Hunting for God: Study and the bible week 3 and 4

I didn’t write last week, partly because I didn’t have much to report, and partly because this month I’m aiming to walk 21,000 steps a day and I was exhausted. That means I also didn’t have a huge amount of energy to read books, because I couldn’t manage to concentrate on the words.

As I mentioned in the last post, I was going to focus on study of non-books. When walking the required steps for my challenge I’ve spent a lot of time observing things around me.

One of the places I went was a local pond. I walked a lot and watched the way the water fowl interacted. I saw ducklings at different stages of their development. Small ducklings stick close to mother duck, slightly older ducklings want to explore, and adolescent ducklings sleep a lot…

Geese are a little temperamental. If you feed them, they want more food. If you don’t feed them, they hiss at you… If they’re bored they honk at each other and without warning, they might suddenly decide they don’t like their neighbour and chase them away. (Watching geese from a distance is actually quite amusing!)

Swans are much quieter and keep to themselves more. This may in part have been because one was sitting on a nest. In my last visit they were swimming around with 5 cygnets which was really uplifting to watch.

The robins in the trees posed for photos, but the blue tit was very jumpy. Squirrels would run around, pause on a tree until I got my phone camera out, then run to the opposite side of the tree.

It was fun to make up stories about the residents of the pond, having spent a number of hours over a couple of weeks observing them.

So, turns out the discipline of study and the bible did not come very easy to me. I think there are seasons where I can engage with this discipline, but walking 21,000 steps is not the correct season…a

Ah well, next week is a new discipline. Meanwhile, enjoy the picture of the ducklings from the pond!

Hunting for God: Study and the Bible week 2

So, turns out being disciplined in study is actually very hard to do when restrictions are lifting and we are allowed to start seeing people again! Who knew?!

Anyway, I’ve done my best. I haven’t managed to read and take in a complete chapter of any book. (I’ve managed the whole ‘read the same line multiple times and still not understand it’ thing though…) I have read through Titus almost everyday, and read some of Tom Wright’s commentary on it. (If you are looking, Tom Wright writes excellent and accessible commentaries called ‘[book of the bible] for everyone’.) Its great because its so short (1 and a bit pages in my bible) which meant I could read and digest what it was saying. And being able to read it multiple times, I could unlock different layers within the writing (Shrek anyone?)

On first read through, it’s a book about leadership and teaching, and about integrity and goodness. 2nd read through, we should lead by example. 3rd read through: appoint leaders based on their actions not their words. Teach people to teach people, always point to God, and set an example. There’s a warning about divisiveness, we are saved by God’s grace, and we should encourage and help others on their own journeys. Then I dipped into the commentary and Tom suggests the reason the letter is so specific about leadership qualities is because it is better to not appoint a leader if the right person can’t be found rather than appoint a bad leader. It’s an interesting concept!

The bible app (Bible in one year): I didn’t quite manage everyday, but there are some great nuggets of wisdom in the 5 days I did do. One of the days, all of the passages linked with integrity in all areas of life and not compartmentalising. I really enjoy having the passages and wisdom from another to link them together, and I find I get more out of the passage than when I read it alone.

I’m going to spend a lot of time outside in the next week so thought I’d try out some of what Richard Foster calls ‘nonverbal’ books (nature, people etc). Maybe I’ll be more successful at that than in studying theological books!

Hunting for God: Study and the Bible

4 weeks of exploring prayer. 4 weeks of exploring fasting. The next one in the book is 4 weeks of bible study.

Now I have a reasonable knowledge of the bible. I am by no means a biblical scholar but I know enough to be able to quote encouraging verses, and I know a lot of the stories and characters which I can channel into teaching and relating the bible to present circumstances.

So in order to get the most out of this for me, I read through what Jo Swinney’s had done (in God Hunting) and I dipped into Richard Foster’s book ‘Celebration of Discipline’. As per the previous disciplines, Swinney uses a different style every week to explore the bible. Foster sort of splits the bible into meditation and study, but goes quite deep into each. For this 4 week exploration of the bible I’ve decided I’m going to focus on the study element and bring mediation in for a future discipline.

Foster splits study down further into study of books and study of ‘nonverbal’ books (basically the world around us and ourselves). He talks about studying the bible by reading whole books to appreciate the shape of the narrative as you would any other book (not just taking a chunk out of context), he talks about reading a shorter book daily for a prolonged period (he suggests a month) which will get the structure in your mind and bring forward different bits of the book in each read through. He suggests supplimenting reading the book by reading other Christian literature by theologians. He talks about studying nature, properly (not just looking and saying “nice flower”) and he suggests studying other people, not with a view of judging them (biblically called splinter and plank) but in order to learn and understand. And he talks about studying ourselves, our triggers, what controls us. Again, not to be introspective or to beat ourselves up but with humility to experience grace.

OK, tall order! What do I currently do? I follow the ‘bible in one year’ app (although I’m a little behind) which includes an old testament passage, a new testament passage and a psalm/proverbs passage plus commentary, and I get a daily bible reading emailed to me (although again, I don’t manage to read it everyday…) I have a book of bible verses I dip into when I need reminding of who God is and who I am to him. I am part of a monthly bible study group working through Mark’s Gospel, and a weekly group who sort of do bible study every week. It sounds a lot, but honestly I’m not sure how much I get out of the weekly bible study and I struggle to keep up with the monthly one. So what can I usefully do to deepen my understanding of God this month?

I am going to try some different things and see what actually helps me. I have a stack of books by theologians to keep me busy, I’d like to spend time reading through Titus (because I don’t think I’ve ever read it… and it’s quite a small book!) I’m going to try and be disciplined with the bible app and listen everyday. And… well, maybe that’s enough for now. There are only so many hours in a day and I don’t feel led to withdraw from everything and become a recluse for the next three weeks!

But I spent some time Week 1 reflecting on what the bible means to me. My bible is genuinely one of the key things I own. It’s one of the first things packed when going away and I (almost) always know where it is. I believe all of it is ‘divinely inspired’ (many human authors, God speaking through all of them). The types of books within the bible range in genre (poetry, history, law…) and the original audiences varied too (hence four gospels telling the same story – each was writing to a different set of people). I believe it is important to know some context, such as what was society like when the book was written and who is Jesus speaking to/Paul writing to. But I also believe there is relevance to us today which we can glean from the pages by being wise and by discussing with and learning from others. I find hope in reading the bible because when you take all of it together, it is a story of God’s love for us and his faithfulness to us through the ages. Some times it looks like God has left his people but then you keep reading and you see there was a plan all along. That gives me hope to keep going myself. God has always had a plan, and I trust that plan. And I find the bible is a good way of learning about God, but also about how I should behave as a Christian. I trust the bible is God’s words.

When I spent a month exploring prayer I learnt to be honest and found joy and peace. When I spent a month exploring fasting I learnt humility and developed self discipline. I’m looking forward to seeing what develops through this month of studying the bible.

Hunting for God: Fasting, Final Week

So here we are, the final week of fasting. Once again posting on the wrong day. No excuse, just ran out of time due to other commitments like being able to see my family in person for the first time in 4 months.

Although I’ve still got a further 10 days of my personal fast, this is the last post about it for this blog. So I will be starting a new discipline for my next post. But, as promised, I am being honest with you. I ate a custard tart last week. Not because I gave into temptation, but because not to would have caused offence to the person who bought it for me. And I think that’s an important distinction to draw. When doing the disciplines becomes just following rules, it becomes religious and unhelpful.

Anyway, I have found exploring fasting to be helpful in my relationship with God. Sometimes it is easy to forget to bring God into the everyday, but at the moment whenever I feel the urge to reach for something sweet it’s a reminder to turn my mind back to God.

One of the other things I have been doing this week is reflecting on Psalm 51 and I was reminded of the reason I am doing this journey through the disciplines.

Create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51 v. 10)

For me personally it is about finding ways to keep my relationship with God fresh. It’s about finding ways to keep myself holding on to the hope that I have in God, keeping my eyes open to what he is doing in my life and the world around me. So renewing within me a reliance on God, but also seeking God and letting my heart come in line with his.

I only managed one chapter of the Brennan Manning book. It was a slow read, but all about the glory of God. Worth pondering over, but not got any good quotes to share.

What my month of fasting has shown me:

  • Fasting helps me remember to bring God into what I do throughout the day. It is helpful to know that in the future, if I find myself drifting away from God, I have a tool to help me find my way back.
  • Fasting reminds me of my weakness and has helped to humble me and force me to surrender some of my problems to God instead of trying to fix them all myself.
  • Fasting is something I have found to be liberating and has left me feeling better. In using my will and self-discipline to not indulge myself as the rest of the world tells me I should do, I have had my eyes opened to further to the goodness and faithfulness God has showed me.
  • I have come up against some unexpected and tricky situations, but fasting has helped me turn to God first for my comfort. Fasting will definitely play a part in my walk with God in the future, although exactly what form that will take I am not sure.

I need to double check, but I think the next discipline centers on the bible, so I will report back at the end of the week (or maybe the beginning of next week as my weekly rhythm seems to have changed somewhat).

If you are still following this journey, I can recommend exploring fasting. Start small and build up, but whatever you do, search for God while you are doing it. God meets those who seek him!

Hunting for God: Fasting week 3

It’s a strange feeling to get to the end of a week and stop to reflect. This week’s post is also a couple of days late, but only because I’ve been trying to work out what to say. I made a note in my journal in the middle of the week about how exhausted and vulnerable I feel, how the urge to give in gets stronger the longer I fast and how that in itself becomes a distraction from focusing on God. I made a note that I needed to discover the humility to kneel.

And then something seemed to switch in my brain. It was as I was watching an episode of Celebrity Best Home Cook and watching them make lemon meringue pies and profiteroles feeling that longing to eat them, remembering the flavour and texture of my favourite puddings. It was as I was feeling yet another energy slump and not being able to reach for my usual quick-fix pick-me-up biscuit. I realised my longings were real and I do love those puddings and treats. But I love God more. I could give up now. I could reach for a biscuit. The only one stopping me is me.

But there’s a certain peace that comes from realising my own weakness, from getting to the end of endurance, of realising how much I can’t control and falling to my knees in surrender and humility. There’s beauty in putting God in his proper place in my life, not as a last resort, but as the centre, the first place I go to for comfort. It comes from accepting my own faults and weaknesses and also having to trust in God’s goodness.

It may seem a trivial thing, giving up sweet treats; it’s certainly not as hard core as giving up all food. But it’s not so much the ‘what’ as the ‘why’ that is important. By engaging my will, by exercising self control, I am showing myself and God how serious I am about seeking him and putting him first. It’s showing myself I don’t have to listen to the inner voice that causes me to doubt or believe lies about myself that people or experiences of the past have left me with, because my focus is on God.

I spent this week reflecting on Psalm 103. It’s another beautiful psalm (although to be fair I could say that about most of them). There’s plenty of verses worth memorising. But it’s the last three verses that have stuck with me:

Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word

Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.

Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion

Praise the Lord, my soul

Somehow, I needed to remember that God is God of all things. He is good because that is who he is, not because of what he does. No, things don’t always feel great. Yes, there is pain and suffering and things I can’t explain, excuse of understand. But God sees a bigger picture. God uses things for good. Sometimes, I just need to trust that God is good and find a way to say “praise the Lord, my soul”.

The book that I’ve been reading this week, ‘Ruthless Trust’ by Brennan Manning has particularly brought this message home to me. I was struck by this quote:

When we get waylaid from our walk with God by business, depression, family problems or worse, God does not abandon us. Nor, if we walk the way of trust, do we abandon God. When we wander off the path, that trust puls us back; and we do not flinch, hesitate or worry about being unwelcome in the Father’s arms. No matter where we are on the journey, we have a quiet confidence that our trust in God’s love gives God immense pleasure.

It is a good book, but I would say only read it if you are ready to be challenged in your relationship with God. Its full of poignant truths and humble stories (although I haven’t finished it yet) but I have been deeply challenged by how to take the words from the page and live them out.

I have one more week of fasting to follow Jo Swinney’s book before the next discipline (although another 17 days before I will be allowing myself to taste chocolate again) and I wonder what more I will discover. I feel like my mindset has changed drastically since the last post, so apologies if my tone has changed and this isn’t what you expected.

For the final week I will be focusing on Psalm 51 instead of scrolling, and I will spend more time physically kneeling as a sign of humility and surrender. And, of course, I will be reading more of the book and will share any nuggets of wisdom. Just an encouragement to any out there who have never fasted: if you make the space God will meet you in it, and in my experience, will meet you in ways you didn’t imagine. Because God is good, and that is why I have hope for the future.

Hunting for God: Fasting week 2

Cake…

So much cake….

So, week 2 of fasting was much harder than week one. I found myself baking muffins for a friends birthday, and lots of tray bakes for church to give away to the local community on Easter Sunday. And all without being able to taste them…. (That’s why this post is a couple of days late, sorry!)

On top of that, I had real struggles and stresses including news of a friend who was ill, being brought back to work part time (with new responsibilities) plus a temperamental boiler. There was a strong temptation to go back to hiding behind a screen instead of seeking God, and to take comfort in sugary food. ,

Full disclosure: I didn’t eat a single muffin or slice of cake, I didn’t scrape the bowl after baking (which meant more of the mixture actually made it’s way into the cake tins) and I didn’t lick the spoon after icing. I did, however, find myself scrolling more than I would have liked.

So the week started ok. When I found out my friend was very ill I was able to pray for her and get comfort from God. Yes, I was still concerned, but I could also find peace within that by releasing her and relying on God. And even going back to work with the new responsibilities, and the stress and confusion that brought, although tempting, wasn’t the thing that tripped me up. In fact, I also became more intentional about setting aside time to meditate on a psalm (Psalm 91 this week) and was able to keep saying Night Prayer (see post about prayer week 3). No, it was in between baking over 100 portions of cake and my boiler causing a sleepless night that I tripped up and began the distraction/escape scrolling.

But I’m going to keep going. I am going to see this through to the end (even though I now have three chocolate Easter eggs sitting in my cupboard). There are a couple of situations in my life right now where I need guidance from God. There is one big area I am seeking break through. And, as ever, I want a deeper relationship with God. I want the kind of relationship I see that others have where they can confidently say “God has told me…” or where they can be in the midst of a massive ‘storm’ and are still able to confidently remain calm, knowing that God is with them and, whatever the outcome, God is good and God has them secure.

So, to help me next week I am going to focus on a different psalm, but the same one for the whole week. And every time I get the urge to scroll on Facebook on my phone I am going to open the bible app instead, to that psalm (I haven’t worked out which one yet…) And I am going to set aside time to read a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.

Sometimes when going on adventures the hero will make a mistake or take a wrong turn, but then comes back to the right path, usually a little wise. It is my hope that that is what will happen here. No, I didn’t have any major breakthroughs about God (although the distractions brought me close to a melt down when I tried to manage apart from God), but I do know that God’s grace means I can keep going and try again. My slip ups don’t disqualify me. God doesn’t give up on me, so neither will I!

Hunting for God: Fasting week 1

Think I’ve now mastered how to keep track of the weeks in the title without confusing myself! Took long enough…

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve been eagerly awaiting to find out what I’m fasting. So I prayed and I think the best thing for me to say here is I think God wants me to fast from sweet snacks and things, which is where I usually turn for comfort. But I also felt like I needed to give up using my phone for non-communication purposes because I also use that as a distraction and find I waste a lot of time cycling through games on my phone or scrolling through social media, and almost run out of time to spend with God.

In her book, Jo Swinney gives up 4 different things for 1 week each. I felt I would get more benefit out of giving up these things for 4 weeks in order to seek God deeper. So that is the aim. And I will be honest with you about every biscuit (none so far) and every slip-up on my phone (once!), also secure in the knowledge that God is forgiving and a small slip is not an excuse to give up. Instead it is an opportunity to pick myself up and carry on.

So, what have I discovered so far? I have discovered that when I stop using my phone as a hiding place distraction there are a lot of hours in a day when I can seek God. And I have discovered I have a lot of chocolate scattered around my flat!

On a more serious note, the last week has been amazing for me. I am a novice at fasting so I have looked into some devotionals, but essentially I have just said “Ok God, this time is yours. What do you want to do?” I have used the book by Becca Dean (Be Live Pray) to explore some more ways of praying and encountering God.

Apparently there are four main reasons for fasting: closeness with God, receiving direction, receiving provision, and restoration. In the last week I have definitely had moments of feeling incredibly close to God, I feel I have heard more clearly from him (partly because I may have been hiding from a particular direction…) and I feel like over the rest of this time of fasting I will have breakthrough in an area I have been struggling with as I spend more time with God building up foundational truth about my identity instead of listening to the little inner voice telling me lies about my worth.

Hebrews 6: 11 says God will reward those who earnestly seek him. This may seem strange (believe me, I’ve been called worse), but I am actually excited to meet with God in this period. I may feel differently in a weeks time when it’s Easter Sunday and I see everyone tucking into chocolate eggs…

The important thing I have learned this week is to use the time I would be playing/scrolling to focus on God in prayer and worship, and to seek comfort from God by honestly praying instead of looking for a sugar pick-me-up.

My month of prayer brought me closer to God. My first week exploring fasting taken me further. I have experienced more and longer periods of peace in my heart to replace anxiety and worries. At times, not being able to fall back on my phone has left me twiddling my thumbs, but my hope is that I will be able to build on the patterns I had started to form during the prayer month and create a lasting pattern of drawing close to God.

Please note, as I have previously stated, I am a novice fast-er. If you are reading this as an experienced fast-er, please forgive the bits I’ve got wrong. If, like me, you are a beginner, my advice is don’t let small slips discourage you. Keep going. God is patient and cares about intentions. Maybe 4 weeks (or 40 days) is too long, so be kind to yourself while seeking God. Oh, and everywhere I’ve read it is very clear: don’t jump straight in to a 40 day full food fast unprepared!

Anyway, more from me next week (unless I have a major breakthrough or breakdown mid-way)

Hunting for God: Prayer week 4, and a new challenge

This is the last week with prayer as the focus. I don’t mean I’m going to stop praying (in fact, in the last couple of days I’ve found another book with some helpful thoughts), but the book I’m following by Jo Swinney (God Hunting) does 4 weeks, then focuses on a different discipline.

Last week I had three goals, plus building on routines/habits from the previous weeks. I continue to say Night Prayer most nights which continues to be helpful. I continue to set aside time first thing in the morning to listen (and keep my journal near my bed to write down anything interesting). Sometimes I don’t get any specific ‘words’ from God, but it’s nice to start the day soaking in God’s presence, even if my mind occasionally starts to wander… Hey, I never said I was perfect!

Intentionally asking others what I can pray for to support them. This is an interesting thing to explore. It’s covered in Jo Swinney’s book, it’s covered in Max Lucado’s book, it’s a theme of Jesus in the bible. But I sometimes find praying “Dear God, bless Joe Bloggs, let him know your love and peace, Amen” a little generic. Sometimes it’s obvious how to pray for someone, but often there are things going on below the surface that we don’t see. And sometimes, just asking the question shows someone we are thinking of them. In asking some specific people, I have had some really good conversations this week. I didn’t feel able to ask everyone I pray for, but sometimes I don’t have that kind of relationship with them. Jesus says we should prayer for our friends and family, and we should also pray for the people we don’t like so much or we find difficult to deal with… Prayer is like a superpower we can use in secret!

Anyway, I did more asking this week and was richly blessed to hear some stories of what’s going on in the lives of some people I really care about but don’t talk to as much as I should. Note to self: touch base with people more! It has also made me feel better when praying for them, like I’m actually praying in a useful way not just going through the motions.

I feel I should clarify, I have a list of people I feel drawn to pray about (some for obvious reasons, others because I believe God has put them on my heart to pray for). I don’t manage to pray for all of them everyday, but I do pray for them on a regular basis, and again, there are seasons where more intense pray is appropriate. So, useful challenge, something to carry forward to make my prayer time more focussed.

Combine everything: yep, been trying to that. Didn’t always work! Realised I was being honest in prayer to a certain point but was still holding back in some areas. Journalling really helped with this one, and carving out some special time also helped. Found time to listen, found a good night time structure, found a way to pray for others more efficiently, found someone to pray with regularly… ah… yeah… Ok, that one still needs work. I’ve found some people I’d like to, but setting aside the time together hasn’t exactly worked regularly yet. Oh well, there’s always next week!

Max Lucado’s book, Before Amen. Finished it for the second time. Some new nuggets:

  • There’s a fab exercise to alphabetise thanks – find something to be thankful for for every letter of the alphabet. It helps us to focus on the benefits and not the burdens which in turn helps us not to stay in a state of self-pity. (Being honest about struggles is important, but wallowing is not healthy for anyone)
  • “Intercessory prayer isn’t rocket science. It acknowledges our inability and God’s ability”
  • Praying in Jesus’ name is a declaration of truth. Jesus is in charge. That is why we pray.
  • “You’re never without hope because you’re never without prayer”

Jo has included a quote from a 17th Century monk called Brother Laurence in her book, under a section on unceasing prayer. Brother Laurence compares unceasing prayer to ‘a wordless and secret conversation between the soul and God which no longer ends’. That’s a phrase that awakens a longing in my heart, something I will continue to aim for.

If you have been following on, I would recommend looking out Jo’s book (and Max’s book). But this week I discovered another book on different ways to pray. It’s a very practical book and takes into account how people find different things easier to engage with, have different gifts/personalities/experiences/backgrounds and I’ve enjoyed dipping into it. It’s called Be Live Pray by Becca Dean. If you’ve tried exploring prayer before and not got very far or would like a book with more practical ideas to share with others, try that one. (No, I don’t get any commissions, but good books are worth sharing!). And if in doubt, there’s a lot on prayer in the bible.

Anyway, it’s still lent, and I’m still hunting for a deeper relationship with God. Prayer is an essential basis (in my opinion) but the next chapter in Jo’s book happens to coincide with some advice a friend gave me this week on going deeper with God. The next discipline I will be exploring is fasting. I’ve experimented with prayer for years. I’m a bit of a novice when it comes to fasting.

Fasting is another biblical fundamental. When it is mentioned by Jesus, such as in Matthew 6, Jesus says “When you fast…” not “If you fast…” Today, it is less talked about especially when you think how much prayer is part of everyday conversation. Jo explains fasting really well, so I’ll pick out some phrases: There are things that we all do to comfort ourselves, address our anxiety, fill our silences, when it is God we should turn to in need. I am planning to make myself vulnerable by removing the props I usually rely on, and I hope I am able to lean more heavily on God and not just reach for new props.

Biblically, fasting is food, but today there are many things to fast (after all, Jesus didn’t have the option to give up games or phones or social media). My friend who gave me the advice said the most important thing is to find out what God wants you to fast. So my first challenge within the next 24 hours is to find out what God wants me to fast from, and for how long (4 different things for a week each, 1 thing for 4 weeks?) Good job I’ve spent 4 weeks getting better acquainted with God’s voice!

The major important thing with fasting is to use the time when you would be doing that thing to focus on drawing close to God. Fasting requires courage to be vulnerable as defenses are stripped back and self-discipline to push through when it feels too costly or uncomfortable. I am hoping it will be particularly rewarding.

NB: The bible says we shouldn’t make a big thing out of it when we fast, so I’m not going to be announcing to the people I live around that I am fasting. But in order to encourage others, I will still be reporting back here. As always, my aim is to encourage others to trust in and rely on God, and I hope the findings of a normal(ish) everyday person will show that God is not on an unreachable pedestal but is in fact walking with us everyday and engaging with our lives.

Hunting for God: Prayer week 3

After three weeks I do feel like this has been a useful hunt for me. Each week I’ve come to this point and feel like I have something worth sharing. I’m aware this is a hope blog, so what I’m hoping is that anyone reading this will see how my hunt for a deeper relationship with God is seeing fruit without me doing anything that can’t be done by everyone. I share what I find in the hope it will encourage you in your walk with God, to discover more about his love and care for you, or to dare to discover God for the first time. I share because, even though I feel I have a faith I can rely on, I want to go deeper and hope I always will.

Anyway, after another week of hunting through prayer, here’s what I’ve got to share with you.

Last week I set myself the goal of using the Anglican Night Prayer liturgy. I’d tried using the Examen (see previous post) but hadn’t found it useful. I did find Night Prayer useful. The structure at the end of the day kept me focused on God, the repetition helped to keep a routine, and the room for general prayer came after already getting my mind focused on God. I could use that time to bring the worries of the day, the people I love and care about, and the days highlights to God and sleep easier as a result. There’s an app on the phone/tablet called ‘Daily Prayer’ that has all the liturgy and takes a lot of the complication out of it. And because it is widely available, it’s easy to think of others saying the same words and prayers across the world and across the ages. It was easy to feel connected to other Christians. At least for this season, I will continue to use Night Prayer.

My second goal for this week was to keep a prayer journal. I found keeping a specific prayer journal was confusing (as in, I didn’t know what to write) but mainly because I already keep a general journal, and I have a journal for people I pray for which includes some specifics they have asked for prayer for (because otherwise I forget!)

It has been a good discipline to include what I’ve talked to God about in my normal journalling (also helps with journalling honestly). In turn, that has helped me to be honest with God about my worries and concerns instead of censoring myself. So again, I’ve found it a useful practice which I intend to keep up.

There has been an additional discovery this week. In Max Lucado’s book, he sums up prayer as ‘we speak, God listens. God speaks, we listen‘. As I’ve spent more time being honest with God, I’ve found myself able to recognise his voice more. Interestingly, although mornings are not a good time for me to bring my prayers and concerns to God, it is a good time for me to hear God’s voice. I think…

I do have some more nuggets from Lucado’s book. He uses a couple of analogies that are really useful. He talks about his dad being a mechanic and being able to fix things if only Max would ask him to help. How often do we stubbornly refuse to ask for help? He also uses the analogy of a pilot. If you take a flight and know and trust the pilot, if you come across turbulence you don’t worry because you know you’re in good hands. God is a trusted pair of hands. We can bring prayers to him and trust his response. 1 Peter 5:7 says Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

He also used some biblical examples to give some advice. He uses a story of blind beggars crying out for healing as a response for when prayers aren’t answered straight away. His tip is one of encouragement. The blind men cried out persistently, personally and passionately. We should too.

And the story Jesus at the wedding in Cana when they run out of wine. Mary presents the problem to Jesus and leaves it with him. She has complete trust in how he responds. Sometimes we can be tempted to bring a request to God, and then refuse to let go of it and still try to fix it ourselves.

So, persistent, personal and passionate prayer, but also not holding onto worries or anxieties. The point of praying is to bring our cares to God and trust him with them, and therefore to be able to find some peace.

Anyway, one more week of prayer (then we move onto a different discipline!) My goals are to intentionally ask others how I can support them in prayer, and to combine everything I’ve learned so far and just honestly approach God as a father with all my good news and requests and leave them with God instead of holding onto them. Oh, and finish the Max Lucado book.

Hunting for God: Week 2 feedback

So, apart from this being a day late, I also confused myself with the titles! This is what I found after the second week and what I plan to do for the third.

First goal: find someone to pray with. I had a really good conversation with a friend about how hard I find it to pray with other people. She basically told me (in a very loving way) to just get on with it. When we pray together and everyone brings their hearts, of course we will pray different things. That’s the beauty of it. God created each of us differently, and with each of us praying what’s on our own hearts in our own words we add a depth and a richness to prayer that blesses the people around us and the people/places/situations we are praying for. I think I’ve found someone to pray with, and the encouragement to speak up…

Goal 2: Read Max Lucado’s book (Before Amen) more slowly. I haven’t completely finished the book, but I have found some nuggets of gold that are making me reevaluate my prayer relationship with God. First off, what is it that I’m hoping to achieve? Do I want to pray more? Not necessarily. Do I want to pray better? Kinda… What I really want is the kind of prayer life that makes my relationship with God deeper and stronger.

Jesus prayed everywhere and for everything. The 12 disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray. Jesus gave them a simple prayer. To quote the book: Father, you are good. I need help. Heal me and forgive me. They need help. Thank you. In Jesus name, Amen. It’s so simple, it’s so stripped back. There is no comparison. It is simply honest.

It’s approaching God the way a small child approaches a loving Father. No fancy phrases, no comparing my troubles to another’s and thinking their not as big. Just sharing everything: joys, disappointments, fears, hopes, requests, mistakes. Place doesn’t matter, fancy language doesn’t matter. Heart matters.

There’s another quote from the book: ‘life has enough burdens without the burden of praying correctly’. I have been so busy thinking my struggles are so much smaller and less significant compared to others that I don’t bring them to God. But God isn’t like that. He doesn’t think less of me because I have smaller problems right now. I am his daughter and he cares. It is not for me to filter what I bring to him, assuming he cares more for bigger problems. God is bigger than that.

I’m going to keep going, searching for more nuggets, but that has completely changed the way I look at prayer, and the way I view my relationship with God, especially with goal 4 (find a daily slot of intentional time to sit with God). No regular time slot has emerged yet, but time to be close and honest with God instead of filtering my feelings has been incredibly liberating this week.

I know, I skipped a goal, but only because goal 4 fitted with what I’d learnt. Goal 3 was explore the Examen. Jo Swinney (in her book God Hunting which started this) explores it and found it helpful. I didn’t find it as helpful, partly because my days look very similar at the moment when we are in lockdown. Although it is good to find some sort of peace of mind at the end of the day, it was also a reminder of the limbo we are currently in. If you don’t know, it’s a simple exercise of focusing on the moment of the day you are most thankful for and the moment of the day you are least grateful for.

For next week, I think I will use the Anglican Book of Common Prayer liturgy for Night Prayer instead. A simple liturgy that centres my focus back on God might be more helpful for my mind right now. So that’s goal number 1 next week. Goal number 2 is going to be keeping a prayer journal. I get to this point, and apart from a few scattered notes I’ve left myself, have to really think back over what I’ve learnt. So this week I am going to record daily and hopefully get into a habit that will persist long after this period of ‘Hunting for God’. I’m also going to keep reading the Max Lucado book. Seriously, it’s fab. I recommend it!