Coming clean – lent 2023

The story of Joseph and his coat of many colours is probably one of the best known in the bible. It was made into a musical with classic songs like Any dream will do and close every door to me, and an Elvis-like Pharaoh. The story starts with a family of 12 brothers from 2 mothers, a father who plays favourites, and a special son who rubs it in the faces of his brothers either intentionally arrogant or woefully naive. The special son, Joseph, goes to give his brothers a message and they take the opportunity to get rid of him. They throw him in a hole in the ground and then sell him as a slave in Egypt.

The brothers then take Joseph’s special coat, tear it and cover it in goat’s blood. They present it to their father, telling a tale of how they found it in the desert, that Joseph must have been attacked a killed by a wild animal. Their father is heartbroken, his favourite son is dead. The brothers secretly rejoice, although life doesn’t exactly become smooth sailing. Read Genesis to find out what they get up to.

Joseph gets bought by Potiphar and serves him well. But Potiphars wife tries to seduce him and when that doesn’t work gets Joseph thrown in jail. He stays there for years, interpreting a couple of dreams along the way and eventually gets dragged before Pharoah to interpret his dream. Off the back of that he winds up overseeing the food for Egypt during a famine.

Back home, his father and brothers are starving. The brothers go to Egypt to beg for food. Joseph recognises them, they don’t recognise him. A little bit of back a forth they Joseph reveals himself. There is no resentment, just compassion for his brothers. He sends them to get their father so they can live in Egypt without worry for food.

This is the bit that interests me. The brothers go back and tell their father that Joseph is alive. Its not clear how much of the story they tell him. Did they come clean and spill the beans on what had really happened to Joseph all those years ago? It’s never mentioned. The passage doesn’t say that the brothers come clean, but neither does it say that Joseph drops them in it. There’s a lesson there on true forgiveness – when we have truly forgiven, we don’t tell others about what has happened. (But that’s a post for another day…)

I wonder how the brothers felt. Coming clean could have led to their father disowning them, but keeping quiet meant their father could find out another way. The guilt and uncertainty would certainly have made for a difficult time.

It’s next mentioned (sort of) after their father’s death. The brothers make up a message for Joseph from the father. They want to Joseph to know their father wanted Joseph to forgive the sins of his brothers (which Joseph had already done, but maybe the brothers hadn’t forgiven themselves). Does that mean they told their father and he chose to forgive them too? Or does it mean the guilt was still eating them up and they feared the consequences that their actions deserved but which they hadn’t yet received?

I guess that’s not something we’ll ever know. But it does raise an interesting point. Joseph’s brothers feared consequences and couldn’t accept forgiveness. What if they had come clean and brought it all out into the open? What if they didn’t have any secrets to hide? They wouldn’t have had as much to fear, and maybe they would have found it easier to forgive themselves and accept the grace Joseph had given them.

And for us, replace Joseph with Jesus. Are there things we hide, actions which we are still waiting for the consequences of, but which Jesus has forgiven and instead offered grace? Are there things we still keep in the dark, holding them over ourselves so we live in fear?

There is a solution: come clean. Bring it to God, honestly, and see what he says. Offer the guilt and the shame to God, repent and say sorry, and accept the gift of grace Jesus offers in return.

We weren’t meant to live in fear, so don’t trap yourself by holding onto something that allows fear to grow. Jesus wanted more for you than that, that’s why he died on a cross.

Come clean, and be forgiven.

It’s not the big things… – lent 2023

Sometimes in life we have amazing experiences. We conduct a choir on a cruise ship, we cater for an amazing dinner party, we right an article that gets published… OK, those are all me, but I’m sure you have some stand out amazing memories too. And they are most definitely part of our stories.

But actually, those big things actually make up a very small part of our stories. I was talking earlier to someone with kids who was saying it’s not the big things that shape them, but the everyday little things that happen all the time. And when we interact with the people around us, the big things do matter, but the little things matter too, maybe even more! And if we look at our lives, the things that can change the day around can actually be really small things – a smile, a cuppa, a hug.

Jesus did a huge thing – he died on a cross and rose again. And before that he did some other rather large things – raising the dead, feeding thousands, turning water into wine… the list goes on. But he also did little things. He listened to people. He welcomed little children. He walked and talked and lived everyday – he wasn’t that different from us (without the internet or cars). Of course the big things are important, but Jesus influenced people by doing lots of little things in between those big things, things so insignificant that they aren’t written down but which must have happened for him to have such a following.

We can do big things for ourselves and for other people. Grand gestures are amazing. However, they take planning and energy and we can’t sustainably do them every day. What we can do is make sure we give ourselves credit for the little things. All those little things build up and create ripples just like the big things. And it’s the little things that build relationships.

Someone once said to me, “Do the little things like they are big and God will do the big things like they are little.”

The little things we do are important – don’t underestimate them.

Whose voice is it? – lent 2023

As we go through each day, things we see, do or say leave an impact. Sometimes that impact lasts seconds, sometimes it lasts years. Sometimes, memories come back time and again, some with good feelings and some with bad.

Internally, it’s almost like we have another voice commentating as we go. It’s the sort of voice that could be God speaking to us through words, emotions or pictures. But how often is that voice not encouraging?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes that voice can be a voice of shame or blame, a voice of anger or disappointment. And it’s persistent. It can come back when you least expect it, when you are at a low point, or when something triggers a memory and the voice niggles for weeks after. Maybe that’s just my experience, but after some conversations, I suspect not.

The thing is, that voice of blame or shame, of anger or disappointment or any other berating voice that drags you down is not God. While God doesn’t always approve of choices or actions, he does not belittle us or tear us down. It’s clear in the bible God isn’t always gentle, but God is always motivated by love. Someone who loves you doesn’t constantly point out your mistakes or wounds, at least not in a way that is designed to tear you down and keep you down, not in a way that can lead to self-hatred or giving up.

While we are not perfect and do make mistakes, God sees them all and never gives up on us. God sees who we are, who we can be and encourages/nudges/pushes/drags us to be better, to heal, to move forward and to grow.

So the next time there is an internal commentary, pause for a second and think. Is it trying to build you up or tear you down? If it’s the latter, try and ignore it. Instead, ask God what he thinks. God will always speak from a place of love, His is the voice you should listen to.

Back to basics – lent 2023

It’s been a long day. A long, cold day. The place I work is windy at the best of times. At the moment, that wind has a cold bite to it. And today, my work included sitting outside for an hour talking to visitors. OK, I was sitting in a tent, but it still wasn’t exactly warm.

Now, I’m not a big fan of being cold. I’d rather be too hot than too cold. But it was worth it today to talk to the visitors who had come up. We had a bit of a joke about how cold it was and one told me I should have brought a hot water bottle. ‘Tis a good idea I shall remember for the next time my work day includes sitting in the cold!

It triggered a memory for me, something I may have written about before. Back when I was a wavering Christian, someone who had grown up going to church but didn’t necessarily have a faith, I was going through a tough time with my job and my living situation. It wasn’t great, and I used to escape to my church. I’d get the key and spend some time in the building with the door locked just as a safe place to sit. One evening it was quite cold and quite late. As I said, I didn’t have much of a faith at the point, but there I was sitting in a church. I’d heard about God all my life, I knew what others said he was. But that wasn’t enough for me.

So in this cold church in the dark, I prayed. I said, “God, if you are real, if you are who they say you are, I need you now. I could really use some help.” I rambled on for a bit longer and then I realised I wasn’t cold anymore. No, I hadn’t got hypothermia. I felt warm from the inside out, a heat that spread from my heart. I guess, not unlike a water bottle on the inside!

It was that moment that I started to believe. The warmth was comforting. It was a feeling of love and belonging and reassurance. I don’t know what I expected when I prayed that prayer, I think part of me didn’t expect anything. But God showed up for me. I’ve done my best to describe it, but words don’t really do it justice. It’s a feeling I can still remember nearly 10 years later.

Sometimes we need to stop. We need to remember. God has revealed himself to us at some point, probably multiple times. Go back to that point and remember who God is, how he showed up for you. When Christians first come to faith, especially if they are an adult, they are full of energy and determination. As time goes by, they can become complacent or just worn down. Remember who God is to renew you passion and restore your soul. What story would you tell to share God with someone? What story do you tell yourself when the voice of doubt comes calling? What memory do you draw on when the going gets tough?

Go back to basics when faith was simpler. Go back to God himself.

Let us pray – lent 2023

“Let us pray” is a phrase I’ve grown up hearing. It’s the cue to close our eyes and boe our heads, and possibly put our hands together. I heard it a little at school and I’ve heard it growing up in church.

In the last few years, I have had the privilege to walk alongside Christians of many denominations and backgrounds. I have seen how they do prayer. Some bow their heads others look up. Some use lots if words, others not many. Some pray about big things, others pray about everything. Some stand, some kneel, some place hands together, some hold them in the air. Some pray inside, others go for walks. Some sing or pray in tongues, some quote scripture and soke speak from the heart. Some throw out a quick prayer when the situation needs it, others promise to pray later at their normal time.

None of these are wrong ways to pray. The only wrong way to pray is to pray for the sake of the people watching to make yourself look good. Prayer is first and foremost for God. Words, emotions, pictures – God hears them all.

I found myself thinking about this today. I reached the end of the day and was looking back and I hadn’t really set aside time to pray. I’d sat in silence for a bit but wasn’t consciously praying. I’d had coffee with some friends and daydreamer, but not specifically talking to God. I’d baked and said, “please, God, let the cake be cooked” but more as a habit than with any real feeling.

That’s unusual for me. And yet… while I was sitting in silence I was thinking about people I love. While I was drinking tea with friends, I was part listening to their conversation and part looking at the people walking by outside. And while I was baking I was thinking specifically of the people I was baking for and the circumstances that meant I wanted to bake for them.

There weren’t focused times of quiet, there weren’t words or scriptures. There were just my feelings, my compassion, my concern. And for God, that’s enough.

How do you pray? Do you set aside time? Do you ‘pray-as-you-go’? Do you speak? Do you cry? Do you kneel? Do you walk? It doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is that you do something.

Be strong, take heart – lent 2023

I have written a little about healthy introspection, seeing ourselves as we really both the good and the bad. The point of this is to help us move forwards. We can identify places where we need to grow, or areas we have a weakness we need to be careful of as well as indetifying gifts we have to offer and skills we have to use.

This isn’t easy. I have emphasised this is also a time to get to know God and find out what he says about you. When you start acknowledging your bad points, sometimes that can lead to viewing yourself badly or it can lead to burying your head in the sand and ignoring it.

God doesn’t want either of those. God wants you to keep moving forward, to keep growing. God loves all of you and will support you on your journey. And God doesn’t want you to do it alone. He wants to uncover things when you are in a place to deal with then and in circumstances where you know you are loved.

It takes courage to keep going, to love yourself even as you take ownerships of the areas you still need to grow, to keep going back to a place of pain in order to work through for healing, to wake up each day and turn your eyes forward not back and decide to make a change. It also takes courage to work through things with patience and not push through to get to the other side as quickly as possible.

To whoever needs to hear it, here is a verse from psalm 27:

Wait for the Lord, Be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord

A tree has many branches… – lent 2023

Last year I was out walking and I found a cedar tree. I didn’t know it was a cedar tree, it just caught my eye because it was an interesting shape. It had a lot of branches (yes, I am aware that all trees have a lot of branches!) and these branches were all strong, well defined and separate rather than clustered together. What struck Mr as I was looking at it was how many different branches there were and yet it was a single tree.

It struck me because sometimes in life we are told we need to specialise, to focus our energies on one thing. Education makes is do it, choosing options at each stage to narrow down and focus our expertise. “Jack of all trades, master of none” – the implication being that we need to focus one or two trades in order to be successful. And as we get older, chances to learn new things become harder to find. “You can’t teach old dogs new tricks.”

And yet, here was a tree, standing proudly with loads of branches spread all the way up the trunk. There weren’t only one or two strong branches and lots of weedy ones. The branches didn’t stop when the trunk reached a certain height. Given everything it needs, a tree has no limits.

Imagine you were a tree and each branch is a new skill – what would your tree look like? If you had all the space, sunlight, water and nutrients (or human equivalents) how many branches would you have?

We would all probably have a couple of large branches near the bottom. We learn to walk and talk at a young age. Then we learn to read, write and count. As we progress, some of us learn sport, arts, sciences and/or languages. Some will develop their writing or counting skills further. Some will combine skills.

But imagine if you never had to specialise. How different would you life-tree be? Would there be more branches? Imagine if there was no one telling you to be realistic and discouraging you from certain subjects or skills. Would your tree look different? Imagine you could learn a new skill whenever you wanted. Would the branches on your tree spread all the way to the top?

In the bible, it is written in the letter to the Corinthians that God gives many gifts – different combinations to different people. There is no limit – God doesn’t only give 2 gifts to each, nor does God stop giving new gifts past a certain age.

Just imagine what it would be like to learn and develop new gifts/skills at every stage of life depending on what you want/need at the time. Imagine there are no limits. Imagine you are free to dream. What ‘branches’ would you like to grow?

It’s lent, a time to learn about ourselves. We can start growing new branches in areas we have always wanted to. We can pray for more gifts. We can strengthen branches that have started to grow in the past. We can become flourishing trees with many interesting branches.

Have I taken the analogy too far? Maybe. But I find the visual helpful, maybe you will too.

Walk by faith – lent 2023

There is a phrase in the bible: we walk by faith, not by sight. It’s a phrase that comes to me from time to time – when it’s dark and I’m finding my way to a specific room in the house, walking a route I’ve walked most of my life, or when I’m carrying too much and can’t really see where I’m putting my feet. There I go again, walking by faith not by sight. I took it very literally, interpreting it to mean that I knew the way so well I didn’t need my eyes. In the faith setting, knowing what to do and not letting myself get distracted by what my eyes could see.

Recently though, I’ve found myself pondering on a deeper level. Walk by faith and not by sight doesn’t really mean knowing the way. In fact, it’s almost the complete opposite. Knowing the way without light is walking by memory. Walking by faith is not knowing the way but going anyway.

Maybe it’s quite simply that, not knowing where we are going but choosing to trust God to open the right doors, knowing that eventually we will be where we are meant to be, with him in heaven. That is a fair interpretation that covers most of our life. But it can also be used in specific circumstances. Maybe something you are going through is painful and actually looking ahead it looks bleak, like a never ending tunnel, not even a glimpse of light ahead. But you’ve been told it gets better. You’ve been told it will help in the long run. So you keep going, you keep pushing through without needing to see the light. You choose to believe the light is there, you choose to believe it will get better.

Walking by faith is choosing to keep going even when you can’t see what’s ahead. It’s choosing to trust that the path you are on is God’s path, or at least that God will direct you back onto his path if you’ve wandered away. It’s choosing to hope that whatever hardship, whatever struggle, whatever pain you are experiencing now, it won’t last forever and there’s something better waiting.

I wonder if Jesus ever felt like that? When he was being tempted in the desert and he could have made things easier for himself, taken away the trial but he chose to trust God. Walking by faith?

Or as he journeyed to Jerusalem for the final time knowing he had to die. Walking by faith?

Or as he sat in the garden praying then let himself be arrested and put on trial without fighting back, without speaking up for himself. Walking by faith?

God has a plan that is bigger than what we are walking through. Jesus suffered. Then he rose triumphant. Whatever you are walking through, however dark it might seem to your eyes, remember your God rolled the stone away and rose from the grave. Walk on, keep believing.

Walk by faith.

He cares about the ‘why’ – lent 2023

Have you ever done something ‘unforgiveable’? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt you didn’t deserve forgiveness? Have you acted in a way you’re not proud of?

I was talking with a friend recently who was explaining a situation and said they felt they didn’t deserve forgiveness but was sure they would be given it so didn’t want to ask. (To clarify, my friend hadn’t done anything terrible, but sometimes our view is skewed by our own perception). It got me thinking. If I look back on my own story, there are things I’ve not proud of. I have said in the past “they shouldn’t have forgiven me”. I have felt like I didn’t deserve forgiveness.

That’s the funny thing about grace. It’s not about what we deserve. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. Grace is undeserved. God does care when we do something wrong, of course he does. But he doesn’t care about the action per say. He cares about what led to that action. What scar or hurt has led you to that point? On the Christian course I did, DNA, they had a saying: a legitimate need met in an illegitimate way.

What they mean is that how we feel is very real. Maybe we need to be loved, maybe we need a bit of an escape, maybe we need to let off steam – whatever the need, there are multiple ways to meet that need. But not all of them are helpful and healthy. But dealing with the behaviour, the ‘sin’ if you like, is just dealing with the fruit. God cares about the root, the thing inside that means you feel like you need to behave in that way.

Grace has already dealt with the action, Jesus was crucified for all our sins and we are forgiven. We can move past the beating ourselves up part, past the part where we feel like we’re unforgivable. God’s grace doesn’t care about the action, it cares about the person. You will always be forgiven if you say sorry (and mean it). God wants to acknowledge that legitimate need inside, to heal the hurt caused or to give the break you need. He cares about the what, but he cares more about the why.

Is there an area you feel unforgivable? Are there things you do/have done that cause you shame? Take them to God, receive his grace and forgiveness and let him uncover the root, let him begin to mend the ‘why’.