40 day challenge day 3: Worthy of it all

Forgive me, this is a short post, possibly a bit of random rambling. I’m not feeling 100%, so I’m just sharing a moment when I met God today.

I had an interesting kind of day today. It involved preparing for an event that we have subsequently had to cancel. But while I was merrily painting an ark and sorting out googly eyes (did I mention I do kids work?!) I got a song stuck in my head. So while I was alone in the office, preparing, I started singing too. Not gonna lie, it didn’t sound great (something akin to a honking goose…) but there wasn’t anyone around to judge it so I didn’t stop.

Often, earworms (yes, that’s the technical term) are annoying songs, and working with children or watching Disney leads to many earworms that are often small snippets and are just generally annoying.

But this one was a worship song. It’s called Worthy of it All. So while I was crawling on the floor and mixing the right shade of brown, I was also very much focusing on God.

The lyrics say everything that needs to be said:

You are worthy of it all

You are worthy of it all

For from you are all things and to you are all things.

You deserve the glory

Day and night, night and day

Let incence arise

There’s a little more to the song than that, but this is what I was happily singing while painting. And I don’t need to explain much more. God is good all the time, no matter what we see happening. And through what I’ve seen and experienced, the ways I’ve seen God’s provision for me, I want to worship and praise him.

So yes, today I was on my knees, covered in paint singing and praising God who I believe is worthy and awesome, and I don’t care who saw me. Because God doesn’t need us to look great or sound fab, he just wants to be with us in our everyday things.

(I couldn’t find a version of this song on YouTube I loved – I prefer more acoustic versions, but this one is pretty good. I’m sure some will love this version.)

40 day challenge day 2: The wrong direction

Reading back through some previous posts, it almost reads like I’ve got it sorted, this walking with God thing, (I don’t) like I never waver (I do).

My favourite stand alone film which I come back to time and again as a ‘feel-good’ film is The Frisco Kid. I may have posted about it before. Its about a Polish Rabbi called Avram who travels to America. He is due to take up a post as a Rabbi in San Francisco but finds himself stranded in New York. The film is about the adventures he has as he travels across America by land. He encounters Amish, Native Americans, silent monks and those who want to take advantage of his trusting nature. He learns a lot about himself and how being a Rabbi is more than knowing the Torah. As he travels he meets a cowboy called Tommy who manages to keep him travelling to San Francisco (rather than Mexico – his sense of direction wasn’t great!)

Apart from being a film that makes me laugh, it also has a good message about going on journeys in life. At the end of the film, Tommy and Avram are having dinner before Avram becomes the Rabbi. Except he is having second thoughts. He made a couple of bad decisions and starts doubting his ability to be a real Rabbi. And it is Tommy, the one who doesn’t stick by the rules, who speaks sense.

Avram: Tommy, I am not a rabbi.

Tommy: Don’t say that! You are a rabbi. I’m a bank robber. I’m a card player. I’m a whoremonger. That’s what I am. You are a rabbi. You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass, you can travel in the wrong direction. Jut even on your ass, even in the mud, even if you go in the wrong direction for a little while, you’re still a rabbi! That’s what you are!

It takes someone looking from the outside, at the whole picture, to see past the mistakes that are all Avram can see. Tommy has travelled across America with him and has seen his actions and his character.

And I love that phrase “travel in the wrong direction for a little while.” It is never too late to change direction and get back on course.

What does this have to do with lent and focusing on God? I have travelled in the wrong direction, I have slipped in the mud, I have stumbled and fallen. My walk with God has not been smooth. But through it all God has been there.

There’s a verse in Isaiah that says ‘whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “this is the way, walk in it”‘. Psalm 139 says ‘Where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your presence?’. Jeremiah 31: 3 says ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’

Even at those moments when I wanted to walk away, God followed. At those points where I drifted, God called me back. When I slipped and tripped, when I looked foolish, God never left and never stopped loving me. He could see past the mistakes I thought counted me out, because he has walked the whole journey with me. He knows me better than anyone else.

So I am reminding myself to lay aside the things I think count me out. I am reminding myself that it’s God’s grace that matters. It’s nothing I have done, it is all on God. What I do, the direction I go in, it doesn’t change who I am. And it’s never too late to turn back to him.

So no, I don’t have it sorted. But God does. He always has arms open to welcome his children back. This journey to lent, 40 days of pointing to God, they are me keeping my gaze on God. Because God’s never taken his eyes off of me. That gives me reason to hope.

40 day challenge day 1: The Power of Prayer

OK, so off to a good start. One day, one post. Can I keep this up? I hope so! I know I’ll feel richer for it at the end and hopefully some of you reading will to. Spending a little while each day focusing on who God is certainly can’t do any harm…

So, where to start. It’s all very well saying 40 posts on 40 days, but that also requires 40 lots of inspiration as well as being aware of and sensitive to what’s going on around the world. I am not a trained theologian, nor the perfect Christian, so I hope you can forgive me when I get it wrong.

The place to start is always, to me, in prayer. Prayer is an act of humility, admiting we need help. It is an act of worship, acknowledging God’s power. It is an act of vulnerability, being completely open and honest about ourselves, our concerns and our weaknesses, whatever they may be.

But still, where to start? At times I have found myself without the words to pray, so overwhelmed by what’s around me either big world problems or personal problems that can seem huge (although in the grand scheme of things are probably relatively minor…)

Max Lucado tells a story in one of his many books (can’t recall which one, but he’s a fab writer so I recommend them all!) of his daughter performing a piano piece in a recital and forgetting the music part way through. She eventually got to the end of the piece, but the mistake had been made. Her parents rushed to meet her She threw her arms around her dad and buried her head in his shirt. “Oh Daddy!”

That’s where to start. When disappointment hits. “Oh Daddy!” When things are out of control. “Oh Daddy!” When we feel isolated and alone. “Oh Daddy!” When our feelings are overwhelming and confusing. “Oh Daddy!” And when we feel helpless. “Oh Daddy!”

That’s how prayer starts- by calling out to the one who is listening. What follows, whether it be words, emotions or tears, whether it be audible or silent, will be heard and accepted as a prayer. We just need to take that first step and start the conversation.

“Oh Daddy!”

Philippians 4: 6-7 states ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but it every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus’

What happens when we dare to admit we don’t have the answers, that we’re not OK, that there’s a situation (or two) that we can’t handle on our own? “Oh Daddy!”

I once heard someone say that prayer was a cop out, that sometimes God needs help. I strongly disagree. We need help. God doesn’t. A friend sent me the following picture a couple of days ago

God doesn’t need help. But he chooses to listen. “Oh Daddy!”

A few years ago I came across a quote from Jim Graham which is an encouragement to pray. And on the first day of lent, at the start of the journey to Easter, I will stop and pray. I will lay down all those things that are running through my mind, all those concerns for things I can’t fix, all those situations that seem hopeless right now. I will give them to God in prayer, as the bible says, and I will find peace.

“Oh Daddy!”

40 day challenge: An introduction

A year ago I was challenging myself to spend 4 weeks on each of 6 different spiritual disciplines. I got something out of doing that, so I decided I’d do something similar this year – not giving anything up but using the time to refocus on God.

So, my challenge which I am setting myself is to write a post a day from Ash Wednesday until Easter. There will be a mixture of scripture based posts, looking at films or music, or just general observations. But, if I can find the discipline, there will be 40 of them. And they will all point to God in some way, shape or form. Because that is the reason for this blog, to show the reason I don’t give up, the reason I always have hope no matter what is going on. Its because I trust in God, that there is a bigger picture than I can see, that there is a longer term plan than I can comprehend.

That doesn’t mean I never ask questions, or that I accept and understand everything I see going on around me. It means that when I do ask questions, when I do see things that make no sense, I have something to fall back on to remind me to look up and to let go. When you read the bible you find a whole load of things that don’t make sense in isolation, but somehow things turn out alright in the end, the bigger picture is one of love and salvation. And the bible reminds me not to just look at now, but to put it in the context of eternity (which, if I’m honest, is something small brain struggles with…)

So as time draws closer to Easter, I am going to do what I can to focus on the fact that Jesus came and walked among us out of love, because he wanted to make a way for us to be with God in eternity. Will you walk with me?

Scattering the seed

There have been lots of changes for me recently. New job, new flat, and everything that goes with that. It was an overwhelming amount of change in one go. I felt a little lost and, if I’m being completely honest, a little inadequate in my new role.

But I also had the privilege of seeing what I’d left behind me, the impact that I’d had.

Jesus tells many parables, and one of the better known ones is the parable of the sower. It tells of a sower scattering seed on various types of ground. The seed that feel on the path got eaten by birds. The seed that fell in the weeds got strangled and couldn’t grow. The seed that fell among the rocks quickly sprung up but because there wasn’t enough soil for deep roots it also withered very quickly when the weather became harsh. The seed that fell where the soil was good and deep started to grow. Because there was enough soil it could develop deep roots to see it through the harsh weather.

Jesus explains that the seed in the story is like words we use. We are the sower. The different types of terrain where the soil lands are like the people we are teaching. Sometimes people will not have time to understand the teaching before it is snatched away. Others have too much going on in the rest of life, they are distracted by jobs/wealth/health/ or lack of, or are just more interested in other things. And others will hear for a little while but only when times are easy. They teaching won’t run deeply in them so when times get tough they will forget it and turn to other things. And then there are those like me, where the teaching takes root and leads to further learning and deeper roots.

But sometimes we are the sower. We are the ones scattering the seeds. In fact, we do that more than we know. I hadn’t consciously scattered seed in the place I have just left. Regardless, the way I acted, the way I spoke, the way I treated my colleagues, they were seeds scattered. It wasn’t in striving or working long hours. It was just by being me in the place I found myself.

It was in looking back and seeing that impact that I had a fresh revelation of God. No, I’m not perfect. No, I’m not indispensable. I am ordinary, wonderfully ordinary. And that’s the sort of person that God chooses to use to show his children that he loves them.

So where I am now, its OK to feel a little overwhelmed. Its OK not to be amazing at my job straight away. I just need to show them me, that’s all God asks me to do. I wonder how many other people need to be reminded of that?

Hunting for God: Final discipline – simplicity

Isn’t it strange how we can set out with the best of intentions and all the determination in the world and still get led astray? I set out to write a post a week while I explored some of the disciplines as written about by Jo Swinney and Richard Foster in their respective books (see previous posts for information) and, with a little flexibility, I was doing ok. Then right at the end I came unstuck… But although I didn’t write about it doesn’t mean I didn’t explore it in my life. In fact, this is the discipline I struggled with the most.

So, simplicity.

I thought I could live quite simply. I don’t have particularly expensive taste, I’m quite happy with basics. My shopping list must-haves are milk and eggs. Oh, and tea bags. But I can live without most ‘stuff’. I have it, but I don’t need it. I can lay aside my phone or my laptop, I don’t need to pick up a book. And can appreciate the quiet of outdoors without needing to fill the time or the silence.

But actually it’s quite hard to actually live simply, especially when the society I live in promotes the complete opposite. There always seems to be a call on our time, either working extra or spending time with friends and family. There’s always the latest thing to buy with adverts constantly inviting us to try out this or that new thing. And suddenly, I’m not living that simply anymore and I have to go back and lay things down. Strip back the electronics, sort through things and pass them onto to charity shops or others in need, re-evaluate and prioritise my use of time so that I can put God first again. And then the cycle starts again – the request to work an extra shift to help the team, the invite to spend time with friends, making time to watch the latest episode…

So I have been particularly challenged while exploring this discipline. I visited a very welcoming church in the south of England and they sang 2 very apt pieces that struck a chord in my heart. One was a hymn called Dear Lord and Father of Mankind. The third verse reminded me that Jesus always set aside time to spend in silence with God. In the midst of his ministry, he found that time. While travelling around with his friends, he still found time. And from that simple place of knowing God and knowing he was loved, Jesus lived his life. He didn’t miss out on anything, he got the job done, he built relationships with people everywhere he went and his friends followed him wherever he went.

The other piece that struck me was a musical setting of the prayer of St Richard, and it perfectly encapsulates what living simply means.

Day by day, dear Lord, of thee three things I pray: To see the more clearly, love thee more dearly and follow thee more nearly, day by day.

I definitely haven’t nailed this one yet, but in realising that I need to reorder and reevaluate my use of time and my view of the world, I think I can get better.

What about you? After exploring these disciplines, is there something for you to explore? Have you found God? Is God calling you deeper? What are you going to do next?

Hunting for God: Solitude 2/2

Solitude is more a state of mind and heart than it is a place.

Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

I had to start here, with this quote taken from Foster’s book. I had to share this revelation and discovery. Because just being alone and finding silence isn’t enough – that can just lead to loneliness, unhealthy thought patterns or distractions. Likewise, being around people all day, every day because of job/family doesn’t discount the ability to find solitude with God.

One of the things I love about God is how his timing works. Some would call it a coincidence, I choose to see God’s hand behind it. During this period of using Solitude to hunt for more of God, I have found myself in a situation that requires me to need that time alone with God, specifically to listen.

The discipline of solitude reminds me very much of Elijah and God. After Elijah has done and seen amazing things, he finds himself running for his life. He gets so far and can’t go on and says to God “I give up, I don’t want to live.”

So God feeds him, let’s him rest and guides him to a place where he is alone. Then God tells Elijah to watch for him. God sends a mighty wind, an earthquake, and fire. But God himself was not in those powerful forces. No, God was in the gentle whisper that followed.

In Foster’s book he points out that silence is important for practicing solitude, but that can be hard to achieve on a large scale. He talks about taking advantage of the ‘little solitudes’ – sitting in rush hour traffic, a few moments before a meal, upon seeing a flower or tree that catches our attention. Just finding moments as small as these can be used to reorient our lives and point back to God.

Then he talks about larger solitude, 3 or 4 times a year when we can take a few hours out to reorient our goals and inviting God into that.

Of all the disciplines I’ve explored, Solitude has been the one that is most about God and me. It’s been the one about finding comfort and guidance. It’s like a shield to take refuge behind when everyday life is overwhelming and a compass to guide the way for the next step.

Maybe that’s why solitude has struck me so much more than prayer or fasting, or any of the others. The others I all did to some extent before, but solitude I didn’t, or at least not consciously, not through choice. It was a completely new concept to intentionally seek silence to seek God. But it reminds me that it’s never too late to reorient ourselves to God.

Taken a wrong turn, made a wrong decision, wandered in the wrong direction? God is always there waiting to help, wanting to cheer you on and get you back on track. It’s one of those bible promises that is repeated – God will never leave you or forsake you. One of the best known parables is the one about the prodigal son. It follows the lost sheep and the lost coin. In each instance, something that has wandered away or been lost is found, and a party is thrown to celebrate.

OK, solitude and rowdy parties not quite the same, but it reminded me that I will never lose hope in God and his plan because I know that God will never give up on me. And as long as I can make space for God, God has never failed to meet me in that space.

So where ever you are at with God, whether a long term believer or a sceptic or somewhere in between my encouragement is to set aside half an hour with the expectancy of letting God speak to you. He only requires that you be willing to listen.

Hunting for God: Solitude

And… we’re back! Well I am. Back to hunting for a deeper relationship through what are lovingly called Spiritual Disciplines. And I guess they are disciplines because they need self-discipline to properly explore them. But I think I may have said before that they shouldn’t be strict or harsh – then they become religious exercises. They are things found in the bible which bring clarity from or closeness with God, and can usual be found in what Jesus did or taught. A lot would have been a part of culture at the time and means that modern society doesn’t necessarily lend itself to doing them in the same way today.

So, solitude! In a time and place where smartphones means we are easily contactable, where jobs can take up all our free time, where families and household chores can eat into our spare time and when we do find some free time it can be tempting to just curl up with a book(/movie/game/hobby…)

Solitude – in a time when lonliness affects a large percentage of society (at least in my country), especially students/young adults and the elderly, so is something to be avoided at all costs

Solitude – when finding silence is hard to do. When, even with streaming services and catch up, programmes like Gogglebox or Love Island demand that you are up-to-date, when sporting events require you to be in a specific place at a specific time or FOMO might hit.

Which brings me to solitude as a discipline I have been exploring. Jesus withdrew to a quiet place to experience some alone time with his Father, but he did it often. I found I had to quite intentionally plan time and then quite intentionally commit to actually following through and not getting distracted.

Within the last fortnight I had the opportunity to go on a sponsored 10 mile walk in the beautiful Surrey/Hampshire countryside. With in that walk there was time to talk to the people I was walking with, but also time where we would walk in silence and reflect/connect with God. And it was in that time that I realised how powerful solitude is as a discipline. It was in that time that I was reminded that God isn’t interested in comparing me to others on the journey (not just on the 10-mile walk journey but also the metaphorical journey that we all take otherwise known as life…), but God is interested in where I am on that journey spiritually, emotionally, mentally and yes, physically. I was also reminded that Jesus, while he did seek out alone time, also sought out time with friends, and when he was at his lowest moment he sought strength and companionship from his friends. And if that’s what Jesus modelled, it’s ok for me to do that too.

What I’ve also discovered is that silence, something I used to love then grew to avoid, is actually not scary. I can drive along without music playing. I can sit and not need to listen to music on Spotify (even if it is worship music – there’s a time for both). And actually, it doesn’t matter if I’m not completely up-to-date on the latest TV show – spoilers, while unfortunate, actually do no lasting damage. But setting aside time for God in solitude, to listen, maybe meditate a little on a scripture without studying it but just letting the truth of it really sink in has been good for me.

Too often I’m trying to keep up with everyone else. Too often I am comparing myself and finding myself falling short. Too often I’m trying to go alone and not share weaknesses with anyone. Guess what? That’s the opposite of what God wants. In Psalm 139, each of us is made unique. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane shares his weakness with God and calls on his friends for support.

And through setting aside time to spend in solitude with God, I was reminded of the good stuff I bring to the team. At work, I may not be the tidiest or most organised worker, but I will muck in and encourage others. What I bring to the team is just as valuable. And I was reminded that it is ok to ask for help – that doesn’t make me a burden to the people around me, it makes me human.

Solitude is hard to come by, and hard to keep up. But so far, in the small moments I have managed to work it into my diary, it has been a huge blessing to me in renewing myself and letting God speak. 2 more weeks, and I may have found a way to work it into my week (I’ll let you know, that’s gonna be the tricky bit!)

God equips the called

I was going to tag this on to the last post but as I was writing I felt it was important enough to deserve it’s own page. 6 weeks without posting, then twice in one day!

I have written before about how important my friends have been as I have learnt about having a relationship with God. I have said how much they have inspired and encouraged me and pointed me towards God, and they are part of the reason I have the conviction I have and can hold out hope for the future with God.

I have been reminded recently that our friends, no matter how well meaning can sometimes get things wrong. Sometimes what they see and how they communicate that hurts. But God is the true measure. Spending time learning to discern his voice means that when those comments land and hurt, we can turn to God. And if those comments make us start to doubt, we can trust in God to lead the way. People make mistakes, God doesn’t. People see the surface, God sees the heart. People see who we have been, God sees who we are, and who we will be. If in doubt, read Psalm 139. Better yet, spend some time talking to God and trusting that God will talk to you. Yes, God will sometimes need to point out behaviours we should grow out of, but God will also equip us to be able to do that. And sometimes God calls us to step out where others don’t think we should go. But remember God sees who we could be. Trust God to equip you to do what he has called you into. God doesn’t called the equipped, he equips the called.

Hunting for God: Worship 4 (a little late!)

So, I’m back! Got the final week of exploring worship to write about, so I’ll start there.

I had a really interesting conversation with a friend about what counts as a song of worship. There are a lot of Christian songs out there, but do they all count as worship songs? My friend made the distinction that some songs are songs of praise about God, some are songs of thankfulness about what God has done for us, but actual songs of worship are songs where the lyrics are directed to God. Worship songs are what we sing from our hearts to God, about who God is. They are songs of adoration.

It’s an interesting way of looking at things when picking songs for worship. It’s possible to get so tied up with knowing which songs are appropriate and which are self-indulgent rather than worshipful. My journey has taught me that in a sense, it doesn’t matter if the attitude of the heart is in the right place. Otherwise we risk it become a religious ritual that doesn’t help.

I’ve found, as always, when I find the time and space to look to God, God always meets me there. There you are, another reason (or maybe the same reason rehashed) why I have hope in God; when I stop in the middle of whatever stresses or problems I am in, turn to God and say “God, I know you are good because that is who you are,” I find a sense of peace I have come to recognise as God’s presence. When I come to a place of not trying to juggle things alone, a weight lifts from my shoulders. And when I don’t find the time to do that, I get overwhelmed and the people around me get a worse version of me. But God never lets me down and always welcomes me back.

Which brings me nicely onto the short break from posting. Some periods in life are busy, and the last month has been exactly that for me. Busy, intense, full-on, trying to keep too many people happy… Keeping hold of the good habits from previous disciplines has been hard without trying a new one! So I’m building back up again – intentional prayer time, making some time in a week to read the bible, planning in some times to fast in order to focus on God, and, of course, some time to worship and how to incorporate that into my day.

The next period is less busy, so I’m hoping to try at least one more discipline – the discipline of solitude.