It’s ok to change your mind

I wonder what the best piece of advice you’ve ever received is. For me, without a doubt, it was a college tutor telling the tutor group that it’s always ok to change your mind. You can think one thing today and then learn something new, or experience something which impacts you, or meet someone who changes the way you view things. And that’s alright. Just because one day you said your favourite food was bacon doesn’t mean that your favourite food has to be bacon for the rest of your life!

Ok, that’s a flippant example, but the same thing applies for careers, politics, opinions, beliefs… In fact, there are very few decisions that are set in stone. I did a degree in music, volunteered for a church and now work in tourism. My favourite fruit used to be watermelon, now I prefer blackberries. Over time, I have also changed my mind on more political topics.

The point is, no matter what decisions we make we are rarely truly stuck. There is always hope. If you don’t like where you are going, you can change your mind. Sometimes opinions or decisions are right for one season, but not for the next. (By season, I mean christian-ese for a period in our life often defined by a trend in emotions or a pattern of occurrences. Often used ‘seasons’ include season of waiting, season of growing, season of letting go.) Seasons are a helpful analogy though, because just like the seasons in the year, they change. Maybe the changes are subtle, maybe they are huge. Maybe the change is gradual or maybe it’s sudden. But seasons change, and with them we can change our minds.

Better yet, their is a biblical precedent for it. Over the next three posts I’m going to visit three bible characters that prove to me that it’s ok to change your mind.

The first character is Peter. The impulsive disciple. Started out as a fisherman. That’s what he was trained as, that was his career. Then some radical guy from Nazareth came along and said “Follow me and I’ll make you a fisher of men”. And so Peter changed his mind. He wouldn’t follow the family business that he had trained for. He would follow this new opportunity that had come up. I bet when he was learning how to fish he never imagined the opportunity would come to leave the nets behind and travel with a guy who would heal and drive out demons, or that he would become a spokesman for the early church! But the point is he didn’t remain stuck in a job, he didn’t take the safe route. He changed his mind.

Not sold? Ok, how about at the last supper. Jesus kneels to wash his feet. Peter is shocked (slaves washed feet, not respected teachers). He refuses. Jesus says “if you won’t let me wash your feet, you have no place with me”. Peter changes his mind. “Ok, then wash all of me!” Oh, Peter! Quite an extreme change of mind. But Jesus replies “If you’ve had a bath you are already clean, only your feet need washing” (Ok, there’s a spiritual level to the exchange too, and I have paraphrased, but you get the idea.) And Peter changes his mind and submits. Always open to correction, Peter knows he can change his mind around Jesus and Jesus will accept it.

Let’s go for one more example. Jesus has died, risen and ascended. Peter is know sharing the news among the Jews. Then he gets a dream. In the dream, there is a large sheet lowered from heaven covered in animals that were considered unclean and not edible in Jewish culture. A voice urges Peter to kill and eat from the sheet. In the vision, Peter refuses, saying he has never eaten anything impure or unclean. The voice then says “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean”. The sheet returns to heaven and Peter is sent to preach to the Gentiles, because God had taught him not to call anything impure which God had made clean, and the God had spoken to these men too even though they weren’t Jews. And Peter doesn’t say “I’m sorry, I’ve only ever teach Jews.” Instead he says “God has just taught me not to call impure what he has made clean” and started to teach them about Jesus. And those men were annointed and believed in Jesus. Again, Peter changes his mind, this time based on learning something new.

So you see, changing your mind on opinions is biblical. Saying something then changing your mind is biblical. Deciding to change career and try something new is biblical. We are never stuck by where our past has put us. There is always hope for the future. And the best bit is we never know what’s round the corner! Sometimes, we just have to know it’s ok to change your mind.

Being Boromir

It’s been a few weeks. A lot has happened. The country has started moving again. Who knows what comes next? For this post I’m going to move away from the bible. But there is still a message of hope!

If you haven’t seen The Lord of the Rings: The Extended Edition, fair warning: SPOILER ALERT!

I have a brain that loves pictures and imagination. I can watch a film or read a book and find something in it I can use to talk about God and us. And LOTR has so much wisdom to it among the many battles that it’s a little treasure trove.

I grew up with LOTR. That and Star Wars always seemed to be on the TV (and Jurassic Park, but not as big a fan of that one).

I’ve been wanting to rewatch the films for ages but haven’t been able to justify the time. Now, however…

They are epic films on so many levels. The music, the scenery, the adventure, the quotes, the characters. I think the only thing I can fault in the films is American actors occasionally letting their English accent slip, and as accents are not one of my gifts it doesn’t bother me too much. (Note here, I haven’t actually read the books all the way through. I usually get stuck at the council meeting).

I could talk for hours about the number of quotes in these films. There are quotes to give hope, quotes to inspire and plenty of quotes to add humour to your day. (There’s a great one about potatoes…)

But I wanted to focus instead on the characters. There are such a range of characters in the films. Each has strengths and weaknesses, and each goes on their own adventure which isn’t necessarily the main one in the plot. It’s a bit like life if you think about it. Each of us has our own part to play in the narrative, even if it’s not the one we thought when we started out, and sometimes it’s not until we look back that we can see how important it was.

More than that, because of the range of characters in the plot, you may find you can identify with one of the characters. Or maybe you know people in real life who are very similar to the characters in the story. I am undoubtedly Pippin: naïve yet brave, good intentioned but also impulsive. And I’m quite short…

Saying that, I was struck by Boromir this time. I’ve always had a soft spot for Boromir. Maybe it has something to do with him being played by Sean Bean who I believe is one of the best actors around. But I grew up thinking Boromir wasn’t someone to aspire to be like. (Here come the spoilers)

Boromir is angry and disrespectful in the council meeting (we must all have experienced someone who knows best in our staff meetings!) He is constantly tempted by the ring and near the end even attacks the hero (Frodo) to try and take the ring from him. He is also the only one of the fellowship not given a gift in Lothlorien and who doesn’t survive the quest.

However, at a closer look there are certain qualities that we could aspire to. He is driven, in part, by a deep compassion for his people. He wants to use the ring as a weapon in order to save the lives of the people of Gondor. When he is outvoted, he joins the fellowship and fights bravely every time he is called upon. During the journey, he is the one who takes the time to teach Merry and Pippin to fight (well, tries to!) After the journey through the mines he is the one calling on the others to give the hobbits time to grieve for their friend. Time and again, you see compassion in these little moments.

Yes, he seems to continually talk about taking a detour via Gondor, but we also later learn that he has a very pushy father. Can anyone relate to that?

And yes, he does give in to temptation and attempt to take the ring by force. But we see almost immediate remorse when he realises what he has done. And he doesn’t give up. He could have run away in shame. Instead he stays and fights against overwhelming odds, singlehandedly fighting to protect the two members of the fellowship who are probably worth the least and are (logically at least) the most expendable. He makes some bad choices, but he is honourable and kind. And his determination to protect these two hobbits who are so far from home leads him to one of the most heroic death scenes out there (in my opinion).

But more than that. He is dying, and the first thing he tells Aragorn is that they ‘took the little ones’. Still trying to save people. And then he asks after Frodo and admits what he has done. He doesn’t hide it as a secret and take it to the grave, he brings it into the light.

Next to Aragorn, it is easy to view Boromir as lesser. Aragorn is humble, gentle and wise. But he is not perfect either. I think there is a lot we can learn from Boromir:

  • Making a mistake doesn’t stop us from being a hero in our own and/or someone else’s story.
  • No one is too small or unimportant to be worth fighting for and saving
  • And when we do make a mistake, when we do give in to temptation, the best thing to do is to bring it into the light. Find someone we trust and tell them. Boromir dies in peace in the end, because he has nothing to hide and because Aragorn listens and doesn’t judge. Is there something today that is causing you to feel ashamed? Be wise in who you tell, but bring it into the light. Share it with God and with someone you trust and respect.

Life… finds a way

Any Jurassic Park fans out there? This quote, from the very first film way back in 1993, shows Dr Malcolm’s cynicism at the scientists being able to control the dinosaur population. It is his suggestion that, despite all the measures they have put in place life isn’t meant to be contained and controlled in such a way. Life will find a way to freedom.

Jump back to the Old Testament and the story of Daniel. Whilst in exile, Daniel is faithful to God. The law of the land said that he couldn’t pray or worship God, but he remained to true to what he believed. Rules were imposed and the Jewish faith should have faded away. But God finds a way. Through Daniel and other individuals remaining faithful, through miracles, despite the constraints, God finds a way.

Jump forward to Acts, where Christians are being persecuted. But people like Peter remained faithful and continued to preach about Jesus. Jesus himself meets Saul on the road and transforms him into one of the key figures credited with spreading the gospel in Europe. Christianity should have been killed off, worshiping gods, although allowed, was only allowed if one of those gods was the Roman Emperor. But because of the faithfulness of those who believed, the church thrived in persecution and many were healed and blessed, and came to believe in God.

Jump to today. Over the last few years I have been in a small church based in an estate that is not hugely rich. As numbers worshiping with us on a Sunday have aged and dwindled, we have been hugely blessed by faithful volunteers coming alongside us to reach out to our local community. A humble little church doing all it can with faithful friends acting out of love to meet the needs we can in our local community. For the last 4 years, we have even managed to run a holiday club to bless the local children with fun, games, crafts and tell them about our faith. Each year it has grown a little, and we have become a little more ambitious. And each year, despite some trials, God has faithfully sent enough volunteers to make it happen, and children and families for us to bless.

This year, we planned early so it would be amazing, building on the success of last year. And then, in the UK in March 2020, lock-down hit. We kept planning just in case restrictions were eased and we could run, but come July and the team involved decided we wouldn’t be able to run a physical holiday club. But we didn’t give up.

We just happened to have on the team a couple of people with expertise in filming and video editing. And we just happened to have some enthusiastic people willing to give up their time. And so, we decided to take our message online. But more than that, we decided we could also provide something physical for families in the form of craft packs each day. So we adapted, remaining faithful to what we believed God wanted us to do for the area.

And then it grew. And it wasn’t just one small area we were able to offer the craft packs to, it was 4 whole post codes. And it wasn’t just a handful of families, but 100 children. And more than that, the online content could (and has been) shared beyond that. At the time of writing, I am told that there are people signed up to access the online content on 3 continents.

I say this not to show off, but because I am feeling hugely humbled. This team is fantastic and have come behind a vision to love and bless people first, and to share our faith with them as we do that. But, lets face it, this shouldn’t work. Our team just happened to have the enough people in the right place, and we just happened to find the funds to make this possible, and we just happened to been given access to somewhere we could do filming, and we just happened to be able to fit a filming schedule in around what the team was doing, and we just happened to have the time to organise and put this together in about a month, and we just happened to be able to get the equipment for the craft packs delivered in time to be made up… The list goes on. It could be a series of coincidences. It could be a run of good fortune.

But then you put it in the context I outlined first, how in difficult circumstances God finds a way to continue to share how much He loves people, how God uses faithful people to spread His blessing. And this team I am part of are not the only ones. I hear stories of others finding new ways to share the message, and more people people being reached than they ever expected. And that’s why I hold onto my hope in God. Because when the way ahead looks blocked, God does more than I could ever have expected. God’s love cannot be contained. It does not belong in a building, but freely flows to the people He created. It cannot be constrained by rules, but finds its own way grow.

God… finds a way.

Don’t count sheep!

Have you ever seen White Christmas? I was fortunate enough to see it on the West End with Aled Jones and Tom Chambers, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Fantastic talent and a brilliant story-line. But there was one song that stuck with me long after I left the theatre (and no, I don’t mean White Christmas!)

I don’t want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn’t seen it, so I’ll try and be a little vague. There is a young girl in the play who in one particular scene can’t sleep because she is worried about a lot of things. The main character sings her a lullabye called Count your blessings (instead of sheep). The idea behind it is so simple and so profound, I used it as a basis for a new prayer habit.

As I read the news, scroll through social media or listen to the people around me, there is an awful lot of uncertainty about what is coming next. Some people are concerned about job security and money, some have fears about health. For some, the idea of having to leave the house is proving a cause for worry after months of staying inside. Whatever your situation is, whatever is causing you worry and concern, I don’t want to diminish that. But I have found that with in each day there are also things to be thankful for. There are positive things that can bring light with them. Sometimes it’s a message from a friend, or a smile from a stranger. Sometimes it’s reading a much-loved book or watching a favourite film. Birds, flowers, the moon – all things I have been thankful for at various times. Sometimes it’s as basic as drinking a cup of tea at the perfect temperature.

The lyrics of the song say ‘When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep. And I fall asleep counting my blessings’. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty. Sometimes the darkness and despair threatens to block out all hope. My message here is one of personal experience. If I can make a list of 10 points of light each day before you go to sleep, I find my mind is calmer and I can sleep a little easier. For me, this takes the form of thinking of 10 things I can thank God for. Sometimes they are big things like a new job or an unexpected windfall, but more often than not they are more everyday things like friends and family, or little pleasures like Milka chocolate.

So if you are worried, and you are having trouble sleeping, see if you can find the light in your day to be thankful for. I promise you it will be there. There is always light somewhere. There is always hope.

When disappointment hits

Have you ever worked hard towards an outcome, piled in time and energy in the hope that progress could be made, and allowed yourself to hope that the situation has improved? And then has something happened that has brought it all crashing down and left you feeling angry or disappointed and just wanting to throw in the towel and give up? If not, you are a stronger person than I am. If this rings a bell with you, you may be able to appreciate sort of how I felt within the last week.

Alongside my day-jobs I have dedicated a large portion of my time, energy and prayer to working towards reconciliation in a particular setting. This week I was in a virtual meeting where what I experienced showed me that the progress I thought had been made was not firm. And it left me feeling very angry and disappointed, and lacking the energy to keep trying. I was angry at the people directly involved, I was angry at the people who had been watching from the side-lines along the way and choosing to remain distant, I was even angry at God who promises to answer our prayers. I wasn’t seeing evidence of that!

Sometimes the battles that we face that affect us deeply are huge, global issues. Sometimes they are small local issues, personal to a few. The one I’ve been talking about probably doesn’t have global repercussions. But it’s still something I have invested myself into. If somethings never change and somethings do nothing but change, how can we know where to trust or what to hope in?

Then I found a little tidbit of theological wisdom in a very random place. I watched Frozen 2. I won’t spoil the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised by the film and thought it was better than the first one. But from the start there is a slightly comic character development where Olaf is ‘maturing’ and considering what change means. And then there comes this wise line: I’ve just thought of one thing that’s permanent… Love!

If you are a bible scholar, you can track the love that God shows for his people throughout the bible. Abraham and his descendants were blessed in order to bless others. Jesus came and showed love to the people he met more than judgement. The book of Acts opens up the family of God to all peoples and races, not just Jews.

Throughout history, the Church has not always acted in love. Not all Christians have rooted their actions to show God’s love. But God’s love itself has not gone away. It has remained constant. My first known encounter with God was an outpouring of a Father’s love while I was alone and desperate and searching. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, like a flame had been lit in my heart and with it a sense of peace and belonging.

It’s easy to get sucked into the worries of everyday life. It is right to stand up against injustice where we see it. It’s even ok to get angry and disappointed. But through all of that, God’s love remains constant. For me, being reminded of that very first encounter also reminds me of why I continue to put my trust in God, and why I continue to have hope.

Yes, the disappointment hurts. No, I can’t explain why the situation didn’t go the way I thought it should. Sometimes all we can do is trust in God’s long-term plan. We are very used to seeing the immediate problems and not as good at being patient. Not many things we see are permanent. Some things change quickly, somethings change extremely slowly. Some things we would like to see change, somethings we would rather remained the same.

But there is this one things you can rely on, one thing that remains constant, one thing you can choose to build your life and your actions on: God loves his children. Including me.

Including you.

Living life

I baked this week. I made 2 giant wheels of shortbread, sandwiched them together with some semi melted marshmallow and raspberry jam and covered the whole thing in chocolate. Yep, I made a giant wagon wheel. It is 23cm across, and is chilling in the fridge.

What’s the relevance of that, you may ask? After all, people bake all the time, and people who know me know that I bake. And besides, someone else came up with the idea of a wagon wheel…

The point is, it’s been over a fortnight since I last baked something. And I can’t remember the last time I properly spent time with the people I love (outside of my own household). And by properly, I mean able to hug them and enjoy their company without feeling like I’m breaking lockdown rules (for the record, I haven’t to the best of my knowledge broken lockdown rules. But the guidelines keep changing and I get confused!)

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend sometime in January with a friend exploring future vision. And part of that meant discovering what makes me tick, what gives me life. I don’t mean oxygen (although that certainly does keep me alive!) but I mean what activities do I do that make the difference between surviving and getting through, and actually enjoying life.

Yep, baking and spending time with the people I love were high on the list. As was writing (I know, interesting choice. But hey, that’s the way God made me so I’m not gonna quibble it!) But I’ve been lacking motivation to write, and while Zoom and phone calls are great, they just aren’t a substitute for actually meeting people face to face and talking to them and watching Picard with them and playing monopoly… (disclaimer: other tv shows and games are available) Even a weekly virtual pub quiz is a reminder of the physical distance that separates us right now.

Please don’t misunderstand, I know people have it much worse than me. And I know that social distancing is a wise measure to keep us safe. So I don’t mean to sound like I’m moaning. I only say this because at the same time as exploring these things in January, my friend also said it’s worth knowing what gives me life so that when I notice that I’m getting irritable, or behaving out of character, or feeling overwhelmed and weary, I may be able to track down why. What is lacking? Is something impacting on my values? Or are my passions being stifled? Or is it something else?

Knowing my values, knowing what motivates me and knowing what passions I have meant that when I noticed how tired and irritable I had become in the last week I was able to do something about it. And this is something I wanted to share with you too. After all, John 10:10 says I came that you may have life, and have it to the full. We aren’t supposed to walk through life from one bill to another hoping we’ll get enough in our pay packet to cover it. We’re not supposed to struggle alone, or spend all of our time doing things out of a sense of duty. There is joy for us, and happiness and love. In between paying bills/rent/mortgage/groceries we are allowed to have fun.

If we aren’t getting enough food, our body tells us. If we are lacking water, our body will let us know. If we need more iron or vitamin C, there are symptoms (some are more obvious than others) And once we have identified the symptoms we (or someone who is medically trained) can help us to change something and make up for the deficit. Our souls are no different. When we are behaving out of character, or we are listless and lacking motivation, it may be that we are missing something in our lives. However, each of us was made differently. I need to be creative, and I enjoy baking and writing (and drawing ducks, but I can only draw so many ducks). I also value relationships with friends and family. Captain Obvious strikes again: you aren’t me. You might need to explore nature, or play sport, or something else entirely. So here are a few questions for you to ponder:

  • What are the most important things in your life and work? What can you not live without?
  • What are your personal values?
  • What are some of the passions carried forward from childhood you could still spend hours and hours doing today?

Using the answers above, are there any themes? Do you enjoy problem solving perhaps, or being creative? Or maybe there’s an adventurous streak in you. Whatever there may be, there is no right or wrong answer. But if, like me, you reach a point where you are lacking energy and are acting out of character, go back to the list ask yourself when was the last time you did something just for fun? Is there something on the list you could do now?

In my walk with God over the past few years, I have discovered more about myself than I dare to admit, both in areas of strength and areas for growth. But the funny thing is that wherever something was lacking God provided a way for me to grow in it. For me, that came in the form of friends who are like family, people to bake for and encouragement and an output to write. (It also took the form of some tough love, some very patient and loving people refusing to give up on me and experiences I’d never have dreamed of on my own). The point is, God wants what is best for you. He wants you to grow to be the best person you can be.

A bold claim considering I have only quoted the bible once in this post (so far). That because the bible is divinely inspired, it is God’s word. But God is a Living God and wants to experience life with you. So, go and seek God, go and find some joy. Jesus came that you might have life to the fullest.

One final bible verse to finish off:

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you,

    the Mighty Warrior who saves.

He will take great delight in you;

    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,

    but will rejoice over you with singing

Many sparrows

This week, I was asked to write and record the sermon for the video my church puts out in place of a Sunday morning service at the moment. The set reading was Matthew 10: 24-39. Give it a read if you fancy. I found it a difficult passage to craft a sermon that both encourages and challenges. (I also found it a personal challenge to craft a sermon without really knowing who I was crafting it for, and then recording it to a camera without there being people in front of me to gauge the reaction). But I did find myself focusing on sparrows never being outside of the Father’s care, and how we are worth many sparrows. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never thought of my worth in sparrows before. It reminds me of Taskmaster where Alex Horne is comparing how well the contestants did to dogs or mice… It’s not a typical unit of measurement!

But if one sparrow is never outside of the Father’s care, and I am worth many sparrows (and so are you!) then, in simple mathematics, I am (and you are) also never outside of the Father’s care. Which then led me onto another example of Jesus’ care for people. If you read Mark 5 from verse 21 there is a story you may be familiar with. It’s the time the Jairus approaches Jesus because his daughter is dying. He falls at Jesus’ feet and begs Jesus to heal his daughter. And Jesus listens to him, and follows him to his home. Jesus always seems to attract a crowd, so they have to push through a lot of people to get to Jairus’ house. That day, there is someone else who is also desperate for Jesus’ help. A nameless woman has spent all she had on doctors who had failed to heal her. She had been subject to bleeding for 12 years. That would have been 12 years of being ritually unclean and being shunned. She would have got used to being invisible, and had a lot of practice at moving through a crowd unseen. She manages to reach Jesus and touch the hem of his cloak, and she is healed. But Jesus notices and stops while on his way to heal Jairus’ dying daughter. He singles out the woman and speaks to her.

While he is stopped, a messenger comes from Jairus’ house to tell them his daughter has died. Jesus overhears and says “Don’t be afraid, just believe.” He goes to the house, send everyone away except three disciples and the child’s parents, takes the girl by her hand and tells her to get up. The girl gets up and walks around.

There are so many layers to this story. You can use it to talk about the importance of our identity as children of God (which I may explore in a future post). You could use it to talk about not letting anything stop you getting to God.

But I would like to take a different angle. Jesus is on a mission to heal someone who is dying. It is a time critical mission. But on the way, a different situation presents itself. There is an immediate need right in front of Jesus. Instead of saying, “Please excuse me, I’m a little busy. You see someone is dying and I need to go. But I’ll come back once I’ve done that,” Jesus takes the time to see the woman. He doesn’t see what society sees, he doesn’t even see what the woman herself sees. He sees into her heart and he claims her as part of his family. No sparrow is outside of the Father’s care, and neither is this woman. There is an immediate need right and he responds.

But now look through Jairus’ eyes. Jesus has agreed to come and heal his daughter, but is instead stopping in the middle of a crowd to talk to a nameless beggar, all the while his daughter is getting worse! And then he hears the news he has been dreading – his daughter has died. But strangely Jesus isn’t bothered. Jairus is faced with a choice. Will he trust Jesus? He believed in Jesus enough to ask him to heal his daughter. How far will that trust go?

Jairus obviously chooses to trust Jesus further because he leads Jesus back to his house where Jesus does something else impossible. Jesus brings Jairus’ daughter back from the dead. No sparrow is outside of the Father’s care.

 In responding to one emergency, Jesus doesn’t choose the invisible member of society over the daughter of the important official. In what looks like a time critical situation, Jesus is able to respond to the needs of both daughters.

I wonder if there are some of us today who are feeling like the woman in this story, invisible and unheard. I wonder if that makes you hesitate to reach out and ask God for help because there is a bigger crisis and maybe society has told you that you are less important. You are not. You are worth many sparrows.

I wonder if there are some of us today that are tempted to be like Jairus in this story, maybe a little impatient because there is a time sensitive issue that needs to be rushed towards and handled. Maybe in your situation it feels like Jesus isn’t walking quickly enough or keeps getting distracted. But when bad news comes, will you still have the faith of Jairus? Or do you feel like you have wasted your time and that God has let you down. “Do not be afraid, just believe”. You, too are worth many sparrows.

So whether your situation is like Jairus and his daughter, or like the bleeding woman, keep hope because God can and does handle both. And if you start to despair and lose your hope and faith, just look for a sparrow* and remember. God cares a great deal for the sparrows, and you are worth many of them.

*If you are like me and not sure what a sparrow looks like, any bird will do

All things being equal…

It’s been a challenging week for me. Or maybe, it’s been a week of being challenged is more accurate. How can I be a real ally to the people around me? How can I bring hope and encouragement? How can I do more than just lip-service to a movement that is so important for the future like “Black Lives Matter”?

I saw a story going round on social media of an oboist at a conservatoire who had shared the struggles they had faced to get to where they are today, and the struggles they still go through. Things like not being treated equally in lessons, not getting the same opportunities, being targeted because of the colour of their skin. Oh, but also being wheeled out for ‘diversity’ photo shoots. It pulled me up short. I’ve done studies on gender and orchestras, but it never occurred to me to look at race and orchestras. And that’s the poison we face. We don’t acknowledge it. We don’t recognise it. We don’t see the part we play in it.

So what can we do? I believe humans were created with 2 great gifts; the ability to love and the ability to learn. And that’s where my seed of hope for this week comes in. The society that Jesus lived in is very different from the society we live in now. Slaves were considered normal, fighting to the death was a sport, and women had no (or very little) status. We now live in the 21st Century. Fighting to the death is illegal in most parts of the world. Slavery hasn’t been completely eradicated, but it is no longer considered normal and there are charities and laws working to protect people. And women can work, vote, own property and have some semblance of equality. None of it is perfect, there is more to be done in each of these areas. But through human’s standing up for change, change happens.

But there’s more. Because when I look at the way that Jesus acts, I see more reason to hope. Because Jesus sees people. He doesn’t ignore their race/gender/class. He sees exactly who they are. And he helps them anyway. The Samaritan woman at the well? Jesus sees her. The slave of the Roman centurion? Jesus heals him. The blind beggar? Jesus gives him his sight. The gospels were written for a reason: they are there to teach. (Romans 15: 4 ‘For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope’) Jesus meets/eats with/heals/befriends a diverse bunch of people. And he encourages his followers to do the same.

They haven’t always got it right. But we have and I hope always will continue to learn, to grow and to strive to be better at following Jesus’ example. So if you’ve stumbled across this little blog on the internet and think I’ve got something wrong, I hope you can forgive me. Please, I want to learn so feel free to correct me. I want to love like Jesus loved – unconditionally. And it you’ve stumbled across this blog and are feeling like everyone is against you and you are being discriminated against, I believe there is a God who sees exactly who you are and loves you anyway. He is the God who created diversity, and we should celebrate it, not let it create divisions.

I’d like to leave you (if you’re still reading) with one more verse from the bible that I have found has helped me over the past couple of weeks: “There is neither Jew not Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3: 28)

Finding hope in the dark

What could I possibly have to say right now? I am white and privileged. I have somewhere to sleep, a job with a steady income, a loving family and I can walk out at night without fear of being stopped by the police. And while I agree with the voices saying “all lives matter” I fear they are somewhat missing the point. Yes, all lives matter, but not all lives are threatened.

But this is a blog about hope, and the reason I hold onto the hope I have in Jesus. I have a few favourite bible stories that I come back to time and again because they bring me comfort and the give me courage. There are so many I could pick right now, about how Jesus doesn’t see the divisions that society sees. Take the story or Jairus’ daughter in Mark’s gospel with the story of the bleeding woman placed in the middle (Mark 5, 21-43) or Jesus talking to a Samaritan woman in John 4. Jesus sees people, not nationalities, not class, not race and not gender. He responds to the person who is in front of him.

But the story I want to focus on here comes near the end of John’s gospel. It is a passage for those who are hurting and feeling isolated and alone. It’s a passage that gives me goosebumps every time I read it. Read John 20: 1-18. Read it slowly and put yourself in Mary’s shoes (or sandals if we’re being historically accurate).

You had such hope for the future. You believed the Messiah had come to free you and lead you to victory, but then you watched as he was killed, betrayed by a so-called friend. You mourn him, but you are also afraid of what might happen now. There are dangers all around; the Romans, the crowd, even one-time friends it seems. And when you go to the tomb of this man who meant so much to you, you find the stone has been rolled away and the body taken. Where can you find comfort?

Crying in despair, you bend once more to look at the empty place where Jesus had been and you see two strangers. They ask you what is wrong and you have to say it out loud again. “They’ve taken him and I don’t know where they’ve put him.” And you turn away. You see another person you don’t know who also asks you what is wrong. Again you have to say it aloud. Again, you have to relive the pain. “Please, if you’ve taken him, show me where you have put him.” You just want closure, for this nightmare to be over.

“Mary.”

That’s all it takes. Jesus calling your name. You turn towards him fully and your feel joy and hope again. Jesus isn’t dead! He is here talking to you! Somehow, something impossible has happened.

I love this passage because I connect with it. There are more examples of Jesus appearing to people in the confusion and despair after his death and his body disappearing. With hindsight, we know and can understand that Jesus has risen. We know what happens next in the story, but they didn’t. The pair walking on the road to Emmaus when Jesus joins them and gently teases them, pretending not to know what has happened. The disciples (minus Thomas) meeting in a locked room out of fear and Jesus just appearing to them declaring “Peace be with you.” Jesus appearing again to put Thomas’ mind at rest when he is cynical about the other disciples story. Peter fishing (unsuccessfully) with some friends and a man appears on the beach and tells them to try one more time.

The point is, in all of these stories, Jesus comes to comfort, reassure, and send them out to do something more.

But it’s Mary’s story that touched my heart. What was it in the way he said her name that caused her to recognise him? When I read it, the voice is gentle and compassionate, a voice that can cut through overwhelming panic and despair. It’s a voice that is trustworthy and dependable. But it’s more than that. It’s the fact that he uses her name. Within that one word Jesus is able to say so much: “I care, I’m here, I see you, you are not alone”.

What would it sound like if Jesus called your name like that? What would it mean to be reminded that at your lowest point Jesus sees you and knows you?

I once visited a church meeting. I was known by some, but I was sitting apart from those friends so I was relatively anonymous. A set of circumstances, some by my own making and some actions of the people around me, had brought me to a place of desperation and uncertainty. I was hurting and I was angry, and I was just about ready to throw the towel in and walk away. That’s why I wasn’t at my regular church. During the musical worship I couldn’t sing. In fact I had silent tears rolling down my face.

When they had finished that part of the meeting, a member of the church from the other side of the room walked to the front. (Something else to know about me, I’m quite short…) He was passed the microphone and said “As we were worshiping, God showed me a picture of a young lady crying hopeless tears, and I just want to say that God sees you and he is with you. I encourage you to find someone to pray with you after this meeting” and he looked over to the rough area I was sat. From the place where he was sitting, there is no way he would have been able to see that I was crying or hear that I wasn’t singing. He didn’t know me or my reason for being there. And yet…

So here’s the thing about God. He knows us. If God had tried to talk to me directly I would have written it off as a figment of my imagination. After all, who was I that God should notice me? And yet…

God chose a stranger to pass on his message in a way I couldn’t deny. God chose to speak to me and let me know that I was loved and cared for, that I was important enough to be noticed. I wish I could say that I learnt that lesson that day, but it has taken a little bit longer for the truth of that to properly take root in my heart.

But just like Jesus telling Mary to go and share the news, I have a voice. God found me and walks with me. That’s the reason I hold on to hope. Because what Jesus does in the bible, God still does today.

So if you are broken, hopeless, hurting or ready to give up, please believe me when I say that God sees you. God knows you. And God is with you.

Here we go!

To write a book, you have to start with a few words. To climb a mountain you have to start with a few steps. To write a blog you need to, well, just do it? To ride a roller-coaster you have to queue for hours, get strapped in, wait a bit more, feel the tension build as the coaster climbs the inevitable steep incline before helplessly being tossed from side to side as the cart goes round a predestined route for 30 seconds then you get off and work out how your legs work…

OK, not the best example (but seriously, some people do that for fun multiple times!) I’ve got a friend (let’s call them Jo) who would spend all day every day riding roller-coasters if they could. And to spend time with them, I occasionally go on roller-coasters too. Sometimes I even enjoy myself! But I will never be able to appreciate them in the same way Jo can. And there is a lesson in that for me. Jo is tidy and organised, and has a process for how things should be done. Like the roller-coaster with it’s path, if things are planned then what follows should be a smooth ride. (I am aware that things don’t always go as they should with roller coasters, but bear with the simile) There are twists and turns, climbs and plummets, jerks, spins, times to scream, moments of elation, excitement, fear and a photo that will probably not catch your best side. It’s like a shortened version of life, except strictly planned out.

I am very different from Jo. I have piles of papers and books. If you need something from me, I will have put it in a safe place and will be able to lay my hands on it. Eventually. I approach things with a more open approach. I know where I want to get to, but I’m open to creative ways to get there, taking each challenge as it comes. If Jo’s approach is like a roller-coaster, wild and exciting but organised in advance, mine is like a treasure map. I know where I want to end up, and I’ll set off with a back-pack of provisions, but I won’t plan the whole route before I start.

And neither of these is wrong. Jo has a real gift for AV stuff. They are great are programming things. I do not. I do, however, have a burning desire to write, and a gift for story-telling. There is a verse in the book of Ezra (it’s just before Nehemiah in the bible). The Israelites have returned to Jerusalem and Ezra is praying and confessing on behalf of them all. Ezra mourns and confesses on behalf of the people of Israel because it is what is in his heart to do. And in chapter 10, verse 9, it says ‘Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.’

The circumstances are very different, but I also want to find a way to bring people back to God. I have a flame of hope in my heart and I can’t just let it sit there. I need to speak out and share that hope. Especially now, when I see some people start to falter and doubt. I can’t explain what is happening now. I don’t understand the suffering I can see. A wiser theologian than me could probably dig through the bible for some sort of explanation. Another theologian could use the same bible and come up with a different explanation. All I can say is I trust in the God I believe in. I have faith that things will get better. And I hold onto hope for the future.

So here I am, plucking up the courage and doing it. I am stepping out on the next little stage of my journey, armed with some tools to help me along (namely a pen and paper, and a computer), knowing I will need to learn some new skills as I go. Using the bible, the things I have experienced and the things I see around me, I will write the reason I hold onto that hope.

My question to you is, what matter has God given to you, and do you have the courage to do it?