By faith – lent 2023

Today I was reading from Hebrews. There is a passage about faith. It starts, ‘Faith is confidence about what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see’. This is a letter written after Jesus has risen to early Christians who would have known the Patriachs, the men from the old testament who showed faith. And so it goes on to list different people who showed faith in the way they behaved, choosing to believe in God’s word.

It’s quite a list. It includes Abel who brought the best of his lambs as an offering and was then killed by his brother our of jealousy. It includes Noah who built a massive ship and rescued his family and all the animals. It does include some impressive feats of faith-based action. But there are two that stand out to me. One is Sarah, wife of Abraham.

‘And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.’ That’s not quite how I remember it. Looking back in Genesis, Abraham and Sarah are sitting in their camp when three visitors appear. Abraham tells Sarah to prepare some food and then goes and speaks to the visitors. They say that they will visit again next year and his wife will have a son. Sarah, listening from inside the tent, laughs in disbelief because she is too old. That doesn’t sound like someone who believed the promise.

And yet, she did have a son as God had promised. She may laugh at first, but in the end she does trust God’s promise and God follows through. In her heart she knew him to be faithful even if her head said otherwise.

Back to Hebrews. The second person is Moses. ‘By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.’ Again, I remember the story slightly differently.

Back in Exodus, Moses is raised in Pharoah’s household but then sees an Egyptian hitting and Israelite slave and kills the Egyptian. It then specifically says, ‘Moses was afraid. “What I’ve done must have become known.” Then he fled from Pharoah.’ Pharoah did try to kill him so you can understand fleeing, but I would definitely say that Moses feared the king’s anger.

And yet, out in exile in the desert, Moses finds God speaking to him out of a burning bush. He did literally see him who was invisible and followed his instructions (if little reluctantly at first).

I don’t say this to pick holes in bible heroes. Actually, the complete opposite. There bible heroes were very human. Disbelief and fear are things we feel all the time, and sometimes the promises of God can be overshadowed by those or other emotions. And that’s OK. Both Moses and Sarah knew who God was. Deep down, they trusted him. Maybe their immediate actions weren’t motivated by faith, but their lives were.

In the big picture of their lives, the overarching theme that they are remembered for is that they lived ‘by faith’. They kept their eyes focused on God (most of the time). Having confidence in what we hope for doesn’t mean never doubting or questioning. It means choosing to hold the hope in the midst of the doubting, choosing to acknowledge the logical doubts in our minds whole feeding the flame of hope in our hearts. It doesn’t mean we aren’t affected by what we see around us. It means holding on to the belief that God keeps his promises and there is better coming and choosing to look beyond while we are being battered by what’s right in front of us.

If you’ve doubted or if you’ve acted out of fear or anger, that doesn’t mean you don’t have faith. If Sarah and Moses can inspire because of their faith, then so can we.

Boundaries and Barriers – lent 2023

The Sunday bonus this week is a little something to make you think. We come across barriers in life that stop us going places for no good reason. They are not from God. Then there are boundaries, put there for our protection. These are from God. Sometimes we can’t see the reason for the boundary but God can see further than we can and we need to trust that he knows best.

Look for the best – lent 2023

There’s been a theme in the films I’ve watched recently. ‘A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood’ is based on the life Mr Rogers, and American TV presenter who was wholesome and fair-minded and promoted love and equality with all. ‘The Incredibles 2’ is obviously a sequel and focuses on superheroes proving they can be trusted. ‘Paddington 2’, also a sequel, is the follow on adventures of Paddington as he tries to get his Aunt Lucy a birthday present.

Each of these films has talked about seeing the good in other people. Mr Rogers teaches about morality and tolerance in his show, and the film is specifically centred around forgiveness and looking for the good things. Elastagirl has a conversation with the main villain where the villain sneers at Elastagirl trusting people she’s only just met while Elastagirl explains that anyone can count on her – she is wired to see assume the best of people until proven otherwise.

But it was Paddington that brought this home. Wherever he went, Paddington was cheerful and optimistic. He took people at the word. Part of the film shows him interacting with the street’s residents, waving hello, giving them breakfast and helping them. Later, when Paddington isn’t around, you see them a bit more grumpy and a little less understanding of each other. On his adventures, Paddington comes across some criminals. But in chooses to see the best in the people he met, Paddington brought out the best in them.

It was this film that really struck me. We can look at the people around us and make judgements quickly. We can focus on the things that annoy us very easily. But seeing the best in people? That takes practice. And yet, when we choose to see the best in people we bring that to the forefront. We give them affirmation and confidence.

God could have chosen to make judgements on the worst parts. But instead he chose to see the good. Take any bible hero – none of them are perfect. But God chooses to see the good and in doing so brings the good to the forefront.

Gideon, hiding in a hole scared for his life becomes a leader of an army, leading his people to victory. Moses, murderer and self-doubter, stands up to Pharaoh and gets the Israelites released. Peter, impulsive and loud, used to spread the gospel to Jews and played a large part on the spread of the early church.

That’s three examples without really thinking, they are plenty more to explore. Maybe we should take a leaf out of that book. Maybe we should look for the good in people instead of focusing on the bits that rub us up to wrong way. By doing that, we can help the people around us to grow.

But let’s not stop there. Why not try and see the good inside ourselves? Not the buts we want to hide, not the bits we don’t like or beat ourselves up over, but the good bits – it’s OK to acknowledge and celebrate the bits we like. Afterall, God sees and celebrate them!

Wear your own shoes – lent 2023

How often have you heard the term ‘big shoes to fill’? I’m sure it’s meant as an acknowledgement of the outgoing person but it can seem like a set of expectations on the person stepping into the role, expectations they are not likely to meet because they are a different person. Each person brings their own gifts and personalities to everything they do. Comparing to others, even unintentionally, is not helpful for anyone .

Why do I write this? Today someone sent me through something they had been working on. It was a poem and it was amazing. I know the person who did that job previously and they wouldn’t have been able to write a poem like that. But there were other things they could do, other things they brought to the role that the current role-holder doesn’t have. She had ‘big shoes to fill’ when she took the job and hasn’t even tried to fill them, instead she’s worn her own shoes. She brought what she had.

I have previously had a job where they were adamant they didn’t want another version of my predecessor but brought up the good work my predecessor had done a lot as comparison to how I was doing. Me and my predecessor were very different. They were married with young children, I was single. They were outgoing and extroverted, I was quieter and introverted. Neither of these is better, but they are different. I needed the space to be able to bring my strengths to the table instead of having to fill the shoes of my predecessor who had very different strengths to me.

In the bible, there’s a young shepherd boy called David. His older brothers are at war, and the enemy has a champion who calls out a challenge each day. David goes to deliver food to his brothers and hears the challenge. The champion calls out for a warrior to take him on, and if he wins his army will leave. He calls out some insults too. David doesn’t like it, sees it as an insults to his God, so goes to the king and says, “In the name of God, I will fight him.”

Now David was a shepherd boy, a teenager, while the enemy, Goliath, was huge. You can imagine the reaction to David! But David was adamant and King Saul realised he couldn’t stop him so decided to help another way. He gave David his armour for protection. The thing is, David wasn’t a full grown man and he certainly wasn’t a soldier. The armour was too big and too heavy – it wasn’t made for him. So instead he wore his normal clothes, picked 5 smooth pebbles from the river and faced Goliath with nothing but a sling. Goliath threw back his head and laughed, and as he did so he exposed a small hole where David could hit him beneath his helmet. It was only small, but that was all David needed. He threw one stone, just one, and killed the champion.

I wonder what would have happened if David had tried to be Saul, had tried to dress up as him and act like him. I suspect he wouldn’t have been victorious. But that young lad had the confidence to say, “no, that’s not me. I’m not going to try and fill your shoes, I fit mine just fine.” David went on to become king himself and is also called ‘the man after God’s own heart’. He knew who he was, who God had made him to be.

I wonder if you have ever felt compared to others either by the people around you or yourself. I wonder if you’ve been found wanting because you’re ‘not as good as them’.

You’re wrong. You are just as good as them, but you have different strengths. Don’t try to wear someone else’s shoes, you fit your own perfectly.

Pain bearer – lent 2023

There a lots of titles used in reference to God. Some make sense, others need a bit if thinking about. This one was used in a prater recently and comes in the latter category. Jesus, Pain-Bearer.

It seemed an odd title. I still feel hurt, no one else bears it for me. I was reminded of a conversation with my mum many years ago complaining that a medicine wasn’t doing any good. I don’t remember whether it was a pain killer or something for cold and flu, but I know I still had the symptoms. My mum’s response was, “you don’t know how much worse it would have been without the medication.”

So I wonder if Jesus is someone who bears the brunt of the pain, the worst of it. He hung on the cross in agony in every way. I wonder if, without him, the pain would be worse. The physical pain maybe, but more the emotional pain and the mental pain that comes from normal circumstances like disappointments or thoughtlessness. I wonder if Jesus bears the worst and only lets through a snippet of the pain that might feel bad at times but is actually a lot more manageable than it would be without Jesus. I wonder if Jesus doesn’t stop all the pain because we need pain to know that we are hurt and then to heal.

If we don’t give those hurts a chance to heal the chances are we pass it forward in our words and behaviour, so feeling pain alerts us to things we need to deal with. But pain is not meant to overwhelm us or incapacitate us. Jesus died so it wouldn’t. So I wonder if Jesus, Pain-Bearer is actually blocking more pain than we realise but also letting us feel enough that we can heal. And I wonder if Jesus knows how painful it is so also stays with us and holds us in that pain. I wonder if Jesus patiently sits as a calm presence through anger, frustration, fear and grief, the one who sees all tears a gently holds us knowing that it’s better for us to feel a little pain even if we don’t realise it at the time. I wonder how much Jesus does that we don’t even realise and probably never will.

I wonder if Pain-Bearer was a better title than I could ever have imagined. And I wonder if I haven’t said, “Thank you” enough.

Music soothes the savage breast – lent 2023

I once asked a friend what they did when everything got too much, on those days where basic functioning was difficult. There are times I’m sure when most people will experience that. Stress can trigger it or grief or disappointment or… well, let’s just go with the knocks of life. My friend told me that they unplug from most communications and concentrate on a single task while listening to instrumental baroque music.

I have other friends who have told me how much comfort music brings. And I have a few set pieces I go to when stressed or anxious because I know they will break through the negative feelings and bring me to a level place where I can find peace. I also find that music can help express emotions that perhaps I struggle to communicate – some pieces of music just click into how I’m feeling which sorts out the jumble and confusion inside.

Today I was listening to a shuffled playlist and a piece of music came on that just made me stop and listen. I didn’t think I was particularly stressed, buy as I listened I felt a sense of peace I didn’t know I needed. It occurred to me that the power of music is a tool used by God. We are not the first to use music as a way to calm our minds and emotions and I’m sure we will not be the last.

But way back, in the Old Testament, before David was king he was a shepherd boy who also played the lyre. The king at the time was King Saul. He was troubled ‘an evil spirit’ – the bible isn’t more specific than that. But it does say that David was recruited to play for him when he was afflicted and Saul would feel better. Music could calm the mind and emotions of an afflicted King way back then in much the same way it can today. Its no surprise then that music is a common thread for people looking for comfort and internal peace. It’s like God’s gift to us to help us look through the storm and find him.

Yesterday I talked about finding calm in the storm, an oasis of tranquility. Today, I’m giving a suggestion on how to find one. God’s already given us the tools, we just need to use them.

An oasis of tranquility – lent 2023

There is a story of a king who offered a prize for the best painting of peace. I may have told this tale before. Thousands entered and there were paintings of sunsets, of beautiful summers days, of rivers lazily winding their way between trees, of mirror like lakes with perfect reflections, of the night sky – all scenes that looked peaceful. The final picture was different. It showed bare mountains with a stormy sky with lightening, and on the mountain side a roaring waterfall and some hardy trees. It didn’t look peaceful. But the king looked closer then declared this picture the winner. When asked, he pointed to one of the branches near the waterfall. Sitting snuggly in a nest on the branch was a bird, perfectly at peace. True peace is not a perfect scene – that sort of peace doesn’t last long.

True peace is being able to find calm amidst the raging waters and rumbling thunder. If we are waiting for that idyllic setting to gain peace we will be waiting a long time. God never promises no troubles.

A few weeks ago I was sitting quietly before a morning service. Outside there was a storm and you could hear the wind howling, almost like it was trying to take the roof off. But inside, protected by the stone walls, there was an oasis of tranquility. Just for a moment, as the storm raged around, I could sit quietly and focus on something else (at this point, praying). Peace isn’t the absence of the storm, but a focus on God while the storm rages around.

There’s a story of Jesus and his disciples. The disciples are sailing across the lake when a storm starts up. As they sail through the storm, they spot a figure coming through the rain. At first they don’t recognise him and think it’s a ghost (they are in the middle of a lake after all!) But then they realise its Jesus, walking on the waves. Peter calls out to him, “If it is truly you, call to me to get out of the boat and walk to you.”

Jesus says, “Come.”

So Peter gets out of the boat and with his eyes firmly fixed on Jesus he begins to walk on the water. But then he hears the wind and notices the waves and he begins to sink. His moment of calm is gone and the storm takes over.

How often has that been the same for us? Maybe not a literal storm, and probably not walking on water, but maybe there’s a lot going on pulling our mind in different directions and threatening to overwhelm us. If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, if we find that oasis of tranquility in it all, we won’t start to drown. But if we let the wind distract us, the worries, the stresses, the deadlines, then it is possible we will sink beneath the waves of expectation and anxiety.

The thing to note in this story is that Jesus immediately reaches out and stops Peter from drowning and helps him back to the boat. If you do find yourself distracted by the storm then you need to know that Jesus is close enough to reach out and help you.

But maybe we need to practice finding peace, discovering that oasis of tranquility as we live our lives. Maybe, we need to practice keeping our eyes on Jesus.

The agony of isolation – lent 2023

I recently went to see an art exhibition at Guildford Cathedral. The current exhibition is a series of paintings by Iain McKillop that portray the Easter story in 27 paintings. They are extraordinary works of art, showing a great deal of emotion with the minimum of colours. The exhibition is done with minimal colours, I believe 4 colours for most of it with an additional splash of purple for the cloak. The paintings get darker as Jesus’ crucifixion approaches and then burst into glorious light as he rises. If you get the opportunity, I recommend seeing this exhibition.

But there were a couple of panels that stood out to me. Maybe I’ll write about some others this lent. For now, I want to focus on the painting of Jesus in Gethsemane. At this point in the story, Jesus has had a passover meal with his friends and knows that Judas has gone to fetch the guards. He goes to a secluded garden with his closest friends and asks them to keep watch as he prays. And he seeks comfort from his Father. He knows what is coming and doesn’t want to walk the path although he knows he must. He returns to his friends to find them sleeping – they don’t seem to have grasped the severity of what is happening. He wakes them and prays once more and ultimately makes the choice to surrender to what needs to be done. Judas approaches and he is arrested and taken away. Alone.

The panel of the painting captures Jesus praying alone, the agony on his face as he fears what is ahead for him. It drove home to me that Jesus is human. Yes, he is also divine, but he is human. He can cut his hand and bleed. He can feel hurt and heartbreak. He can even die. And because of that, he can also feel afraid. And here he is in the garden, dreading what is to come. Have you ever been faced with something you dread? Did you cry out to God to somehow change it? Jesus did.

The thing with crucifixion is that it is slow, painful and humiliating. Jesus would have known this. And I wonder if he knew that he was going to come through it? He says about the temple rising in three days, so maybe he had an inkling but would he be the same? Could he endure everything? As a human, did he have the capacity to fail, to give in to temptation to find an easier way?

And while all of this was going on, as he was afraid and praying, his friends were sleeping. He was alone. They didn’t understand. How much it must have pained him that they were there and yet not there, that he couldn’t rely on them because they just didn’t get it. He has to face this alone on a human level. Yes, there was God, but a parent can’t stop the pain and in this case God couldn’t take it away – Jesus had to endure it. I can’t imagine what that would feel like, and yet this panel of artwork seems to have captured some of that feeling.

I know there have been times when I have felt isolated, when I’ve felt like people around me just didn’t understand and I was facing things alone. Maybe you have too. Rest assured, Jesus knows how that feels. Maybe that’s a comfort, maybe that’s not helpful. But let Jesus in in those moments. Let him be with you, let him comfort you. Because he’s been there, he knows the agony of isolation.

The danger of shame – lent 2023

I watched a film today called Luther. It’s a fairly new one based off of a TV show of the same name about a detective. Without giving away the plot, the film has a lot to do with shame.

Finding things that people would rather keep hidden, the antagonist is able to blackmail good people into doing what he wants. That’s not a new idea – blackmail has been around for ages. But what struck me was one character who is caught in the act of commiting a crime in order to avoid their secret being passed on. They said, “The stupid thing is, it wasn’t even that big a thing.”

Shame is powerful like that. It can affect us all and can be caused by big things and small things. Anything we’d rather other people didn’t find out about can plant a seed of shame. We keep it locked up tight, hidden away so far down no one will ever know. But what if someone did find out? What about that voice inside that insists on reminding you about it? What happens then?

I’m not saying that every little thing can or will be used as leverage. But I am saying watch those planted seeds. They can sprout and grow and turn you against yourself. They can follow you through life, defining you internally and holding you back. It’s almost like the internal voice is blackmailing you.

The thing about God is he already knows. Any little secret, God knew when you did it and hasn’t forgotten. But he doesn’t hold it against you. You don’t need to hide it from God. And if God has forgiven you, it doesn’t matter what others thing. You are loved and accepted in God’s family. The blackmailer has no hold over you.

If there is a niggling thing, big or small, that you prefer to keep hidden – bring it to God. Tell God about it honestly and then let it go. Once you’ve brought it into God’s light it no longer has any power and you are free.

Shame is dangerous – don’t let it rule you. Let God’s grace wipe it away.

Can you hear me? Because I can’t hear you. – lent 2023

Have you ever prayed and heard nothing in response? Have you asked for guidance and just been met with silence? Have you asked for change and seen no difference? I have. It can be a really frustrating thing to feel as though your prayers are wasted and not know why.

There is no one way to pray, and although many books have been written on prayer there isn’t exactly a step by step guide on how to pray successfully every time (depending on how you define success). Sometimes it can feel as if you are doing it wrong because nothing is happening. Sometimes a voice of doubt enters – maybe God’s not really listening!

There are times when I look around and I just want to shout at God – why has he let things turn out this way, why isn’t he doing something?! There are times when I feel like I’ve reached breaking point and call out to God to do something, anything. There are times I’m at a crossroads with an important decision and I ask if God would mind possibly telling me which path I should take and to do so in a very obvious way like a letter through the door or writing on the wall. These are the moments my faith is tested. Do I really trust God? Do I trust him even when I can’t see his hand at work, even when I can’t hear his reply or even feel his presence? Do I still trust God when I can’t make sense of what I see?

Those times when I’ve shouted I haven’t always seen change in the timescale I’ve demanded or in the way I’d imagined. Those times I felt at breaking point I somehow found the ability to keep going. Those times when I asked for guidance I never got a letter so I made a decision and life went on. I don’t know that God heard my prayers and if he did I don’t necessarily understand his response (or lack of). And yes, there are times when I have prayed out of desperation or frustration “can you actually hear me, because I can’t hear you!”

Sometimes it takes courage to keep trusting, to keep persevering in prayer. I’ve written about this before and I will probably write about it again because it’s important. Hope is choosing to believe through good and bad. Hope requires courage and trust. But once you have hope, it’s one of the strongest forces and will keep you praying even when it seems like God doesn’t hear you. Because you choose to believe he does hear and trust he has a plan you can’t see from where you are.

Choose hope. Keep praying.