40 day challenge day 11: what do I know about football?!

I once told a friend I could make a theological point based on anything. We then proceeded to have a theological discussion based on an odd sock…

However, I think I may have exaggerated. Because a different friend requested football in a post. I am not an avid follower of football, I much prefer playing sport to watching it. I know there are 2 teams who are trying to score a goal while defending their own. I know there are some serious rivalries between teams (growing up, it was a big deal whether you supported Portsmouth or Southampton…) I know a lot of young people join football teams or play it in the playground. I know that at games there is a sense of unity between fans, with spontaneous outbursts of songs, collective cheering and groaning and colour-coded clothing.

So, having shown off my ignorance, can I also write a post about football that links to God? I’ll let you decide that.

My sport of choice is badminton. I’ve been playing it since I was 6. I was part of a local club where I trained alongside others. I won, I lost, I fell over (a lot!) I got a few trophies for winning too. And when I progressed though the levels, I stayed and helped the younger players to train. I’d play in a way that would help them learn rather than win. And I’d encourage them. But I was much more of a player than a watcher.

Unless it was in a team match. Then I’d love to watch my team. I shout encouragement from the side and come alongside players when disappointment hit.

That’s something I can appreciate about football. Players cheering each other on and picking each other up, coaches on the side shouting and everyone striving for the same thing: a desire to win. And to get to that level, with football as with badminton, you have to practice basic skills and help each other out to get better. And when you don’t get it right, the coach/trainer is there telling you how to improve, pushing you to do better all the time. Well, the good ones do anyway.

And that’s a good analogy for God. If your a player on the field, God is right alongside shouting encouragement and advice. And when you get it doesn’t go your way, God has your back. And Christians, just like footballers, need to practice basic skills. (Unlike footballers, the practice isn’t in private – practice for Christians is everyday life and everyone sees when you get it wrong…) And just like a coach, God knows when you can do better and encourages/pushes/demands more. Not because it’s not good enough, but because you can do better.

And like on a football pitch where there is a team of players with the same aim working together, there are fellow Christians that should be working together too. Each with their own role and own skills and strengths, working together to get the best out of each other and win. Unlike football, Christians don’t win points or trophies, but they might be able to win hearts, and there is a promised goal of everlasting life to aim for.

OK, maybe pushing the analogy too much. But Jesus is like the coach who has been there, done that and know is passing on experience to us. He will defend us, but he will also push us to do better when he knows we can. And he wants as many people on the team as possible. I’m on Jesus’ team, and I’m playing to win.

40 day challenge day 10: Waiting on a miracle

OK, last day in Encanto (please keep cheering to a minimum, some people like Disney…)

Now we reach the main character, Mirabel herself. Mirabel wasn’t blessed with a gift when she became the right age. She doesn’t have a room of her own. At the beginning of the film we see her introduce her whole family and declare she is part of the Madrigal family so she is special too. One of the children asks if her gift is being in denial. We see as she tries to help make the party for her cousin special. She makes special decorations, and it’s Mirabel that finds Antonio and walks him to his door to receive his gift.

And then there is a heartbreaking moment, after Antonio gets his gift (‘a gift as special as he is’) when Abuela calls the Family Madrigal together for a photo. And Mirabel gets left out. This is her breaking point. She sings ‘Waiting on a Miracle’. Its a very poignant moment . She walks unseen around her family (it’s Disney…) She starts at that place of denial, telling herself not to be upset, that’s she’s fine to stand on the side whe everyone else shines. Then she breaks. She’s not fine. She can’t do what the rest of her family can, constantly comparing herself to them. But she’s also at the point where she can’t hide how she’s feeling anymore. You can almost feel the conflict of wanting to show a happy face, feeling that she’s blessed enough to be part of the Family Madrigal, but also wanting more, wanting to shine like the rest of her family, wanting to be seen and be able to serve like the rest of the family. She lists what she would do, if only she could have a miracle too. And she ends singing sadly ‘am I too late for a miracle?’

Can you relate to her? Perhaps you’ve got siblings/parents/cousins who you think are amazing and you don’t compare to them. Maybe you think you need to hide how you’re feeling so you don’t seem ungrateful. Maybe there’s things you want to do but you’re waiting for something to happen first, something that will make that possible. Maybe you just feel unseen and invalid, like your getting in the way more than you are being of use.

But here’s the thing. Mirabel is the one that gives Antonio the courage to walk through the crowd to get his gift. Mirabel is the one who Luisa opens up to when she is feeling the pressure. Mirabel is the one who finds Bruno and talks him into helping. Mirabel is the one who encourages Isabella to try something new. Mirabel is the one who notices that the house is breaking, and the one who saves the candle that symbolises the miracle. Mirabel is exactly who is needed for the family to flourish, exactly as she is.

We could all do with a Mirabel in our lives – someone who will take the time to come alongside us and encourage us, someone to listen, someone to help us reach out potential. Maybe you are someone’s Mirabel!

We don’t need to wait for ‘a miracle’ to start acting on those deepest desires and dreams. We may need a little help along the way, but we can make that first step ourselves. And yes, you may be from an amazing family, but that doesn’t make you any less loved or amazing yourself. You are different from your family, so comparison is pointless and unhelpful. And hiding away deeply unhappy feelings just to keep the people around you happy? We’ve already looked at feelings, and it’s not right to push them down and ignore them. It’s OK to admit when your not feeling great because then you can do something about it.

So here’s the God bit: God made everyone unique and doesn’t compare, so neither should we. You have been blessed with gifts that are right for you, for your life. And you will be able to use them. You are enough, as you are. What you bring to the table is valued. Don’t try to be another person or fill another’s shoes, just do you, your way. And that is good enough.

Sometimes you won’t see the effect you have straight away. Mirabel didn’t see how special she was until the end of the film after she had saved the miracle. And that didn’t happen until after she thought she had failed. Don’t give up just because you can’t see the good stuff you bring. God can see it. And the people around you can see it.

And don’t wait on a miracle before acting on your dream. Have the courage to act on it (wisely). Because you can find hundreds of excuses to not step out but then you won’t be happy. But take that first step and who knows where you’ll go. Mirabel did. And she saved her family. (And Peter did when he stepped out of the boat to walk to Jesus. On the water. Step first, the miracle will follow if needed)

OK, that’s it for Encanto. But, for a Disney movie, it’s incredibly relatable to some of the things we face everyday. Which also means it’s got some good lessons we can take away from it. And from a Christian perspective, Jesus sacrificed himself for us and we did get a blessing and a miracle. And that’s on God. We don’t have to earn it. We can’t earn it. But God gives it anyway. Just know that you are loved and you can’t escape that, because God’s love is unconditional. Don’t give up, don’t count yourself out, and don’t wait for permission to be amazing. Just keep being who you were made to be. Because God doesn’t make mistakes

40 day challenge day 9: We need to talk about Bruno…

OK, so if you haven’t seen Encanto, that title is very random! But I can’t put him off any longer.

Bruno is Abuela’s son and Mirabel’s uncle. He is absent for the first half of the film. His gift is having visions of the future. People don’t always want to hear his visions.

Bruno loves his family dearly, and he doesn’t think his gift is helping his family or the town. In fact, he gets a reputation of making bad things happen. So he leaves, he disappears.

Bruno thinks his family are better off with him out of the picture. But he so wants to belong. He ends up living in the secret passages, so no one sees him but he still sees his family. He has a song (which is the one that gets stuck in your head) called ‘We don’t talk about Bruno’ where the family outline all the scary and bad things about Bruno. That’s the reputation he has. That’s the reason he disappears. Shame, guilt, fear… He counts himself out thinking he has nothing to offer, thinking his gift is hurting his family. But we also see that he loves his family, we see he cares as he patches up the cracks, we see his has a sense of humour. He is so much more than the visions he has. And when Mirabel needs help, he comes to her aid.

I wonder if we ever count ourselves out? Do we ever think that what we bring to the table isn’t good enough, that it does more harm than good? Are we ever so ashamed that all we want to do is run away? Because that’s what I see in Bruno. I see a good person who let’s the words of others shape the way he views himself to the point of thinking he’s not a good person.

And I think that’s also very real. We can let the words of others affect the way we view ourselves to the point that we carry labels, which leads to shame and counting ourselves out sometimes.

But just like Bruno is not a bad person, neither are we. Bruno is more than the visions. He is a son/brother/uncle, a joker, a caretaker. He’s also misunderstood. And when it matters, he’s the one that tries to speak up for Mirabel, even though he has been in hiding for years. He puts her needs before his own fears. He’s brave.

We are more than the labels we’ve been given. Often, they are given by people who only see part of the story. When God is choosing a king for his people (1 Samuel 16 if you want to check it out) he doesn’t look at the outward or the obvious, he looks at the heart. Labels given by people don’t need to stick because they are not the truth. They are someone’s perception, but they do not define us. If in doubt, read psalm 139. God does know you. All of you. And he loves you. It’s not conditional. The only label he gives is a label of identity. He calls you child (1 John 3).

Don’t let shame or fear or the opinions of others stop you from believing that truth. When Bruno came out of hiding his family was just glad to have him back. God does not want you to hide, he wants you back in the family (parable of the prodigal son). You just need to come out of hiding, he’ll do the rest.

40 day challenge day 8: Control

Woops, late post today. But it is still today and not tomorrow, so it still counts! (It just might make a little less sense than usual…)

OK, we’re not done with Encanto (recap is on day 5). But today’s character doesn’t have her own song. Or she doesn’t have a song specifically about her. She is one of Abuela’s daughters, and Mirabel’s aunt, Pepa. Her gift is that her mood affects the weather.

Ah, obvious problem. What happens when she has a bad day? The town gets wet. What happens when she has a really bad day? Batten down the hatches, there’s a storm coming! So Pepa always has to be in control of how she is feeling. That’s a lot of pressure. But she tries so hard to keep thinking ‘clear skies’ in order to keep life comfortable for the people around her. She doesn’t always succeed, but she always tries. She knows that if she loses control of how she feels it will affect those around her, those she loves. So she tries to push down bad feelings. Except that just makes them build up and build up and eventually explode into something worse (hurricane, anyone?)

OK, so I’m reading a lot between the lines for this character. This may not all be accurate for Pepa. But I think it can be accurate for a lot of real people to some extent. We can sometimes think we need to be in control – of emotions, of circumstances… In fact, being out of control can seem very scary. So we can try to control as much as we can. Has that ever been you?

But sticking with the emotion thing, it can be simar for us as with Pepa – maybe not literally creating a storm with wind and rain, but by pushing down and ignoring emotions because we don’t want to lose control because we don’t want to hurt the people around us, actually puts us in a much worse position. It does make the eventual (and inevitable) storm much worse. Its OK to reach out and ask for help.

Right, this blog is about pointing to God, so here’s my bible backing for this: Jesus never ran away from what he was feeling. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he cries out to God in grief and fear, and he asks his friends to keep him company. After his cousin is killed he takes time away to grieve. When the temple is being used in a way that stops people from coming to God, he gets angry. And I mean really angry! (Over turned tables, scattered coins, uncaged birds… chaos!)

The point is, we were made with emotions so we have to deal with them. If we try to bury them, we are blocking off a part of ourselves. And God doesn’t want part of us, he wants all of us. The good and the bad, the pretty bits and the ugly bits, the happy days and the sad days. Because God wants a true and honest relationship.

So sometimes it’s OK to relax control a little bit. Pepa did, and instead of dark storms, you could find her dancing in the rain. We don’t need to be in control, God is in control. Sometimes, all we need to do is let the rain fall.

40 day challenge day 7: Being perfect (or not)

Sticking with the theme (yes, I have too much time on my hands and have probably seen this film too many time), Encanto strikes again. Today, Mirabel’s other sister. Need context? Read the post from day 5 (and day 6…)

Isabella’s gift is to create flowers and beautiful things. In the introduction song, she’s called the ‘perfect golden child’. She is the one everyone loves, she is beautiful and graceful. She is the one due to get engaged and secure the future of the Family Madrigal. On the surface, she has the perfect life – everyone loves her and she brings joy to the people around her with the flowers and bouquets.

However, there is a scene where Mirabel is meant to give her a hug to save the miracle. Its at that point we find out the pressure Isabella is under. She can’t be honest about her feelings because everyone expects her to be graceful and calm. She can’t be honest with her Abuela who wants her to marry someone from the village because she doesn’t want to disappoint her. She isn’t free to be who she wants or do what she wants. She has to be perfect for her family.

Perfectionism (self imposed or family expectation) and people pleasing. Two more things that can act as barriers to a relationship with God. When we let the opinions of others dictate our actions, we lose sight of God’s vision. If we try to please everyone, we’ll… Speaking from experience, it doesn’t work. It’s just exhausting and not possible. Trying to keep everyone else happy often leads to burn out and not being happy yourself.

Trying to be perfect leads to a fear of getting it wrong. A fear of getting it wrong leads to not taking risks or trying new things. Jesus tells a parable of three servants given some money while he goes away. 2 invest the money and risks losing it, but end up making more. The other is scared of losing the money so buries it to keep it safe. He ends up losing the little he has when the master returns, while the other two are entrusted with more.

Isabella gets her own song, and one of the lines is “what could I do if I just knew it didn’t need to be perfect?” How about us? What could we do if we didn’t have the pressure of needing to be perfect? What could we do if we knew we were already good enough, if we knew God didn’t need us to work hard to please him but loved us anyway?

And that’s the thing, so often we treat God’s opinion of us like that of the people around us – something that needs to be earned and could be lost if we don’t measure up. God never states that. Ever. His love is not conditional. In fact God encourages us to try new things, to step out and take risks. He won’t abandon us at the first sign of a mistake, and he forgives all who say sorry (and mean it). We can’t measure him by the people around us.

So being secure in that knowledge, that you are loved and forgiven, what do you dare to try?

40 day challenge day 6: Pressure

Encanto, day 2. What else can be a barrier to a close relationship with God? Enter Luisa, Mirabel’s oldest sister. (If you need a catch up on what I’m talking about, read yesterday’s post and/or watch Encanto.)

Luisa’s gift is being super strong. She can fix leaning houses, redirect a river, carry multiple donkeys and is just generally expected to be strong enough to fix everything. She gets her own song, ‘Surface Pressure’.

She’s interesting because there are different angles here. There’s the need to always be strong and never show a weakness because that’s what others expectations are, and she doesn’t want to disappoint or let people down. There’s having her whole worth based on the work she does. And, of course, the need to live up to the uigh standards that Abua sets (I told you, read previous post!)

In her song, as she is finally being honest with someone about how she is feeling, she actually sings the line, ‘I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.’ Relate to that, anyone?

But then she also sings, ‘if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations would that free some room for joy or relaxation or simple pleasure?’

I know I can get focused on my worth being caught up in my work. The problem with that is when work doesn’t go as planned or disappointment hits, my self-worth is affected too. I also know that, in order to ‘protect’ the people I love, I can hide the stress and pressure (I’m better at that one than I used to be!)

And Luisa is right, if we shake the weight of what others expect of and from us, there’s more room for joy and simple pleasures. John 10:10, Jesus says ‘I came that they might have life, and have it to the full.’ Yes, we have to work, but that does not determine our worth or our identity. God does not put pressure on us to get results. God doesn’t need us to hide the stress and weakness from him.

We are children of God, and the more we focus on work and in being strong, the less room there is for that truth to take root. Next time I have a bad day, I’ll need to remember that I am still God’s child. And the next time I’m feeling under so much pressure I might break, I don’t need to go through that alone either. God listens when I pray honestly. Oh, and I might have one or two friends to come alongside me too…

40 day challenge day 5: You can’t earn it

I wonder if you’ve seen the latest Disney film, Encanto? It’s a dream for children’s work. The story has a great message, the characters are relatable and the development for each are things that children can take on board and learn from. In fact, not just the children. That’s why it’s made its way into this challenge.

Sometimes there are things that get in the way of us focusing on God. We can get blocked by needing to be perfect or strong, or feeling like we need to do something to earn God’s love. Sometimes fear and shame can be a barrier, or comparison or needing to be in control. There are, of course, other things that can form mental barriers, but these are the ones I’ve come across in Encanto. There’s a lot in that list and I’ve still got 35 days to fill, so I’ll spread them out.

Fair warning, if you haven’t seen Encanto yet there will probably be some spoilers coming up. It’s worth a watch. I love it. I think it’s good enough to watch even if you’re not a fan of singing and dancing Disney films. But I’m a little biased.

OK, basic premise: Mirabel is part of the family Madrigal, a family who have special gifts to help those around them (and a magic house) thanks to a miracle. The miracle found Abuela (the grandmother and head of the family) after her husband sacrificed himself to save the village from invaders. Abuela has 3 children and 6 grandchildren and all have a gift except for Mirabel. The film follows Mirabel as the magic starts to fade and she sets out to ‘save the miracle’ and her family despite not having a special gift like the rest of the family. Good film, bad summary. Just go watch it!

For the first in the ‘Encanto’ series, I wanted to look at Abuela. Her husband sacrificed himself out of love and compassion (see the link?), and Abuela gets a miracle which she uses to bless the rest of the village. That’s good, right? Early in the bible, Abraham is blessed in order to be a blessing to others, not to selfishly hoard it to himself.

Except, in the opening song it’s clear to me that Abuela has missed the point.

We swear to always help those around us and earn the miracle that somehow found us

The town keeps growing and the world keeps turning

But work and dedication will keep the miracle burning

And each new generation must keep the miracle burning

Abuela’s husband sacrificed himself, nothing could possibly repay that. It was a gift, not something to be earned through ‘work and dedication’. We see throughout the film Abuela putting pressure on the family to be perfect and strong, and to always put the needs of others first. But the problem with that way of thinking is that no-one in her family will ever be able to meet those expectations, especially not Mirabel without a gift.

The things (in my opinion) that drive Abuela are fear of losing more (she lost her home and her husband already), and a need to earn the sacrifice and subsequent gift.

As I look towards Easter and remember the sacrifice Jesus made for me (and you…), I need to look at how I receive that. Do I try to work hard in order to feel like I’ve earned that? Because if I do, I’m gonna lose that everything. I can never earn that gift. Or am I trying to hold on to what I’ve found, hold onto God and that belonging because if I don’t measure up I’ll get kicked out of the club? Again, I will always fall short, and every time I mess up I’m going to fall into a spiral of beating myself up before daring to crawl back to God.

The thing is, it’s all about grace and love. Abuela learns that the miracle isn’t the gifts (or the magic house), the miracle is the family around her. And I need to learn and relearn that I don’t have to and could never earn my way into God’s family, and mistakes don’t get us thrown out of God’s family. I need to learn the accept that gift and to trust in God’s grace. Because I’m fairly sure I count myself out quicker than God does. In fact I’m sure of it. Throughout the bible we see God reaching out to people who get it wrong and mess up. I’m not so special as to be the one he doesn’t reach out to.

So I need to silence the Abuela voice inside and listen to the Mirabel voice, the one telling me to push boundaries, be human and have fun. God didn’t set us up to fail, he came to save us.

40 day challenge day 4: Be Still

It’s Saturday. The weekend. I’ve got no work due today. So that means it’s time to do my washing and hoovering and…

No. Thats not right. It is so easy to be busy. But sometimes we need to clear the busyness away. We were not designed to work non stop. Jesus says as much (Mark’s gospel chapter 2). He says the sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath. A day of rest is not a luxury, or it shouldn’t be. It’s a gift, yes, because we need it.

Psalm 23 says ‘The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want: he makes me lie in green pastures” An interesting take, when a shepherd makes a sheep lie down, its not easy and gentle… (or so I’m told, never worked with sheep myself!)

Psalm 46 says ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ It’s in the stillness with no distractions that I can focus on God. I have that verse hanging on my wall (and yet still I seem to forget).

Just at the moment, I can’t do very much. I’ve been very good at filling my time with distractions and fitting God in around if I can. (In the last couple of weeks I have got better, but only with the help of friends). So it almost feels like I have been made to ‘lie down’ (not sure about the green pastures…) I am not able to fill all my time with distractions. I can’t run from God (which was part of the reason why I’m doing this challenge!)

I realised today I’m not great at just sitting. I’m not great at just being. I need to be doing. And when that gets taken away (if only temporarily) what am I left with?

Oh, right… God. Because what I can manage right now is prayer. I can manage listening to music. And I can manage to read the bible (other books are available, but that’s a good one!)

So I have been doing just that. Being still and remembering God is in control. He doesn’t need me. He was there before me, and he will be there after me. But right now, he doesn’t need me. But he wants me. And I don’t know how I can explain that feeling to someone who doesn’t believe, who doesn’t know God yet. But to those who do, you can understand. That extra voice in your head, the words spoken by a stranger that are what you need to hear, the actions of a friend, or just the feeling of being known, loved, seen and heard when I’m alone.

Give it a go. Take some time out to be still. See where God meets you. If it helps, there are a couple of songs below that I used today.

40 day challenge day 3: Worthy of it all

Forgive me, this is a short post, possibly a bit of random rambling. I’m not feeling 100%, so I’m just sharing a moment when I met God today.

I had an interesting kind of day today. It involved preparing for an event that we have subsequently had to cancel. But while I was merrily painting an ark and sorting out googly eyes (did I mention I do kids work?!) I got a song stuck in my head. So while I was alone in the office, preparing, I started singing too. Not gonna lie, it didn’t sound great (something akin to a honking goose…) but there wasn’t anyone around to judge it so I didn’t stop.

Often, earworms (yes, that’s the technical term) are annoying songs, and working with children or watching Disney leads to many earworms that are often small snippets and are just generally annoying.

But this one was a worship song. It’s called Worthy of it All. So while I was crawling on the floor and mixing the right shade of brown, I was also very much focusing on God.

The lyrics say everything that needs to be said:

You are worthy of it all

You are worthy of it all

For from you are all things and to you are all things.

You deserve the glory

Day and night, night and day

Let incence arise

There’s a little more to the song than that, but this is what I was happily singing while painting. And I don’t need to explain much more. God is good all the time, no matter what we see happening. And through what I’ve seen and experienced, the ways I’ve seen God’s provision for me, I want to worship and praise him.

So yes, today I was on my knees, covered in paint singing and praising God who I believe is worthy and awesome, and I don’t care who saw me. Because God doesn’t need us to look great or sound fab, he just wants to be with us in our everyday things.

(I couldn’t find a version of this song on YouTube I loved – I prefer more acoustic versions, but this one is pretty good. I’m sure some will love this version.)

40 day challenge day 2: The wrong direction

Reading back through some previous posts, it almost reads like I’ve got it sorted, this walking with God thing, (I don’t) like I never waver (I do).

My favourite stand alone film which I come back to time and again as a ‘feel-good’ film is The Frisco Kid. I may have posted about it before. Its about a Polish Rabbi called Avram who travels to America. He is due to take up a post as a Rabbi in San Francisco but finds himself stranded in New York. The film is about the adventures he has as he travels across America by land. He encounters Amish, Native Americans, silent monks and those who want to take advantage of his trusting nature. He learns a lot about himself and how being a Rabbi is more than knowing the Torah. As he travels he meets a cowboy called Tommy who manages to keep him travelling to San Francisco (rather than Mexico – his sense of direction wasn’t great!)

Apart from being a film that makes me laugh, it also has a good message about going on journeys in life. At the end of the film, Tommy and Avram are having dinner before Avram becomes the Rabbi. Except he is having second thoughts. He made a couple of bad decisions and starts doubting his ability to be a real Rabbi. And it is Tommy, the one who doesn’t stick by the rules, who speaks sense.

Avram: Tommy, I am not a rabbi.

Tommy: Don’t say that! You are a rabbi. I’m a bank robber. I’m a card player. I’m a whoremonger. That’s what I am. You are a rabbi. You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass, you can travel in the wrong direction. Jut even on your ass, even in the mud, even if you go in the wrong direction for a little while, you’re still a rabbi! That’s what you are!

It takes someone looking from the outside, at the whole picture, to see past the mistakes that are all Avram can see. Tommy has travelled across America with him and has seen his actions and his character.

And I love that phrase “travel in the wrong direction for a little while.” It is never too late to change direction and get back on course.

What does this have to do with lent and focusing on God? I have travelled in the wrong direction, I have slipped in the mud, I have stumbled and fallen. My walk with God has not been smooth. But through it all God has been there.

There’s a verse in Isaiah that says ‘whether you turn to the right or the left your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “this is the way, walk in it”‘. Psalm 139 says ‘Where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your presence?’. Jeremiah 31: 3 says ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’

Even at those moments when I wanted to walk away, God followed. At those points where I drifted, God called me back. When I slipped and tripped, when I looked foolish, God never left and never stopped loving me. He could see past the mistakes I thought counted me out, because he has walked the whole journey with me. He knows me better than anyone else.

So I am reminding myself to lay aside the things I think count me out. I am reminding myself that it’s God’s grace that matters. It’s nothing I have done, it is all on God. What I do, the direction I go in, it doesn’t change who I am. And it’s never too late to turn back to him.

So no, I don’t have it sorted. But God does. He always has arms open to welcome his children back. This journey to lent, 40 days of pointing to God, they are me keeping my gaze on God. Because God’s never taken his eyes off of me. That gives me reason to hope.