They are more relatable to what some of us walk through everyday. And the thing is that telling those kinds of stories can leave us feeling incredibly vulnerable, because they are so relatable. They can leave us open to a small voice in the back of our mind asking us “what will other people think?” Or at least, I know I haven’t always told my stories because of that voice. Because, let’s face it, with the best will in the world, most of us only want others to see that we have it all together. You don’t often see posts about the bad stuff on social media. And that can lead to us feeling like we’re alone or we have to hide it. If you walk through the doors of a church (when it’s allowed), would you look around and see people who have scars and pasts they’re not proud of? Or would you see a group of people who seem to have everything together?

Please don’t hear a criticism there! It’s not necessarily appropriate to wear our stories on our sleeves for the whole world to see, particularly not if we are walking through one of those storms that life likes to throw our way, or are just getting over one. But the people who make up the churches often have a story to tell.

Stories capture our imaginations. Whether we read books or watch films or television, we can find ourselves emotionally engaged with the characters. A lot of people anticipate the adverts at Christmas because they tell a story. And within those stories, we may find a favourite one that really speaks to us, that touches us in a way that perhaps we can’t explain. My favourite story from childhood is by an Australian author called John Flanagan and is about a boy who has an ambition that he can’t attain. Throughout the book we see his journey of discovering who he is and what gifts he has, and we see him find his place. It’s an incredible action-packed story (so I don’t want to give away any spoilers) and I recommend it highly, but my point is that for the last few years that has been my journey too (with slightly less intense action). It’s been about discovering what I carry, not longing after something that isn’t the best fit for me.

So when it comes to the people around us, their stories can inspire us in the same way. Or maybe I can flip this slightly: our stories can inspire the people around us. Now I don’t have permission to share anyone else’s story, but I have heard a few recently that have had something in common that I needed to hear. Whatever these people were walking through, they also had people walking alongside them as they went through it, loving them without judging them and reflecting God’s character of grace and love.

I can’t share another’s story, but I can share mine. Or a relevant bit of it anyway (sorry, this is turning into a long post!) Across the years I have had people I have been close to push me away. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and I’m sure others have had it worse than me, but I’m not in competition with anyone here. And that has hurt and left scars. In an earlier post I have said that one of my key values is relationships with people. So I had fallen into a pattern of behaviour of building a friendship and then pushing that friend away before they can hurt me. But it was worse than that, because I also allowed the actions of those few people from my past to skew my view of God, despite what I’d read in the bible. For me, there was a fear that maybe I’d do something wrong and God would turn away, or that God would leave me. (Those promises in the bible were for other people, right? Not for me!)

Then in recent years I began finding friends who wouldn’t be pushed away. And I began to think ‘Huh, not everyone is like those people I used to know’. But it was like being stranded on a desert island 100 miles from safety. I would swim 80 miles and get to that point and then for whatever reason turn around and go back to that isolated island. I could never seem to make the connection between not everyone is like those people and God is not like those people.

Until I was in the middle of a particular struggle and a friend phoned me. And I was about to do my usual distancing thing when she said to me, “You know, you don’t have to walk through this alone. I want to support you in this.”

And in listening to others stories about having someone loving without judging while walking alongside them, I realised what a turning point that was for me. Because from that point I was able to go those extra 20 miles and realign my view from God might leave and turn his back to God sees me as I am and loves me anyway. All those bad points, those things I’m not proud of? Those things I’d rather hide? God sees them. And instead of turning away, He gently brushes them away and says, “Not anymore. You may have been that person once, but now you’re someone new.”

Ok, this is a somewhat simplistic image, but isn’t that what God’s love is? Don’t we make it more complicated than we need to by putting prerequisites on it, or by measuring it by our experience with the people we have met?

Sorry, off topic…

My point is that there is something in the stories I have heard that inspire me to tell my own story, but also help me find the courage to keep on with my own journey more aware of what God has done for me. God has brought people into my life that reflect his character and who are willing to support me with love and grace.

So if you have a story, no matter how ordinary or outlandish it may feel, tell it. And if you are struggling with something and you think you are alone, ask around. There will be people with stories that can inspire and help you.

And if you want a take away from my story? No matter what you have done, no matter who you think you are, no matter what you are going through, God loves you and He will never leave you. And chances are, he has already brought into your life those things you need to walk through what you are going through.

God goes before

We come to the end of the strangest year I have lived through. Back in January I was excited and raring to go. I set faith targets, spent some time with God while staying with a friend, allowed myself to dream big, made 6-month, 12-month and 5-year plans and just generally got ready for an adventure. Come February I was starting to step out more as myself, learning who I could be. March comes and things start to take an unexpected turn. My accommodation changed, the country went into lock-down and the job role changed. Then I got furloughed.

What followed was a very different sort of adventure. Opportunities I hadn’t even dreamed of presented themselves: speaking and teaching about God using my story, writing courses, childhood dreams started to become more real (not the kind where I got chased by dinosaurs…)

But more than that, my eyes got opened to what I really valued. It’s safe to say that in the space created by lock-down and furlough and the experiences I had, I discovered how rich I really am. I have experienced more pain in the last 6 months than I could have imagined back in January, but I have also experienced more joy than I could ever dare to dream of.

No, it’s not been an easy year. I have felt isolated and abandoned. I have felt taken advantage of. I have been angry and disappointed. But I have also made some amazing memories with people I love dearly. I have had relationships restored with friends and family that I had almost lost hope of being restored. I moved house (again) and joined a new church.

The strange thing is, those restored relationships, the new home and the new church were all part of my either my 12-month plan or my faith targets set back in January, the ones me and my friend/mentor set aside because Covid meant we had to put them on hold.

But God’s plans are not our plans. God has used the last few years to clear the way and bring me to a point of being willing to trust the people who have walked with me, and has used the time to heal some things in me. In the space created this year, there has been room for God to reveal more layers to me, to go deeper and heal more. But it’s been hard. So after a few months of silence on here while I tried to get myself back together, hiding from everyone I possibly could and doing just enough to get through each day, I realised how far God has gone to put things in place for this season in my life.

I know, fanciful thinking, right? Except 7 years ago some people entered my life who have been key to reaching out and encouraging me this year. 4 years ago I started a course that built a grounding of knowledge in the character of God and of scripture that has proved a bedrock when didn’t think I could keep going. Within that time, as I have grown spiritually and let go of things I thought I knew and opened my eyes, I have had the privilege to walk alongside another church, dipping my toe into how they do life occasionally. And when, a year ago, that church stopped being an option, there were my friends, still willing to walk alongside me and to invite me into a new one, the one I have ended up joining.

And these friends are people who challenge me, support my wild ideas, put up with my not-so-great side and still love me, who include me and make me feel welcome and just generally point me towards God and remind me that I don’t walk alone. These people have been the key to helping me to see God in his faithfulness and unfailing love.

Excuse the self-indulgent post, but this is part of the reason for my hope in God. Because those times when it has been most tough have been times when I have struggled on alone. But those times when I have opened myself to God and to the friends God guided into my life, things are manageable. No, more than manageable. Impossible things become possible.

And it’s a biblical principle. When things seem impossible or too tough, God has already gone before to prepare the way. If we look briefly at the story of Gideon for one example, in Judges 7. Gideon is preparing to lead his army of 300 men against more than 100,000 Midianites. God says to Gideon “If you are scared, take a friend and listen to what they are saying” So Gideon goes.

In verse 13 it says ‘Gideon arrived just as a man was telling a friend his dream. “I had a dream,” he was saying, “A round loaf of barley bread came tumbling into the Midianite camp. It struck the tent with such force that the tent overturned and collapsed.”
His friend responded, “This can be nothing other than the sword of Gideon son of Joash, the Israelite. God has given the Midianites and the whole camp into his hands.”

Notice how Gideon arrived just in time to hear the thoughts of the soldiers in the enemy camp, a dream and its interpretation set up just to give him the courage to keep going and inspire his men. Gideon and his 300 men go on to achieve a great victory armed with a torch in a clay pot and a trumpet each. They encircled the camp, blew their trumpets and smashed the pots to reveal the torches. They didn’t draw swords or attack. And yet, the Midianite army fled. Because God had gone before to prepare the way for Gideon to do what was asked of him.

No matter what we are facing, God doesn’t set us up to fail. Sometimes it seems easy, but sometimes it seems hard, almost impossible. And those are the times we need to remember that God always goes before us. He doesn’t leave things half done, he doesn’t abandon us part way through the journey. And he definitely doesn’t uncover things with us before we are ready to face them. And if we need a little extra encouragement, we’ll find that God has already put that in our path whether it’s through some teaching we once heard, a book we own, some people in our lives, or something else entirely! Nothing is beyond God, He can turn anything into good, we just need to learn not to box Him in or limit our expectations of him.

So my encouragement going into a new year which looks at best a little uncertain is that God has gone before us, and He’ll be walking alongside us every step of the way.

It’s ok to change your mind (part 3)

There are some things in our lives that we are adamant that we hold the right opinion on. For whatever reason, maybe past experiences, maybe a prevailing culture where we live, maybe our way of viewing things, we know that we are right about something or someone. The things that usually fall into this category are more often than not the things that cause the most division within countries/communities/work places/households (you get the idea). They often seem to be things that cause us to become defensive and angry, or cause strong debates that some people can do well while others handle less eloquently.

The things is, these are also probably the things that are less black and white than we would like to think. And changing our minds on these topics can take a lot. And guess what? I can think of a prime example in the bible (of course…)

Think about Jonah. He travels around passing onto the people in the towns and cities he visits the messages God gives him. He hears directly and personally from God. He knows a little of God’s character. And so, when he hears that God wants him to go to Ninevah he says… no. He says no because the people of Ninevah don’t follow the rules of God, they have different gods? He says no because he is scared of what the people of Ninevah will do to him? He says no because… he knows that God is merciful and he doesn’t want the people of Ninevah to be saved.

It is his own opinion, his own prejudices that send him running and sailing in the opposite direction. But God doesn’t let him get away with that, instead sending a storm and a fish to nudge Jonah onto the right path. So eventually Jonah goes to Ninevah and passes on the message that God would overthrow them. And the people of Ninevah listened to this strange man and cried out to God and turned away from their evil ways. Jonah had predicted this might happen, and as predicted, God saw that they had changed and didn’t destroy them.

But Jonah wasn’t convinced and got angry at God for saving these people. God tries to teach him about caring about things that weren’t his using a tree. He caused a tree to grow which provided shade for Jonah, and Jonah was pleased with the plant. The next day God caused the plant to wither. He explains that Jonah is angry about the loss of the plant even though the plant didn’t belong to him, just like God didn’t want to lose Ninevah even though the Ninevites weren’t God’s chosen people. (Old Testament: God’s people are the tribes of Israel) They were still part of creation and God still loved them and wanted to save them.

We never find out if Jonah actually changed his mind about the Ninevites, but there is an opportunity here for us to learn too. Maybe we don’t feel we can change strongly held beliefs straight away, but what is the cost of holding those beliefs so strongly that we argue with the people who live around us, or post hurtful and hateful things on the internet? Are we so stuck in our beliefs that we would rather run in the opposite direction than look at ourselves and see where we are blinded by traditions? Have we been so hurt by our past that it’s easier to stick to the same view than to acknowledge our scars?

Sometimes, like Jonah, we might find ourselves in a position where we can either become bitter and angry, or we can be open to changing our minds. And that brings me onto the reason I hold onto hope in the future. Jonah, who had heard from God personally, who had been swallowed by a fish and sent where he didn’t want to go, said this about the character of God: You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love (Jonah 4: 2)

It seems to me that it is never too late to change your mind about anything. And if you believe in God who forgives and is compassionate, then maybe that will make it easier to keep an open mind that is ready to learn new things or hear about different opinions. Not because you have to change your mind.

But because if you decide you want to change your mind, that’s ok.

It’s ok to change your mind (part 2)

Last post, I wrote about the best piece of advice I’d ever received. And it genuinely is. I know of people who have said they want to become a doctor, and then felt pressured to follow that path even though their heart wasn’t in it. I know people who have a political opinion that makes them unwilling to listen to other points of view because it might make them look weak if they realise they agree with the opposite view point. (Please don’t take that as a political dig, everyone has reasons for their opinions and my intention is not to judge or tell you what your opinion should be!) I know people who have formed an opinion about someone and that has never changed, despite the person in question changing as they have grown up or progressed through life.

It’s this final example I wanted to highlight today. My second biblical example of a person who changes their mind is Saul/Paul. A man of influence who persecuted people who believed in and followed Jesus after he had died and risen, he stood by and watched as Stephen was martyred in Jerusalem. He scattered the early Church, driving them out of Jerusalem, and then travelled the surrounding area to throw more followers of Jesus in jail or have them killed.

On one hand, Saul believes he is doing what is right, to protect the purity of the Jewish faith and to follow the rules and laws handed down since Abraham. Maybe he is trying to protect the innocent people from what many considered to be a dangerous cult. On the other hand, he does it with great zeal and passion. Maybe he enjoys the power and influence he has a bit too much. Either way, Jesus has other plans.

On the way to Damascus to sentence more followers of Jesus to death, Saul is met bby a blinding light and a loud voice. The voice, heard only by Saul (his travel party heard thunder, but not words) asks, “Why are you persecuting me?” Saul asks who is speaking and the voice says, “I am Jesus, who you are persecuting. Go into Damascus and I will tell you what to do.”

Now Saul is left blind and has to be led into Damascus, and he doesn’t eat or drink for three days. A follower of Jesus named Ananias comes to Saul and prays for him to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Scales fall from Saul’s eyes and he can see again.

The thing is that Saul has a reputation. He has power and influence within the Jewish faith, and he has become known as someone who hates Jesus and Jesus’ followers. After this, he changes his mind completely. Instead of staying on the same path, instead of fading slowly into the background or gradually changing his actions, he completely changes immediately. He starts to preach in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. He became one of the most influential mouthpieces for the early church, spreading the message through the surrounding cities and across countries.

Saul changed his mind about Jesus because of an encounter with him. He learns something new and doesn’t let his reputation or previous opinions get in the way of changing direction and starting something new. Are we ever stuck in a way of thinking because we are scared to change our minds, scared of what others will think or feel pressured by expectations of the world to think or act a certain way? Admittedly, we won’t all have a Road to Damascus experience to help us change our minds, but do we ever miss subtle encounters that might show us that we were wrong about someone or something, or that someone or something has changed?

Changing your mind about anything requires courage, and sometimes it requires time and patience and that’s ok too. But you never have to feel trapped because of what you have said, thought or done. It is always ok to change your mind.

It’s ok to change your mind

I wonder what the best piece of advice you’ve ever received is. For me, without a doubt, it was a college tutor telling the tutor group that it’s always ok to change your mind. You can think one thing today and then learn something new, or experience something which impacts you, or meet someone who changes the way you view things. And that’s alright. Just because one day you said your favourite food was bacon doesn’t mean that your favourite food has to be bacon for the rest of your life!

Ok, that’s a flippant example, but the same thing applies for careers, politics, opinions, beliefs… In fact, there are very few decisions that are set in stone. I did a degree in music, volunteered for a church and now work in tourism. My favourite fruit used to be watermelon, now I prefer blackberries. Over time, I have also changed my mind on more political topics.

The point is, no matter what decisions we make we are rarely truly stuck. There is always hope. If you don’t like where you are going, you can change your mind. Sometimes opinions or decisions are right for one season, but not for the next. (By season, I mean christian-ese for a period in our life often defined by a trend in emotions or a pattern of occurrences. Often used ‘seasons’ include season of waiting, season of growing, season of letting go.) Seasons are a helpful analogy though, because just like the seasons in the year, they change. Maybe the changes are subtle, maybe they are huge. Maybe the change is gradual or maybe it’s sudden. But seasons change, and with them we can change our minds.

Better yet, their is a biblical precedent for it. Over the next three posts I’m going to visit three bible characters that prove to me that it’s ok to change your mind.

The first character is Peter. The impulsive disciple. Started out as a fisherman. That’s what he was trained as, that was his career. Then some radical guy from Nazareth came along and said “Follow me and I’ll make you a fisher of men”. And so Peter changed his mind. He wouldn’t follow the family business that he had trained for. He would follow this new opportunity that had come up. I bet when he was learning how to fish he never imagined the opportunity would come to leave the nets behind and travel with a guy who would heal and drive out demons, or that he would become a spokesman for the early church! But the point is he didn’t remain stuck in a job, he didn’t take the safe route. He changed his mind.

Not sold? Ok, how about at the last supper. Jesus kneels to wash his feet. Peter is shocked (slaves washed feet, not respected teachers). He refuses. Jesus says “if you won’t let me wash your feet, you have no place with me”. Peter changes his mind. “Ok, then wash all of me!” Oh, Peter! Quite an extreme change of mind. But Jesus replies “If you’ve had a bath you are already clean, only your feet need washing” (Ok, there’s a spiritual level to the exchange too, and I have paraphrased, but you get the idea.) And Peter changes his mind and submits. Always open to correction, Peter knows he can change his mind around Jesus and Jesus will accept it.

Let’s go for one more example. Jesus has died, risen and ascended. Peter is know sharing the news among the Jews. Then he gets a dream. In the dream, there is a large sheet lowered from heaven covered in animals that were considered unclean and not edible in Jewish culture. A voice urges Peter to kill and eat from the sheet. In the vision, Peter refuses, saying he has never eaten anything impure or unclean. The voice then says “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean”. The sheet returns to heaven and Peter is sent to preach to the Gentiles, because God had taught him not to call anything impure which God had made clean, and the God had spoken to these men too even though they weren’t Jews. And Peter doesn’t say “I’m sorry, I’ve only ever teach Jews.” Instead he says “God has just taught me not to call impure what he has made clean” and started to teach them about Jesus. And those men were annointed and believed in Jesus. Again, Peter changes his mind, this time based on learning something new.

So you see, changing your mind on opinions is biblical. Saying something then changing your mind is biblical. Deciding to change career and try something new is biblical. We are never stuck by where our past has put us. There is always hope for the future. And the best bit is we never know what’s round the corner! Sometimes, we just have to know it’s ok to change your mind.

Being Boromir

It’s been a few weeks. A lot has happened. The country has started moving again. Who knows what comes next? For this post I’m going to move away from the bible. But there is still a message of hope!

If you haven’t seen The Lord of the Rings: The Extended Edition, fair warning: SPOILER ALERT!

I have a brain that loves pictures and imagination. I can watch a film or read a book and find something in it I can use to talk about God and us. And LOTR has so much wisdom to it among the many battles that it’s a little treasure trove.

I grew up with LOTR. That and Star Wars always seemed to be on the TV (and Jurassic Park, but not as big a fan of that one).

I’ve been wanting to rewatch the films for ages but haven’t been able to justify the time. Now, however…

They are epic films on so many levels. The music, the scenery, the adventure, the quotes, the characters. I think the only thing I can fault in the films is American actors occasionally letting their English accent slip, and as accents are not one of my gifts it doesn’t bother me too much. (Note here, I haven’t actually read the books all the way through. I usually get stuck at the council meeting).

I could talk for hours about the number of quotes in these films. There are quotes to give hope, quotes to inspire and plenty of quotes to add humour to your day. (There’s a great one about potatoes…)

But I wanted to focus instead on the characters. There are such a range of characters in the films. Each has strengths and weaknesses, and each goes on their own adventure which isn’t necessarily the main one in the plot. It’s a bit like life if you think about it. Each of us has our own part to play in the narrative, even if it’s not the one we thought when we started out, and sometimes it’s not until we look back that we can see how important it was.

More than that, because of the range of characters in the plot, you may find you can identify with one of the characters. Or maybe you know people in real life who are very similar to the characters in the story. I am undoubtedly Pippin: naïve yet brave, good intentioned but also impulsive. And I’m quite short…

Saying that, I was struck by Boromir this time. I’ve always had a soft spot for Boromir. Maybe it has something to do with him being played by Sean Bean who I believe is one of the best actors around. But I grew up thinking Boromir wasn’t someone to aspire to be like. (Here come the spoilers)

Boromir is angry and disrespectful in the council meeting (we must all have experienced someone who knows best in our staff meetings!) He is constantly tempted by the ring and near the end even attacks the hero (Frodo) to try and take the ring from him. He is also the only one of the fellowship not given a gift in Lothlorien and who doesn’t survive the quest.

However, at a closer look there are certain qualities that we could aspire to. He is driven, in part, by a deep compassion for his people. He wants to use the ring as a weapon in order to save the lives of the people of Gondor. When he is outvoted, he joins the fellowship and fights bravely every time he is called upon. During the journey, he is the one who takes the time to teach Merry and Pippin to fight (well, tries to!) After the journey through the mines he is the one calling on the others to give the hobbits time to grieve for their friend. Time and again, you see compassion in these little moments.

Yes, he seems to continually talk about taking a detour via Gondor, but we also later learn that he has a very pushy father. Can anyone relate to that?

And yes, he does give in to temptation and attempt to take the ring by force. But we see almost immediate remorse when he realises what he has done. And he doesn’t give up. He could have run away in shame. Instead he stays and fights against overwhelming odds, singlehandedly fighting to protect the two members of the fellowship who are probably worth the least and are (logically at least) the most expendable. He makes some bad choices, but he is honourable and kind. And his determination to protect these two hobbits who are so far from home leads him to one of the most heroic death scenes out there (in my opinion).

But more than that. He is dying, and the first thing he tells Aragorn is that they ‘took the little ones’. Still trying to save people. And then he asks after Frodo and admits what he has done. He doesn’t hide it as a secret and take it to the grave, he brings it into the light.

Next to Aragorn, it is easy to view Boromir as lesser. Aragorn is humble, gentle and wise. But he is not perfect either. I think there is a lot we can learn from Boromir:

  • Making a mistake doesn’t stop us from being a hero in our own and/or someone else’s story.
  • No one is too small or unimportant to be worth fighting for and saving
  • And when we do make a mistake, when we do give in to temptation, the best thing to do is to bring it into the light. Find someone we trust and tell them. Boromir dies in peace in the end, because he has nothing to hide and because Aragorn listens and doesn’t judge. Is there something today that is causing you to feel ashamed? Be wise in who you tell, but bring it into the light. Share it with God and with someone you trust and respect.

Life… finds a way

Any Jurassic Park fans out there? This quote, from the very first film way back in 1993, shows Dr Malcolm’s cynicism at the scientists being able to control the dinosaur population. It is his suggestion that, despite all the measures they have put in place life isn’t meant to be contained and controlled in such a way. Life will find a way to freedom.

Jump back to the Old Testament and the story of Daniel. Whilst in exile, Daniel is faithful to God. The law of the land said that he couldn’t pray or worship God, but he remained to true to what he believed. Rules were imposed and the Jewish faith should have faded away. But God finds a way. Through Daniel and other individuals remaining faithful, through miracles, despite the constraints, God finds a way.

Jump forward to Acts, where Christians are being persecuted. But people like Peter remained faithful and continued to preach about Jesus. Jesus himself meets Saul on the road and transforms him into one of the key figures credited with spreading the gospel in Europe. Christianity should have been killed off, worshiping gods, although allowed, was only allowed if one of those gods was the Roman Emperor. But because of the faithfulness of those who believed, the church thrived in persecution and many were healed and blessed, and came to believe in God.

Jump to today. Over the last few years I have been in a small church based in an estate that is not hugely rich. As numbers worshiping with us on a Sunday have aged and dwindled, we have been hugely blessed by faithful volunteers coming alongside us to reach out to our local community. A humble little church doing all it can with faithful friends acting out of love to meet the needs we can in our local community. For the last 4 years, we have even managed to run a holiday club to bless the local children with fun, games, crafts and tell them about our faith. Each year it has grown a little, and we have become a little more ambitious. And each year, despite some trials, God has faithfully sent enough volunteers to make it happen, and children and families for us to bless.

This year, we planned early so it would be amazing, building on the success of last year. And then, in the UK in March 2020, lock-down hit. We kept planning just in case restrictions were eased and we could run, but come July and the team involved decided we wouldn’t be able to run a physical holiday club. But we didn’t give up.

We just happened to have on the team a couple of people with expertise in filming and video editing. And we just happened to have some enthusiastic people willing to give up their time. And so, we decided to take our message online. But more than that, we decided we could also provide something physical for families in the form of craft packs each day. So we adapted, remaining faithful to what we believed God wanted us to do for the area.

And then it grew. And it wasn’t just one small area we were able to offer the craft packs to, it was 4 whole post codes. And it wasn’t just a handful of families, but 100 children. And more than that, the online content could (and has been) shared beyond that. At the time of writing, I am told that there are people signed up to access the online content on 3 continents.

I say this not to show off, but because I am feeling hugely humbled. This team is fantastic and have come behind a vision to love and bless people first, and to share our faith with them as we do that. But, lets face it, this shouldn’t work. Our team just happened to have the enough people in the right place, and we just happened to find the funds to make this possible, and we just happened to been given access to somewhere we could do filming, and we just happened to be able to fit a filming schedule in around what the team was doing, and we just happened to have the time to organise and put this together in about a month, and we just happened to be able to get the equipment for the craft packs delivered in time to be made up… The list goes on. It could be a series of coincidences. It could be a run of good fortune.

But then you put it in the context I outlined first, how in difficult circumstances God finds a way to continue to share how much He loves people, how God uses faithful people to spread His blessing. And this team I am part of are not the only ones. I hear stories of others finding new ways to share the message, and more people people being reached than they ever expected. And that’s why I hold onto my hope in God. Because when the way ahead looks blocked, God does more than I could ever have expected. God’s love cannot be contained. It does not belong in a building, but freely flows to the people He created. It cannot be constrained by rules, but finds its own way grow.

God… finds a way.

Don’t count sheep!

Have you ever seen White Christmas? I was fortunate enough to see it on the West End with Aled Jones and Tom Chambers, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Fantastic talent and a brilliant story-line. But there was one song that stuck with me long after I left the theatre (and no, I don’t mean White Christmas!)

I don’t want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn’t seen it, so I’ll try and be a little vague. There is a young girl in the play who in one particular scene can’t sleep because she is worried about a lot of things. The main character sings her a lullabye called Count your blessings (instead of sheep). The idea behind it is so simple and so profound, I used it as a basis for a new prayer habit.

As I read the news, scroll through social media or listen to the people around me, there is an awful lot of uncertainty about what is coming next. Some people are concerned about job security and money, some have fears about health. For some, the idea of having to leave the house is proving a cause for worry after months of staying inside. Whatever your situation is, whatever is causing you worry and concern, I don’t want to diminish that. But I have found that with in each day there are also things to be thankful for. There are positive things that can bring light with them. Sometimes it’s a message from a friend, or a smile from a stranger. Sometimes it’s reading a much-loved book or watching a favourite film. Birds, flowers, the moon – all things I have been thankful for at various times. Sometimes it’s as basic as drinking a cup of tea at the perfect temperature.

The lyrics of the song say ‘When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep. And I fall asleep counting my blessings’. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty. Sometimes the darkness and despair threatens to block out all hope. My message here is one of personal experience. If I can make a list of 10 points of light each day before you go to sleep, I find my mind is calmer and I can sleep a little easier. For me, this takes the form of thinking of 10 things I can thank God for. Sometimes they are big things like a new job or an unexpected windfall, but more often than not they are more everyday things like friends and family, or little pleasures like Milka chocolate.

So if you are worried, and you are having trouble sleeping, see if you can find the light in your day to be thankful for. I promise you it will be there. There is always light somewhere. There is always hope.

When disappointment hits

Have you ever worked hard towards an outcome, piled in time and energy in the hope that progress could be made, and allowed yourself to hope that the situation has improved? And then has something happened that has brought it all crashing down and left you feeling angry or disappointed and just wanting to throw in the towel and give up? If not, you are a stronger person than I am. If this rings a bell with you, you may be able to appreciate sort of how I felt within the last week.

Alongside my day-jobs I have dedicated a large portion of my time, energy and prayer to working towards reconciliation in a particular setting. This week I was in a virtual meeting where what I experienced showed me that the progress I thought had been made was not firm. And it left me feeling very angry and disappointed, and lacking the energy to keep trying. I was angry at the people directly involved, I was angry at the people who had been watching from the side-lines along the way and choosing to remain distant, I was even angry at God who promises to answer our prayers. I wasn’t seeing evidence of that!

Sometimes the battles that we face that affect us deeply are huge, global issues. Sometimes they are small local issues, personal to a few. The one I’ve been talking about probably doesn’t have global repercussions. But it’s still something I have invested myself into. If somethings never change and somethings do nothing but change, how can we know where to trust or what to hope in?

Then I found a little tidbit of theological wisdom in a very random place. I watched Frozen 2. I won’t spoil the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised by the film and thought it was better than the first one. But from the start there is a slightly comic character development where Olaf is ‘maturing’ and considering what change means. And then there comes this wise line: I’ve just thought of one thing that’s permanent… Love!

If you are a bible scholar, you can track the love that God shows for his people throughout the bible. Abraham and his descendants were blessed in order to bless others. Jesus came and showed love to the people he met more than judgement. The book of Acts opens up the family of God to all peoples and races, not just Jews.

Throughout history, the Church has not always acted in love. Not all Christians have rooted their actions to show God’s love. But God’s love itself has not gone away. It has remained constant. My first known encounter with God was an outpouring of a Father’s love while I was alone and desperate and searching. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, like a flame had been lit in my heart and with it a sense of peace and belonging.

It’s easy to get sucked into the worries of everyday life. It is right to stand up against injustice where we see it. It’s even ok to get angry and disappointed. But through all of that, God’s love remains constant. For me, being reminded of that very first encounter also reminds me of why I continue to put my trust in God, and why I continue to have hope.

Yes, the disappointment hurts. No, I can’t explain why the situation didn’t go the way I thought it should. Sometimes all we can do is trust in God’s long-term plan. We are very used to seeing the immediate problems and not as good at being patient. Not many things we see are permanent. Some things change quickly, somethings change extremely slowly. Some things we would like to see change, somethings we would rather remained the same.

But there is this one things you can rely on, one thing that remains constant, one thing you can choose to build your life and your actions on: God loves his children. Including me.

Including you.